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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not be sympathetic about DH being sick?

30 replies

AddictedToCoffee · 09/01/2014 18:30

My DH has just come back from a week long stay in another country. He was attending a close member of the family's wedding so had several functions to attend and consequently several late nights. My three dc ( 5, 2 and 4mnths) and I were not able to go.

Since being back he has been sick with a bit of a nasty cough and a headache. For the last three days he has been in bed or, if up, not been able to help. Consequently I have been left dealing with the dc by myself again.

After not having an unbroken nights sleep in 4 months and 3 young dc to look after, AIBU not to have any energy left to show him some sympathy?

OP posts:
GroupieGirl · 09/01/2014 18:36

Perfectly understandable. Does he expect you to run around after him, though? Or does he just get on with things?

When he's better is he planning on taking over for a week, so you can have a break?

milbracat · 09/01/2014 18:51

Did he CHOOSE to be sick? Was there some sort of "in sickness and in health" clause in your marriage vows.

Would you expect sympathy if YOU were laid up?

On balance I think YABU.

FryOneFatManic · 09/01/2014 18:54

OP I don't think YABU, I can understand that your tiredness could be affecting you.

Original poster
AddictedToCoffee · 09/01/2014 18:56

He doesn't say he wants me to run aroud after him but did through a strop about no lunch being cooked despite him being home all morning whereas i'd done the school run and went to the shop with the kids plus all the household chores.

As for a week off, i wish! I don't even get a day or night off (ebf baby). Think that's what grates on me too....he wants sympathy when he sick but when he's well i get nothing!

OP posts:
Original poster
AddictedToCoffee · 09/01/2014 18:58

Milbracat - not only do i get no sympathy, i'm expected to carry on as normal when i'm sick.

OP posts:
DisgraceToTheYChromosome · 09/01/2014 22:39

Your DH is a twat. I've been hacking up green oysters since the 28th, but the housework still gets done, along with the paid job. But then DW is a nurse, so unless there's a bone sticking out or the red lines are tracking up my leg (plastic surgery sites don't keep out staph very well) sympathy is in short supply. I caught real flu once; took a temperature of 104 to convince her.

And stropping over lunch? A mate on chemo for testicular cancer managed the cooking AND he couldn't eat any of it.

Iwannalaylikethisforever · 09/01/2014 22:44

Depends if he's got a "man sickness"
I don't entertain these
But echo
"In sickness and in health"

Lilacroses · 09/01/2014 22:44

Oh it's bloody horrible that isn't it? You've been slaving at home with all the work and responsibilities that entails and then your dh (or dp in my case) comes back from a semi exciting trip abroad, is either ill or too tired to help and STILL you are doing it all! I totally understand op. If your DH was kind and considerate when you are ill I'd say that despite understanding your feelings yabu but as he isn't yanbu at all!

Lilacroses · 09/01/2014 22:46

I don't agree with all this sexist stuff about "manflu" or perhaps the men in my family particularly stoic, they hardly ever complain about being ill and never take time off work.

WhoNickedMyName · 09/01/2014 22:52

YANBU.

Travelling combined with late night (piss ups?) will mean he's a bit run down. Most people just get on with it, take some vitamins and have a few early nights, not take to their bed for 3 days.

MatriarchMommy · 09/01/2014 22:56

Whats he moaning about lunch for if he's so sick he can't help you for a few hours.

BeaWheesht · 09/01/2014 23:09

Well see I'd have said yabu before but dh was ill and had 4 weeks off work, Lay in bed etc - he was genuinely ill and I was worried and felt sorry for him.

BUT

I was admitted to hospital with breathing difficulties, quite severe ones, the next day was Monday so even though if just been discharged I had to do everything as normal because he was working. It was a tricky situation because he's already missed so much work and understandably didn't want to piss them off but he was also entirely unsympathetic when he wasn't at work and moaned about having to do 'everything' even though on day 1 out of hospital I did school runs, looked after toddler all day, visited MiL, did a shop and ran around to extra curricular activities.

Therefore my new motto is no sympathy.

Please excuse massive rant!

wobblyweebles · 09/01/2014 23:23

YANBU having been in the same situation myself recently.

When dh is away I don't have anyone to take over if I'm ill. When he's back unless he's dying he can pull his weight.

BABaracus · 09/01/2014 23:37

OP - your husband really cannot have been that ill if he was moaning about lunch. He sounds very selfish.

JustGettingOnWithIt · 10/01/2014 07:00

I'm a Lp, realy ill and struggling to cope, Its one thing to want people to accept I'm in trouble and past doing anything an beg for fluids if they're passing another to expect a nurse housekeeper service.

Pollydon · 10/01/2014 07:09

YANBU at all.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 10/01/2014 07:12

Just had a bug very like that..and I couldnt help with DD at all or do much at all. It was norovirus which floors you. dH also had it and was same while he did.

So YABU a bit and so are the people who say they still do stuff while sick..you cant with all bugs.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 10/01/2014 07:13

And I still wanted lunch on day 3 but couldn't have cooked it.

Original poster
AddictedToCoffee · 10/01/2014 07:28

Thanks for the replies. Can understand that sometimes people can be too sick to do anything and I probably would've been a bit more supportive if it hadn't been the tenth day in total of having too do all the childcare and housework by myself. And then have DH feeling entitled to be looked after aswell, just a bit too much so needed to rant!

OP posts:
fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 10/01/2014 07:36

Yes its fair enough. I was a bit the same when DH had bug and just lay in bed but then learned the hard way by getting it.

Hope he improves soon,is bad timing.

MyBachisworsethanmybite · 10/01/2014 07:50

YABU for not being sympathetic as it is horrible being ill enough that you can't do anything, but YANBU for not having any energy left.

Hope he gets well soon and you get some rest.

Original poster
AddictedToCoffee · 10/01/2014 15:13

Think finally got to the root of the problem. DH has just said to me that the problem is i don't know my role

OP posts:
Original poster
AddictedToCoffee · 10/01/2014 15:14

Postes too soon....his to go to work, mine is

OP posts:
Original poster
AddictedToCoffee · 10/01/2014 15:16

To do everything else...all week, weekend included!

No sympathy at all for him!

OP posts:
DisgraceToTheYChromosome · 11/01/2014 00:27

He said that? Without smiling? The fucker.