To think this was really mean, and to want to smack dd's 'friend'?

[CocktailQueen]

Went to theatre tonight on brownie outing. Dd had been looking forward to seeing old friends from lower school. She met her old best friend and they were chatting when another girl came along and barged her way in, turned her back to dd and ignored her. For the first half, She sat in between dd and friend, turned away from dd so dd was by herself.

Dd and this other girl have history - she is a troublemaker and drama queen, and has been mean to all the girls in her class in turn.

At the interval I asked dd's friend's mum, who I was sitting next to, to move so dd could sit by me so I could talk to her. During the interval dd's two friends ran up and down the theatre stairs and across the front of the stage repeatedly, and friend's mother, sitting by me, said nothing but her dd was easily led. Wtf?

Aibu to feel sad for dd? She needs to be stronger and stand up for herself, but I was really sad to see her ignored by her 'friends'.

Completely over the top thread title.

Get a grip. That'll make your DD's life easier by miles.

Oh dear! This will no go well.

Because you used the work smacked I fear no one will get to the actual issue but will state YABU for wanting to hit a kid.

Yeah, the thread title was a bit tongue in cheek.

So what would you have done, Alis?

Ok, cadle cap, forget the thread title. Would appreciate knowing If Aibu though.

They were a bit mean. Can understand why you felt sorry for your dd.

YANBU for feeling sad for DD. I think she just needs to get nicer friends rather than fight for the shitty one's she has/had.

However your thread title is at best ill thought out and I doubt everyone will be able to see past that...

This is AIBU - no tongues in cheeks allowed!

YANBU to feel sad for your DD

It was fairly mean.

But you saw it because you were there. I bet we don't see half the mean ness that our DC have to go through because we're simply not there.

You need to equip her with coping measures. We have all been subject to nastiness and have to learn to live with it.

YABU.

There is a great book that talks about girl bullying (as a very distinct concept from boy bullying). It's called Odd Girl Out ( Amazon link ). You are not imagining that this was mean and deliberate and it's perfectly fine to be so angry you'd like to slap the girl. Of course that doesn't mean you would. Having seen the damage that this behavior can do to adolescent girls, I think you are absolutely right in being sad and concerned. Please read the book. I think it gives a good understanding of what is going on and some tips on how to help your dd. It's American, but is applicable to girls everywhere (or at least in the USA and UK).

Maybe this mean girl felt 'empowered' because he mum was right there....

Joules - nah, mean girl's mum not there. Dd's ex best friend's mum was there. And being ineffective.

Thanks Sofia - looks like a good book.

But they're Y3(?)- this is what they do. They've made new friends now, and need to feel secure in those new relationships, not go back to old ones that have come to an end.

Have one of the girls left the school, not sure why your DD and her friend are no longer friends, IYSWIM...

They're year 5. They have all just started middle school. Dd has gone to a different school from most of them - because we liked her school better. She has made new, good friends at school but she still goes to brownies with her old friends. I thought it would be a nice way for her to keep up with old friends and not lose touch.