GPs - AIBU to report child protection issue?

[anotherworriedfriend]

A dear friend is in abusive marriage. 3 kids in the house (12, 10, 8). Her DH is unpredictable, aggressive, controlling, verbally abusive, has assaulted both her and the kids, drinks, disappears, and has convictions for assault.

She is unable to leave. I do not understand why, but, I presume that is because I have never been on the end of systematic abuse for years.

I have been trying to encourage her, and, after a frightening Christmas, she was resolute that he had to go and she had to protect her children.

Nothing has changed. I have no choice but to report this, it's too frightening.

I do not want him to have any way of finding out t was me. He is dangerous. I think he is unwell, but, he lies to his GP. Or, so my friend tells me.

Would it work if I saw his GP and told him what my DF has reported to me? I have texts from her that would back my story up. I'm concerned that if I report to school or SS that he'll figure out it was me - he's proper scary.

It's a really awful situation isn't it OP - just the not knowing what action to take. When my sister eventually confided in me as to what was happening at home, it had been going on for almost a year, I was in absolute shock. I am very close to my sister and couldn't believe she'd kept it from me and also that she'd hidden it so well. I was in absolute tears, rang my husband and told him that my sister and the children were coming to stay - he was brilliant about it. The positive factor I had on my side was that my sister was eager to leave as she'd just had enough - I don't get the impression your friend feels the same though? I doubt very much she will report to SS otherwise she'd have done it by now.

When I called SS on my sister's partner it was because his eldest child made a disclosure to me that indicated physical violence had been happening in the home - that was it for me, there was no way I wasn't going to call even though my sister and the children were away from him. I sat my sister down, told her what my nephew had told me and that I was going to call SS. She knew there was no point arguing.

I don't know how your friend will react when you tell her you are going to do the same, she may well beg and plead with you not to, but thankfully, you seem to know that there isn't any choice. Having your friend on board would obviously be the best scenario but if she isn't then don't let that stop you calling SS. Be strong and think of those poor children.

I'm not sure that telling her you are about to report will be helpful or make any difference. For whatever reason, she is unable to act, so I think you have to do it. Is it worth reporting to police as well, and telling them of your fears?

I can't see her doing anything honestly. People live in hope don't they?

Even if he's not touching the kids, SS are very interested in kids welfare if DV is going on around them.

Please call today.

Do please call the NSPCC helpline. They are well equipped to advise you, and you can call them any time. It's totally anonymous and will be a good start. You will definitely be doing the right thing.

Go straight to Social Services and please do it as quickly as possible. If you tell them to you wish to remain anonymous they cannot say it is you. You can call them, don't leave your name and block your number, they will still investigate.

There are children being subjected to physical and emotional abuse here and it is the role of Children's Social Care to protect them. No the school or the HV, and I would stay away from discussing it with your friend first, she may talk you out of it. Report it, she will thank you in the long run.

Please call ss friend, it's the sighs thing to do. You can be completely anonymous. I phoned about some kids in the past, told them what I knew and just said that I did not want to give my name. They took it very seriously.

Argh - it's the right thing to do!

He's had the 8 year old by the throat. you can't stand back on this. You can and absolutely should ring ss as soon as possible. It may be too late by the next episode.

She's done it! I can't believe it, am honestly in awe of her. All I said was "he's away, do you think this is a good time?" She'd been thinking the same.

I'd spoken anonymously to SS yesterday, asking for details of what would happen when I gave her name. They were really helpful, very kind and no pressure at all. I've not had dealings with SS before (that's not a stealth boast) and I was really impressed.

Kids taken to her brother's, all tucked up playing with cousins. She's got all the paperwork and clothing she needs right now there too - and spoke to the police who'll be there when he comes back home.

I keep welling up. Am in awe (and, selfishly, greatly relieved I don't need to report anything)

Thanks for your support and advice. Brilliant.

Oh thank goodness, I've just read the whole thread and I wasn't expecting that. I'm so happy she plucked up the courage to leave. And that she's got you as a friend. Well done.

I know!

Must admit, I'm sort of waiting for a "it's ok, he's promised to change" call - but, the fact that she's got the police to come and help smooth things gives me hope.

Fingers crossed.

I'm very proud of her,

Thats fantastic, I wasn't expecting that either,

but...why is she leaving now?

xx

Brilliant news. Good luck to her x

I don't know why - but, she kept saying "I can't do this to the kids any more. He's gone too far".

Their rabbit died through the week. I have assumed that he's dispatched it, though, she hasn't said that specifically.

Man's either unwell, or a nasty bit of work. I'm really glad, I'm scared of him and don't want him coming to my house.
She's amazing and funny and bright (and, so's he to the outside world), just goes to show that you never know what goes on behind doors. You can't tell who's abusive.

Might try to be nicer to my DH seeing as how he isn't like hers.