I Hate being a mum :(

[Emj86]

I feel ashamed even writing this but it's true!

I love my son but he's a nightmare and has been since the day he was born, he's 17 months and all he does is whinge, he's so hyperactive and loves to break/hit everything included me and to top it off he does not sleep, waking up to four times a night!

He has been a cryer since the min he was born and as my partner worked away for the first 6 months i really struggled, i kept telling myself it would get easier in time but the crying has just turned to constant whining.

I work part time which is honestly a break for me, i dread the rest of the week when im at home!

My friends with kids constantly go on about how having kids is the best thing thats happened to them and how they love being mothers, i sit there and agree even though it's so far from the truth.

My partner helps, probably not enough but even he has started to get frustrated by it all now and i find i have to justify dh's behaviour to him.

Just to add he goes to a childminder 3 x a week and i always try to take him out to burn some energy, he eats well and has a good routine with bed being at 7pm.

Anyone else feel like this or am i really a horrible person for even thinking it? Just wish i could pack a bag and leave alot of the time.

Could there be something wrong? I would be wondering why is he crying so much all the time? I really don't think small children cry for nothing, something might hurting him?

It is very hard OP! But things will get better. Trust me and keep strong.

sorry you feel this way.

could this be PND?

I went to the local pnd centre. they gave me a short break once a week. it was fab. i was borderline for pnd but I just really needed a little time off.

I went swimming once a week in the evening with a friend. just to be out.

But yes i too found it hard. still do sometimes if we are having a difficult week.

I am trying aha parenting. Also toddler taming helped.

I do think they turn a big corner at about 3/4 and become more reasonable - you can talk to them about things by that age and say why you want them to do xyz. They also develop a bit of empathy.

My dd is 5 now and is really v little "work" except obviously making sure she sticks to a routine re bed etc. Otherwise she is lovely company. COuldn't ahve said that at 2 though!

You do sound a bit depressed though, in my view, although I notice others don't seem to think that. Could there be some mileage in checking out with gp if it has turned into depression or similar?

Also i think you need a nice weekend break or something, either with dp or friends. Is there someone who can babysit to allow that?

My friends with kids constantly go on about how having kids is the best thing thats happened to them and how they love being mothers, i sit there and agree even though it's so far from the truth.

I wonder how many of your friends are just pretending like you are to keep up a good front? I'd wager good money that if you said
"Oh it's lovely sometimes but for the last few weeks he's been a nightmare" rather going along with everyone else, you'd be surprised at how many people agreed with you!

Sympathies. Would also encourage you to make better sleep a priority. My enjoyment of a difficult child - & hers of her day - soared once the night wakings went down.

Perhaps explore the PND idea but don't be bullied by it: perhaps it's rational, rather than disordered, to feel bad when there's little sleep, lots of crying / strain.

If you don't feel too daft doing a bit of self-therapy, try out some exercises in cheerful thinking; i.e he's crying for no good reason, so stay calm as you distract or help him by thinking how you'd caption this for the 'reasons my child is crying' site; whenever he's doing something daft & appealing, take a photo or video you can look back over that night & show your partner; before bed talk to your son about all the nice things you've done that day or evening. Etc.

OP - don't underestimate how much the gray January weather can affect you, too. I felt incredibly low in January/February when I had very little ones.

I think looking after babies can be hell OP.
all I will say is that dd is now 2 years 3 months old and I'm finding it much much better. She has a loveable character and her frustrations and upsets are easier to understand so you feel you can help. Your ds is still so young. I do think developing language can help. Also physically I actually find it easier running/picking up after a toddler than constantly carrying or holding a baby.
You sound tired out you poor thing. It is monotonous and I wonder if you have friends/support beyond your DH?

Also totally agree that some people aren't telling the truth when they say how much they love it. On a day to day basis I just don't believe it. Bet you weren't the only one sitting there and agreeing when you didn't mean it....

You are not alone. I have been a mother for 17 years, have 4DC and often think about running away too. I have a teenager, two preteens and a toddler.

I adore my DC, they are beautiful and amazing and I am a 'good enough' mother but it is the hardest, most draining job we will ever do and the least respected mostly by us ourselves.

I had a good lump sum of money go into my back account last week. I suddenly had the thought after another teenage meltdown, followed by a toddler one shortly afterwards, that I COULD get up really early the next day (having a suitcase secretly packed and ready), go to the airport and fly off somewhere cheap and hot for a few weeks leaving DH a note telling him they were all his and he would have to ask his work for some unpaid leave until I came back.

It was a delicious fantasy. Waking up when I want to wake up, not with a toddler sitting on my head at 5.00am shouting at me to 'get upppp mummy'. Seeing to myself first not last. No never ending washing, cleaning, hoovering, mopping, ironing aaarrrgghhhh. Eating lovely meals that are NOT child friendly. Peace and quiet. Being on my OWN!

Then I realised that I would be constantly thinking and worrying about DC, would hate for them to be upset that I was not there and I would not enjoy a minute of it so I am still here, stuck in perpetual madness and I wouldn't have it any other way tbh.

It will pass, tell yourself this x1000 times a day.

That's a shame. I had a tough time round that age. My child became quite aggressive to other children, my husband worked away a lot and I had no family nearby for support. Loved him to pieces and there were many lovely times but it wasn't all sunshine and roses. You are not alone. Now they are a little older and absolutely amazing - nothing stays the same forever.

Thank you all so much for the advice and reassurance, to those who asked i have thought about going to the go many times but i always wuss out, i just couldn't imagine admitting my feelings to them.

He definetly has no health issues, in the early months they diagnosed colic, i went back and fourth to the go as i was convinced the crying was down to more but the go said he was fine.

The screaming has now turned to constant whining which really is relentless, last night he was up four times and after trying to let him cry we ended up downstairs for an hour at 3.30am then he was up for the day at 6!

I agree some babies are just harder work and i probably shouldn't take it so personally but sometimes i do
Just think why me? I would love to sit and have a cuddle but he would never do this as he's always on the go, i so nearly booked a weekend away for me and oh the other day but one i would feel guilty leaving him and two i honestly don't think anyone would have him!

I would do anything for a short break right now to catch up on sleep if nothing else.

It should say GP, typing on my phone!

for the constant screaming - use earplugs!

it cuts out the very high pitched register as well as helps you to "distance" yourself a bit from the screaming.

earplugs did help me to calm down and not stress as much.
do try, you will find the whole thing much more bearable!

I will also suggest cranial osteopathy - a session or two can be helpful.

I'd second Zing's suggestion. My friend had seven months of relentless crying, one treatment and it stopped like magic!
They reckoned his head plate things had got mis-aligned during birth and he had a headache
How would anyone ever know?

BBB

what my osteopath explained was that if the cranial plates are creating even the slightest pressure on some parts of the brain/nerves (?) baby might feel as if she/had constant pain in another part of the body (or yes, "have a headache") and that's one possible reason for constant crying.

but as you say it's relatively easy to sort.

OP I live in Surrey, if you are nearby and interested PM me and I'll give you the contact details of my osteopath.
if

Being a mum is really tough. Yes we love our children but anyone who thinks that wiping shitty bums, broken sleep and constant drudgery is amazing is a lyre.
Yes I love my daughter. Do I love the fact that I can't sleep in (very rare anyway)without her winging away at me to get up?....not so much! Bless her!
What makes it even worse is this ridiculous pressure that we must love very moment of motherhood.

Liar I meant!

I've never doubted I love my DS but there's been many, many times in the past 3 years I haven't liked him very much and there is a real taboo about saying these kind of things as a mum.

From 8 months he whined constantly, 13 months the tantrums started and ramped up at 20 and 25 months. I try not to think about his behaviour at 2 1/2 but tbh some days I would have given him away happily because he would tantrum for hours and hours. He was the same again at 3 1/2 but harder to contain due to being bigger and stronger. He has hit and kicked me many times and yet still needed me to calm him down. I looked forward to work for a break.

But at 3.8 he turned a corner and now at 4 he is usually the most gorgeous little boy who I love to spend time with. Still is stroppy and needs careful handling but the difference is amazing.

It is really hard when you have a difficult child - the amount of emotional energy they take from you is huge and people also look to you to control their behaviour when sometimes you're just trying to get through the day with the minimum screaming possible. Try and get breaks when you can and remember it will get better eventually and then all the work you're putting in will be worth it.

Can't believe I am doing it all over again but I found this too, I'm just not a baby person and funnily my mum said the same, she looked after us as babies but loved us once we could talk and communicate.

I have a 5 year old and a 1 year old I have tried to enjoy the baby days more and to be honest having a funny 5 year old to entertain has helped a lot.

I think some women love the baby stage but often don't like the later bit.

I found a real change from 2 1/2 onwards that's when my oldest started talking in sentences and have enjoyed every minute since !

Can't believe I am doing it all over again but I found this too, I'm just not a baby person and funnily my mum said the same, she looked after us as babies but loved us once we could talk and communicate.

I have a 5 year old and a 1 year old I have tried to enjoy the baby days more and to be honest having a funny 5 year old to entertain has helped a lot.

I think some women love the baby stage but often don't like the later bit.

I found a real change from 2 1/2 onwards that's when my oldest started talking in sentences and have enjoyed every minute since !