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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

and possibly unlawful with this plan?

53 replies

ErsonOfPinterest · 08/01/2014 23:22

long story short (and n/ced as worried about outing myself)
There's been a series of sex attacks in our area, not word of mouth, police have been knocking on doors warning people. Daytime attacks on people at bus stops. The one where my DD gets the bus. And attacks in the area she does her paperround. Angry The man is quite identifiable so should be easy to spot if he appears. we have been told to dial 999 if we see him.
I want DDto be able to protect herself and her friend that shes always with. I am thinking of getting her a mini spray deodorant to keep in her blazer pocket to spray in an attackers eyes if necessary.
Is this a bad move? Obviously I don't want to advice her to do anything illegal, but want to have a chance in the event of the unthinkable.

OP posts:
Birdsgottafly · 10/01/2014 23:02

He problem with self defence "weapons" is that they can give a false sense of security, as can a self defense course.

If this is a serial sex offender, the best thing is awareness (everyone) and not taking any chances.

Tbh, if they think he is at large, there should be a police presence and if doing her paper round puts her at risk, "the community" should be happy for this to be suspended.

She shouldn't be doing her round alone, but I think it's dangerous to tell teen (who think they are invincible anyway) girls that they could fight a man.

I don't know if any of you have been attacked, in any way, by a man who has done it before and is looking to mug/injure/rape, but a teen girl isn't going to fight him off.

The best defense is running (if possible) and screaming, or talking to him to kill time, which again a teen probably wouldn't be capable, depending on the perpetrator.

Most weapons carried by the public, or kept within reach, end up used on them. I read a similar statistic about armed police in other countries being shot with their own weapon.

goodasitgets · 10/01/2014 23:04

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zipzap · 11/01/2014 00:03

I was also told on a self defense course (long time ago now!) that you need to give yourself permission and psych yourself up in advance that, in this sort of situation, it is OK to hurt somebody. Because we are conditioned to be nice, and that it's bad to hurt somebody else. If you're a nice person (which I am sure that you and your dd are!) then it doesn't come naturally or obviously to actually hurt someone iykwim.

So, if you're discussing this with her, then she needs to realise that if she is ever in this situation, that if she is trying to fight her way away from this man, then she will really have to hurt him - and that is OK and a good thing to do to him.

Also, he is likely to be much stronger than her so not to try to do things that need strength. If he has got his hands around her, don't try to wrench the whole hand off but go for the little finger on one hand - and bend it back as far and fast as she can, with the aim of breaking it. At which point he should let go or at least loosen as it's a pain he won't be expecting. Likewise - fingers gouging in eyes, biting his tongue if he tries to kiss her (yukky I know but again effective apparently), smashing his nose, even fingers up his nose to scratch / damage / make breathing more difficult, fingers in ears to try to hurt his ear drum, pulling his ears really hard, serious hair pulling... One of the lines we were given to remember was 'grab, twist and pull' which applies to most of the things above, and obviously to his private parts, should he decide to make them non-private.

We were also told that it's very difficult to hit and hurt somebody else in these situations but if you are close and it's come to that, if you put all your fingers and thumb together (sort of as if you were going to do a duck shadow puppet, using that as a starting point but just have the fingers and thumb all together and braced rigid together), then use it with a stabber motion - groin, solar plexus, kidneys from the back, eyes/ear/nose etc again to give maximum pain to somebody despite not being very strong.

Also, if someone has you in a strangehold or choke hold with their arm around your neck, they can hurt you most effectively if they have got their arm across the front of your neck. So, try to turn your head so the front of your neck is in either in the crook of their elbow (and get your chin down so he is pushing on your chin rather than your neck) or the back of your neck if you can't turn that way around. Won't work forever, especially if someone is strong but might get you an extra few moments to do more harm. If you just put your own hand up to your neck and gently push it on the side of your neck and then the front of your neck, it's almost immediately obvious that it feels quite odd to have even the slightest little bit of pressure on the front of your neck, which is why this is something that's good to try beforehand as it will hopefully stick in her memory and if the worst were to happen, it wouldn't be such a shock and she has a better chance of figuring what to do.

And finally - to figure out in advance where the achilles tendons are on a person and if she has got good strong soled shoes on, show her how to stamp down and across on them to try to take them out to stop him running after her (or at least slowing him down).

fingers crossed they catch him soon and he doesn't attack anyone else before they do!

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