Or is my dad re toddler

[NutellaFiend]

My dad sees my toddler son about one a fortnight or so. He's good and wants to be hands-on, which is great, but some of his comments drive me mad

When DS (2) is in good form, my dad is really happy and keeps saying how wonderful he is etc

However, he sometimes comes when DS is cranky post nap or tired before bedtime or refusing food due to teething or...you know...just being a toddler. Then my dad will seem disappointed that he isn't doing what he wants him to do and says "oh dear, so when did this start then? what do you think is causing it?" (But not in a concerned for his wellbeing way, more in a tone of general disapproval) or will say to DS "what's up with you then? You weren't like this last time!" Generally acting like it's some sort of big deal and making me feel like he's judging my parenting.

He wasnt a hands-on dad at all and I think he is shocked at the reality of having a toddler, that they don't always do exactly what you want them to do. I feel like his affection for DS is actually conditional on how he's behaving, whereas my mum (they're divorced) sort of embraces the good and the bad and loves DS no matter what. If he's cranky or upset she'll either laugh it off or try and help him.

It bothers me as it just seems like such a selfish, controlling kind of love. I'm not exactly losing sleep over it and I'm grateful for all the help nonetheless, but it just irks.

I think it is easy for grandparents to forget sometimes what toddlers are like! My elderly neighbour who I went to visit after an operation was disapproving that my 3 year old DS couldn't sit still

Try not take it personally or a judgment about your parenting, toddlers can be very strong willed and not easy to placate when they get ideas in their heads!

Hopefully the more he sees him he will realise that toddlers can't be well behaved at all times.

Could you say something like "oh this is the age that tantrums start? I was reading in a book that toddlers are learning boundaries and try to push parents while they are trying to work things out etc"

My mum is like this, seriously judgy pants about my DS behaviour and does a cats bum face whenever he is a bit grumpy. Such a shame as it means I now don't really discuss parenting with her and it is far less enjoyable when she comes to stay for everyone

Just to say in sympathy, I find it annoying when my dad who was not hands on makes any comment too! What do they know about it?

Can you get him to come at pre arranged times and not the "difficult" times you have mentioned?

I agree that perhaps some GPs have forgotten how even a 'well behaved child' can be tired or a bit irritable some days.

Or maybe they just have less patience than when they were parenting.

My parents used to tell me how they told friends/relatives how wonderful my kids were - 'oh i told so and so that fluffy's girls would never pout and sulk like that, and fluffy's girls always eat everything they are given ... ect. I would cringe and imagine how utterly sick the friend/relative was of hearing about my kids

The reality was that having bigged my kids up so much to everyone else, when one of them was naughty at their house they had no idea how to handle it and came down very hard on them. Especially my middle daughter, sadly. My dad was very critical of her particularly :(