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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

about dh going to the gym

25 replies

happydazed · 09/01/2014 18:53

it's great he wants to get fit and loose weight but it's every night. He gets home after I have put kids to bed, I know he is actually at the gym I'm not getting paranoid or anything I just want a break from the kids after having them all day and he would be home at 6 if he didn't go. I'm not going to say anything I don't think because he'll probably get bored soon and I don't want to ruin his health kick but I'm starting to resent this a little bit.

OP posts:
MissCalamity · 09/01/2014 19:00

YANBU, when is your down time to do your things?

My DP goes to the gym but comes home after work first (gets in about 6) and then will normally go to the gym about 7/7.30 when DS has either gone or is almost ready to go to bed. Then again his gym is round the corner from us, where is his gym based would he say he couldn't come home first because it's too near his work?

C0smos · 09/01/2014 19:01

How many nights is he going? 1 or 2 nights I would say is fine 4 or 5 not so much, that's also not really sustainable long term.

Can he come home first to help put the kids to bed and then go?

Fairylea · 09/01/2014 19:02

Yanbu.

He's being ridiculous. And unfair.

When's your time then? You should both have equal downtime.

If he insists on doing ssomething every night he can put the kids to bed while you go out and then when you get in he can go for a sodding run.

I'd be peed off.

Juno77 · 09/01/2014 19:03

Tell him to go in the mornings.

JonSnowKnowsNothing · 09/01/2014 19:03

How would he react if he got home and you were all ready to go out and announced "I'm off out to do XYZ, I'll be back in a few hours?"

AnyFucker · 09/01/2014 19:07

This is totally unfair. Is he a parent or not ?

It's one thing to miss a lot of your child's life because you are working...but this ?

You not saying anything makes you look like a mug, I am afraid

Toecheese · 09/01/2014 19:10

Can't he run or gym when the kids are in bed

RandyRudolf · 09/01/2014 19:11

You should definitely raise the issue with him. If you don't then he will continue to think it's acceptable. Then, when he's bored of the gym and something else grabs his attention he'll continue to do the same again.

Loopytiles · 09/01/2014 19:11

Equal leisure time.

Also not great for the DC.

capsium · 09/01/2014 19:14

He needs to do his fair share. If he goes for a run or buys a set of weights to do at home, this could be done much more easily to fit in with family time.

Otherwise he should find a gym near to where he works and grab half an hour on his lunch break.

capsium · 09/01/2014 19:15

Also he could do fitness activities with the children. Running buggy if you've a little one or cycling, park, football, climbing with older ones. Some parks even have outdoor gym equipment in.

maddy68 · 09/01/2014 19:17

Depends. I go to classes and they are only on at set times. Or does he go on his way home from work.?Msybe you need to tell him how you. Feel and have a couple of nights off the gym

capsium · 09/01/2014 19:17

Also you could tell him early (before breakfast) exercise is better for 'fat burning' and you've naturally lower blood sugar available after fasting. Grin

badguider · 09/01/2014 19:18

He should go at lunchtime or after bedtime. Or active commute by running or cycling some or all of the way.

ilovepowerhoop · 09/01/2014 19:19

dh goes to the gym before work so he is available after work-would that be an option?

Almostfifty · 09/01/2014 19:19

My DH used to go once ours were in bed as well.

MrsTerryPratchett · 09/01/2014 19:24

DH likes to run and go to the gym. He does it before work and at lunch. Every night instead of seeing the kids? Seems rough on the kids and you.

Threetofour · 09/01/2014 19:28

My dh goes to the gym first thing in the morning much better for our relationship I hate the tea time/bedtime bit on my own it's the only time I get really shouty

wholesomemum · 09/01/2014 19:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WhoNickedMyName · 09/01/2014 19:30

When does he actually see his children?

Some nights he should go after they've gone to bed.

addictedtosugar · 09/01/2014 19:30

Pre Kids, this was DH's routine.
Post kids, he has dropped gym visits to 3 times a week, and got some weights for home the other nights. He also comes home, eats with the kids 5.30, and then goes out after the boys are in bed.
Summer, I run after kids asleep.Now its dark in the evenings, I'm going at lunchtime.
Something needs to change in the routine. Not fair on you or kids.

Bowlersarm · 09/01/2014 19:34

You need to get him to cut down a bit. Going every night isn't fair.

WhereYouLeftIt · 09/01/2014 21:46

I think you need to point out to your DH that he is choosing to parent his children at the weekends only. Does he really want that for his children; for them to have so little contact with him?

At least, I am assuming he manages to see them on non-working days?

Joysmum · 09/01/2014 22:27

I think it'll fizzle out but I'd congratulate him on having such commitment and determination but remind him that he is missing out on time with his kids and suggests that if he wants to go every day he should go when they've gone to bed or else reduce it to a few times a week so his relationship with the kids isn't compromised.

Kiwiinkits · 10/01/2014 00:43

YANBU. Agree with all the other posters that he should go at lunchtime or in the morning.

Late evening exercise may work against achieving a decent night's sleep (lots of research on this but I CBA to find it and post it).

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