to not cry in front of my mum

[WitchWay]

Dad died nearly 2 years ago after an unpleasant lingering illness & my DM is still chuntering on about the fact I haven't cried. I have cried. I've cried in private, by myself & in front of my DH. I still get caught out by certain sights & sounds & I miss him a lot. I've told her I've cried & that I miss him but she seems to want me to engage in some sort of weep-fest with her. We're all still sad about it but I can't turn on the tears to satisfy her & don't see why I ought to. I did most of my crying before he died really, as it was pretty bloody horrible, & managed to hold it together to read the eulogy at his funeral. Several times I have heard Mum saying to people "Witch hasn't cried yet". She's getting on with things but I think she's rather wallowing in her grief. Aargh!

She doesn't seem to believe me

Sorry for your loss.

I was reading something about bereavement after my father died and it gave the example of a boy who grew up believing his mother hadn't loved his father because she only críed in prívate after he died.

Could the same be happening with your mother? If she desn't see it then it can't have happened. Or do you think maybe she believes you are bottling everything up and will make yourself ill?

I'm not for a moment suggesting that you should feel obliged To cry in front of her.

WitchWay I'm sorry for your loss. My mil died in September. I never let her see me when I was upset. I cried until tears wouldn't come out.

I think you just need to say to your mum in gentle but firm way that you have cried your tears in private.

Take care.

She has seen me near to tears but I am able to control myself. There's something about her wanting me to cry that is making me not want to. She likes to be "too close" to me at times & always has. I think she wants me to be a little girl somehow & for her to comfort me - I don't need or want it.

I'm so sorry for your loss

I am the same, when I lost my dad and ny brother I cried lots, I still do. But I don't cry in front of people, I just can't for some reason so I'd be really upset if my mum was doing what yours is

I wish I could think of something that would help, maybe just being honest that you feel pressured and uncomfortable and don't want to discuss it anymore?

Oh, you poor thing. I am not comfortable crying in front of my parents and siblings. I suppose I feel like the strong one. I mainly cry in the shower. I don't mind crying in front of my dh and children.