To wonder why so many working mums are asked if they do ft or pt?

[superstarheartbreaker]

I mean...does it matter either way? I never got asked before dc. Your damned if you do and dont anyway!

I work lots of hours and I have never once been questioned. In rl I dont think people ever ask. Well none I have ever met anyway.

Dahlen 1000s of people have thrir children in full.time childcare. I have both mine in and lots od people do nowadays, more so than ever before.

I don't mind people asking if I am full or part time but I do hate that every time I am asked what I do I am always asked if I am in admin and they are always amazed when I say that I am a director of the company albeit on part time hours and this is from educated formerly professional women.

I've had this quite a lot recently - people will give me suggestions on how to cut back (because I hadn't thought if that myself!) and how I'll regret missing out on DS so much when he's older. Well yes, it would be lovely to spend more time with him, but I really think that I'd regret having our house repossessed and having no money for food more.

but surely it's a normal question when catching up on life with friends?

Dahlen 1000s of people have thrir children in full.time childcare. I have both mine in and lots od people do nowadays, more so than ever before.

I can't get worked up about this. Women generally do work either part time or full time. Much more so than men.

I've worked full time in my career and now part time. People have asked me, but I've not felt judgement, just curiosity. A starter in a conversation about motherhood and working from one woman to another, who will have faced the same considerations (if not choices) after becoming a mother. Do I remain at home? Do I return to my career full time or part time? (I'm sure many of us have thought about starting a business from home or starting a new career path and so on) but may have arrived at a different conclusion to you ( again, those considerations could have had different meaning. Can I afford to stay at home? Can I bear to leave my baby at all to go to work? Will my employer have a negative attitude to me since I've taken maternity leave).

Admittedly, some women are defensive of their choices, or are envious of the other women who chosen a different way.

But at the end of the day. I Think we all do the best we can under the individual circumstances we are under.

I would love to work full time, how do you all manage school holidays?

I agree with the OP. But I find that while women are more likely to ask if I am PT or FT, men with stay-at-home wives are more likely to tell you that it's okay for me to work, but they didn't want their children to be "reared by strangers".

One of those was my old boss!

It does annoy me that people assume women will go pt (and never the dad!) because that assumption damages women's careers.

But how many men ACTUALLY go part time compared women?

It annoys me too. And often with sympathy/horror when you reply full time! Yes, many mothers work part time, but I do consider that a luxury, and one we can't afford. Looking at the bigger picture, I feel quite strongly that a woman's career and income should be maintained because you never know what will happen in future. I think if the man's career is favoured for a long time and the woman falls behind, it's very difficult for this to balance out over the years. I guess this is not important to everyone, but I was brought up to expect a satisfying career and it's important to me.

On the outside I am a sahp but I work from home, I love when people judge I have no reason to tell them I work because it is none of there business and there is nothing wrong with being a sahp. Whatever you are as a women sahm/ pt/ ft someone is going to judge, I just hate it when women judge, can't we be on the same side.

Penguinplease - our nursery is open in the holidays as well - they do a school pickup/dropoff for older children before and after school and also take them all day during the holidays.

I work pt and have been called a "weekend parent" by a sahm. Once dd starts nursery in September I would love to take on more hours. I work 3 days a week and still get to put my dd to bed every night so hardly a weekend parent

Because it's a normal, unintrusive type question when making conversation with someone you've either not seen for a while or are just getting to know.
A lot of Mums are lucky enough to be able to work PT, whereas statistically fewer Dads do and fewer people who are not parents do.

It's called 'having a chat' or 'making conversation'.
It's normal in RL, and only on MN would someone take offence at such a question.

In all the years I have been a parent nobody has expressed shock, outrage or horror about my working status. Nobody has been rude to me about it.

Conversations have gone something like.

'Do you work away from home?'

'Yes, I do,'

'Oh, where'

(. I tell them)

Oh, that's sounds challenging, are you full time?

Yeah I do full time. it can be, but I like it. What about you?

Oh I work at ( where ever) part time. I do 4 mornings.

Cool!

No judgement, just a conversation around getting to know someone .

Where are all these judgemental people because I've been a mum for 17 years?

I will get flamed for this as I am the op but what do the sahm of children who are at boarding schools do? I work at one so am curious.

I do ask to make conversation really, not to judge. I have worked full time and part time after having children, and never read much into people asking me that question. However, I have now retrained and I am a (part time) childminder, you should hear the comments I get from other women, and the vast number of raised eyebrows!

I suppose I ask because I have major respect for someone working ft and being a mum/dad. I couldn't do it without having a meltdown

Before dd I just thought that ft was 'normal'. Now I can see I was completely naive.

Its just a question. Lots of people don't go back to work, so others ask about that. Of those who do go back lots are part time. So people ask the question. That's all. Stop over thinking it and projecting

I start a new job on Monday and keep being told how 'lucky' I am that it's part-time like my previous job (which I returned to after maternity leave having been full-time beforehand). Um... what? I get to spend time with DD and my employer gets to pay me less. It's win-win!

I was honest with new boss and said 'look, I have a small daughter; I'm looking for part-time work'. His reaction was 'so you're a mum? Brilliant! You must be incredibly organised to be able to work and raise a family. I wouldn't know where to start. Gosh, we really need someone like you in our company'. And much as I'm delighted that he was so positive about my personal life I wish that this wasn't unusual. It shouldn't be unusual. But most people I've encountered seem to think that part-time = slacker.

although my boss hasn't seen the state of my house