to wish DP would relieve me of baby duties while I'm ill?

[Wuxiapian]

I'm 32 weeks pregnant.

DS2, 11 months, has been ill with bronchiolitis - we ended up in hospital and I stayed overnight with baby. I had 4 very broken hours sleep that night - much of the awake time standing beside the cot.

Baby and I returned home the following day and needless to say, I was shattered. Baby, DP and I managed an hour nap (even though DP had a good sleep at home the night before), but awoke with baby crying and DP not offering to fix his bottle - I got myself up to do it after baby whinged for 5 mins.

I've felt rotten since. Lacking in energy and very hormonal and wish DP would offer to look after DS while I grab a little nap, but he hasn't.

He has a cold, which is fair enough. We all have.

He works from home and I don't want to disturb him, but AIBU to expect him to see how wretched I feel and offer a little help??

Do they have Homestart in your area? I know it's not much but it's a bit extra support?

Your dp is an utter prick. Unless he's a complete idiot there should be absolutely no need to spell it out that at 32 weeks pregnant and a long sleepless night at hospital (during which your dp got a full night's sleep) you need him to get up from his unnecessary nap and see to his own child.

What does he do once he finishes work?

You poor thing :(

How are you going to manage with a new baby as well? your older baby still sounds so needy.

Not many suggestions I'm sorry as it does sound very hard. Can you afford to put the older one in nursery a few days a week? I worry about your dp working from home though as it really doesn't sound as if he will be getting much work done in a few months. My dh sometimes works from home and when he does he does find it hard to shut off from the dc/household etc.

He does need to realise however that once his working day is done he needs to give 100% to helping with the dc/housework etc. There is no time to be resting after his work with 2 tiny children at home :(

chat to your hv, see what help might be available. You will get there. sort yourself out with lists of toddler groups, library story fine sessions etc so you have somewhere to go most days, get a bit of a routine going. Hopefully with your elder one being so young you will be able to jiggle your day to have them both napping at the same time .

I mean it about office rules though. You might well fine as your toddler gets bigger or will be hard if your dp is in and out of the office. You will need the defined boundary of daddy being at work otherwise they just won't get why he isn't playing etc.

I do sympathise, it is very easy to think murderous thoughts when you are feeling crap and you know they are in the house! Can you perhaps see if he van work his day to take a full hour for lunch so you can have a nap while he and the toddler have lunch together?

Rookie "Oh and asking your parent to help when your DCs are ill is not "bugging" someone with "needy hints", it's purely asking for someone to treat you like they would want to be treated."

Oh, I completely agree, Wuxi's DH needs to respond to the impact that a night in hospital has had and show some care and consideration - and that if he doesn't see that off his own bat Wuxi has every right to ask directly and clearly for help.

I didn't mean to sound as unsympathetic as I did, OP, but I think you will do better being assertive and clear about the actual help you need and focus on that rather than things like texting him from the front room that your dad has popped in and to come in. That is what I mean by 'needy bugging'.

If he's working, he's working. I work from home, but I still have to do my hours and I have meetings and client calls.

Outside his working hours he should be doing all he can to help. Technically, he should be able to do more than most as he doesn't have a commuting time to factor in. If you need more help than that you need to come to an agreement where he takes annual or unpaid leave, but it's not fair to expect him to help during working hours.

OP does your baby nap during the day? If so take full advantage of that and personally i would be telling dp that from 8pm you are handing ds over to him to do bath, bottle and bed and you take an early night. He might be busy but he can stop to take an hour and get da to bed so uou can catch up on sleep.

My DH works from home. He is very disciplined about office hours and I avoid disturbing him where possible.

However, if our child had spent a night in hospital and I needed to sleep I can be fairly sure he would stop working for a few hours and work into the evening instead. Just the same as he would do if he was going to an office, he would try if possible to take a few hours off in case of emergency. It is not rocket science. It seems as if yours thinks it is not his responsibility to care for his own sick child or to look after his pregnant wife. Yes, you will have to learn to deal with two, but normal daily life with two is not the same as a sick child in hospital. He has also chosen to have a second child and needs to step up to the plate.

Why are you tip toeing around him?

People who work at home are working, and (depending on what his job is) may well need to concentrate. Your H might be desperately trying to get ahead with his work so he has more spare time to help when the baby arrives. Or he might be worried that you will pester him all day with trivia just because he's physically in the house.
You need a proper discussion about his working hours, the help you need at present, and at what points in his working day it's a good/bad idea to interrupt him with non-urgent stuff.