I was made redundant in October still looking for work dp would like me

[Mywashingsmellslovely]

To get a job in a shop part time ,rather than full time in an office.

I explained that it was not worth me working in a shop as the money would be less and it would all go on childcare Espciallt school holidays I think he does not understand this.

I can not do evenings due to his work so it leaves me only working now full time and with my experience I can earn more in a office based job.

I'm getting down now I'm with a few agencies one is brilliant and said in a couple of weeks I would have a job, I just feel so useless right now.

It does not help that I was very depressed and have been given tablets feeling better in that respect just my confidence has taken a dent and I feel I have nothing to offer right now.

I have no problem working in a shop but the jobs he is suggesting are not very well paid.

Does he mean that there's a job in a shop available right now, and that you should take it, rather than holding out for an elusive office job?

Could you work in a part time job for now, and give it up if/when a better paid office job comes along?

Yes I also don't want to work in the area where we live and where he suggested as where we lived before I was bullied and threatened with my life,had to get the police involved they were warned.

I don't want to be in a position where they would find me and make my life hell especially in a job like working in a shop they could target me again.

Full time in an office will still need holiday care plus after school and before school

Yes but I would be on double the pay so it would be worth doing givemeaclue.

Just find a job to want to do and get on with doing it. Of course as a couple he's entitled to an opinion but unless he's going to do himself he can't exactly make you do it can he? If he wants to work in a shop so much then he can do it!

I assume clue that the pay is higher (from what OP said) to make paying for childcare economic.

Give yourself a certain amount of time to find what you want then agree to look at other options.

Why was he saying this?

If it was because family finances are creaking, and he thinks it would be better all round if you were in work, any work, then he has a point (even if badly expressed). In which case, can you find a compromise, by widening your job search - not necessarily to shop work, but to a somewhat wider range than now?

So it's the fear of being targetted by these bullies again, that's putting you off shop job?

How likely is it that they would harass you? A real threat or more a psychological fear on your part?

I'm not in any way dismissing your feelings, just thought that if it is anxiety that is preventing you from doing things, then it might be worth seeking some more help from your GP/counselling.

I was in a similar position.

I did get some part time work - more to appease my partner really. I enjoyed it and enjoyed earning again; it gave my confidence a boost - my previous contract had ended and I'd felt gutted as others were retained and given new contracts but I was kicked out. I actually enjoyed the different work environment.

I would say it's as much about how you feel than how much you are earning. If it's making you feel better then it's worth it.

Childcare was a nightmare. I was constantly let down by family. It was much better when we got the free nursery hours. I think I could have got help towards the child care costs before she was three but I preferred family looking after our daughter when she was younger.

I also did some voluntary work which really helped me feel valued.

Sorry, missed later posts.

It sounds a horrid experience. Have you talked to your partner about your fears?

I'm undergoing treatment at present waiting to be assessed it made me and my children lives hell I could not allow them to play in the garden either for fear of abuse or them trying to hurt me and the kids.

One threatened to kill me, we moved reported to the police and we are happy now and safe I hope.

It has taken a lot of my confidence away but made me stronger but it affected me in ways know one could ever imagine.

Then I lost my job which was my sanity and my relief of getting away from it all we have a lovely house nice neighbours and I go to bed in my own bed instead of laying in my kids room.

They would be very stupid to do anything the police took it seriously , I'm just scared to see them that is all.

We have just moved house so it means more money and he is paying it all I feel bad , he just wants me to help a little .

So it could be anything that I would do , where to start I have no clue ,I would like to work full time now ,and be able to give my kids a life that before we never had if that makes sense.

Not in the material way but take them places and do things that we never could do before.

Thanks for listening and for the advice if it was not for mumsnet I would not of got help in the first place.

Maybe you need to broaden your job search a bit?

he just wants me to help a little

You are. It's called caring for his children allowing HIM to go to work. Has he ANY clue on how much childcare would cost? and the impact on the kids while you are out of the home working for no money (after costs of transport/childcare are deducted)?

He does realise that HE has to cover half the childcare costs to make this even remotely viable eh?

Unless you would be better off financially by quite some margin, it may not be the right time to return to work.

Does he know about the problems you had and why you left the area?

If yes, does he really understand how it affected you or is he more of a practical "that was then, nothing's going to happen now" kind of person?

And yes, you are already helping by facilitating him in doing the job he does. He'd had a harder time if he had to finish mid afternoon to collect DCs from school, or be at home when they arrive, and do the after school routine, whatever that is in your family.

He knows I'm on tablets for the depression He pointed out along with mn I had a problem, I'm being assessed next for the psychological effects it had on me, that will be the end of the month then I guess I will be treated for that.

He was the reason we left I said I was very unhappy and we meant more to hi than putting us all in that situation.

if we did not get out I would of left with the kids ,he got me and the kids out he did not realise how bad it was until the police were involved.

it's left a huge hole in his pockets because of the move but we are happier and so is the kids.

I have not told him how I feel or why I don't want to work locally I'm worried he will think I'm being silly it's hard enough taking medicine and admitting that I was depressed without now having to talk about my feelings to a stranger especially as mental illness is seen in not a good way.