To be so fed up of the same children getting the prizes/parts/rewards again and again?

[handwasher]

Ok so probably I am being bitter and unreasonable but wonder if anyone else feels like me

Since DS Y2 started school it just seems like again and again it is the same children who get the award certificates, parts in the play, reading at the church assemblies etc and it really annoys me. In a way it seems to be a self-fulfilling circle that they are told they are great, get a good part or reward etc, this boosts their confidence and therefore they work harder, so get more prizes etc etc.

These same children are also the ones who are usually on the top table too. They get loads of praise and encouragement and the others just seem to be left by the wayside. I'm not saying that these children shouldn't be praised - of course they should but there is a very obvious bias towards them. For example in DS's class there is a little girl with special needs who has just started to write her name (a major achievement for her) and yet who got the progress prize?... a child from the top table of course! I really thought that the girl should have got it as it would have been so lovely to have recognised her.

I suppose I have started to worry about it more as DS is becoming more aware of this and talks about these children in terms of them being really clever and him not being clever or good because he never gets anything. It's quite upsetting and I hate the fact that he now seems to have internally labelled himself as not good enough. He is a nice friendly child, keen and enthusiastic at school but this doesn't seem to be enough for the teacher and he is wilting really through lack of motivation.

I just wish the school could take the time and effort to motivate all the children and find something good in all of them not just the same ones again and again.

In a good school all children should get recognised for something.

But some will always get recognised more often and that's unavoidable.

At ds school they have one award for actual acedemic achievement and one for (roughly translated) sitting still for more than 30 seconds. Ds has never got either as he can sit still for 45 secs and does ok.

I imagine for a teacher it is a really hard to get the balance right, and for everyone to feel rewarded. Why don't you have a chat the teacher about it?

Dd wanted the 'kindness cup' given out once a week to one child in class 3 classes in a year 3 years at school.

By rights she should at least have gotten once during her time at the school she was and still is kind works hard and is a happy child.

But no it went to the child that hadn't fought all week - or who managed to sit nicely without hitting anyone - or who made good progress etc...... Some kids got it 3 or more times :(

my dh got her a trophy for Xmas and engraved it with xxxxxx kindness cup winner 2013 she thought it was the best thing ever.....

That's a lovely idea twinkeltoedelephant I might try doing a little family awards ceremony!

How do you know all this? The awards and prizes at our school are not generally publicised to all parents in the school.
If the school is publicising this info, then it should be simple enough for you to compile the data and challenge the HT, otherwise I think all you can do is focus on your own DC and making sure that they know you notice and appreciate their efforts.

It is exactly the same at ds school.

They always say who has got awards Etc in the news letter, always the same children. Ditto class assembly's, plays and concerts.

It's always the children of the parents who are really involved in the school.

Ds is year 6 now, so the children all notice.

Same at my dd's primary too!

My DD started noticing it in year 1. Now in year 4, if there is a competition such as art or an extra-curricular class which has limited spaces, she doesn't any longer take part.

It's a shame as she has always been introvert but when she previously put herself forward, the usual children were chosen.

How do you know all this? The awards and prizes at our school are not generally publicised to all parents in the school.

Probably from speaking to her children.

I am aware who wins what at our school via my children and their friends - it isn't shrouded in mystery.

I suggest a polite, calm chat with the teacher with no suggestion of blame and telling her the effect it has on your child OP. It may be an oversight. I did do this regarding the 'make 10' system they used to implement at our primary school and the teacher agreed that in a larger class it is easy to overlook children. It may be worth a try at least.

I find it unusual that a 'Top Table' child would be given a reward for progress. These are usually used by schools to encourage middle/ lower ability children; more likely that high achieving children who do well anyway would be overlooked for these kinds of prizes (in my experience). I'm not really a fan of these prizes myself.

Also the play/ assembly thing. I think it's only natural to give parts with lots of speaking to children who:

1, have the ability to learn lots of words and follow the story.
2, are good and enjoy public speaking.
3, want to do it

There is no point giving a part with lots of speaking/ reading/ words to learn, to a child that isn't able to do it. How is that good for their self confidence?

My older dc are in high school now and there is none of this. Younger ds is still at primary, and until a new head came last year, it was the same kids getting awards, 'star of the week', picked for various things. New head teacher came and did away with it all.

Previously you wouldn't need up open the newsletter to know who would have their name in lights. It made a mockery of it all.
Now there are awards assemblies where awards are given for good citizenship, improvement (both behavioural and academic) and achievements out with school.

They award a cup for citizenship to a departing P7 and last years winner had the room bawling and snivelling, he just didn't expect it, or consider himself in the running.

I just don't understand this mentality.

If the children getting the prizes are the ones who most deserve them, then the school is being fair and as a parent you need to put more time and effort into your child to fix the problems you think this fair treatment is causing him.

If the children getting the prizes are not deserving, take it up with the school and tell them to stop being so lazy in favouring the most popular / appealing / easy children. Also deal with your own child accordingly.

A school is just a school. The parent(s) is/are the chief providers of emotional development.

My kids who are now at secondary school, have accepted the fact that some middling performing children are given house points and awards, to encourage them, Which seems fair to me.

I remember in school, both Primary and Secondary, there were a group of a few people who seemed to be picked for everything. However, I was often picked for things like narrating the play because I could speak up, so maybe there were other children who thought that of me.

I know that when DD1 came home and told me she was being the Star in the nativity, I was a bit put out that she wasn't Mary or an angel. But when I actually saw the play, I realised why. She had to dance to twinkle twinkle little star on her own, and say a line, and lead some of the others around the stage. Far more than Mary or the angels had to do. So actually it was a good thing.

However, if you feel like its unfair in your school, you should take it up with the teacher.

I hope it's not usual - we record who we have given awards to to check everyone has one during the year - sometimes kids get them more than once before we've made it through the list but only for something we really felt needed to be awarded that week.

I am a teacher and try really hard to get the balance right. We chose a child from the bottom table to be Mary this year and she did really well and it really boosted her confidence.

My dd who is quiet really got overlooked in year 2. Luckily her year 3 teacher seems really good at seeing all her qualities.

It isn't fair to compare big parts in the play, public speaking or sporting/musical/academic awards with awards for progress or good behaviour. They aren't the same.

Some children are good at speaking/sport/music. It is meaningless to give awards or parts in a play to children who are not good at these things because it is 'fair' - the children see that it is meaningless and the award is further down graded.

Star of the week type awards should be accessible to all children - that is actually the point of them.

If your school is genuinely giving these types of awards to the same children (and you have newsletters etc to back this up) then pursue it.

To be honest, I just don't believe these parents who say its always the same children, especially when they say it is the children of volunteers, govenors or staff. That just sounds petty. Childre very quickly spot if the same child gets the award more than twice and will point this out to the teacher themselves. I just don't believe any school is getting away with the kind of behaviours described here - parents would have ALREADY complained.

Children constantly getting picked for teams/parts for plays - that's life. Aside from anything else, a rubbish team will get thrashed and feel demoralised. Sport, even at primary level, is competitive by nature.

YANBU it used to happen all the time at our primary. It seemed as if there was only one girl who had a half decent singing voice in the whole place ( or so you would have thought), year after year she would be there in the limelight. Shame my DD told us what a horrible bully she could be

We have so many awards at my school that it's almost impossible to not get something! We have: golden book for contribution to the school ethos (one child chosen per class every week) Golden Box for the 'always do the right thing' children, (weekly) lunchtime champions for good playing (daily), star of the day, star of the week, congratulations assembly (where 3 children from each class show their good work), attendance prizes...it goes on. We simply can't keep track of who gets what, but the 'always do the right thing' prize is for the children who don't get the motivational behaviour management prizes like star of the day because they tend to go to the child who struggles with behaviour, but has had a good day/week. That prize was introduced exactly because the good, but quieter children were often overlooked. I would be very surprised if any children in my class felt that they never got an award!