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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to feel tricked after letting man into our lives.

10 replies

Tequilatequila · 08/01/2014 21:46

Please dont flame.
I have a young DC, and a partner who I let into our lives and it wasnt a decision that was taken lightly. He has a pretty decent but normal job, normal career, good prospects and when it comes to other aspects of his life nothing has been held back from us.
It was mentioned this morning that he had had a post saved for him to go into the army to become an officer which was always his back up plan but he had to defer as last year he was doing something else. He said he emailed them to defer again to next year. But that he probably will never go.
what does that even mean? you either want to or you dont surely? why keep it as an open option and why hide it from us until now. Im all for the armed forces and I think they, along with their families are absolute heroes.
But me and DC have had a very traumatic time of it with his dad and I was open and honest with DP about that from the start, maybe if he had been with me I wouldnt have continued the relationship, I just want stability for DS, I dont want him to have men leave all the time and to have to explain about the army when theres enough going on with his own dad.

I know its only a possibility and im probably being a bit dramatic about it but I just feel like he should have told us from the start because now Ive fallen in love with a man whos perfect in every way but he might just leave, And i know what that would do to my heart let alone DCs

OP posts:
TheCrumpetQueen · 08/01/2014 21:50

How long have you been together before he told you this?

PedlarsSpanner · 08/01/2014 21:59

Do you know what?

He has shown his hand, he lies shamelessly, get rid.

meganorks · 08/01/2014 21:59

I have no idea about the army, but that sounds a bit odd to me. You can just have a post held open for you but you keep deferring a year? Sounds fishy but maybe I'm wrong.

sparklysilversequins · 08/01/2014 22:01

He probably isn't seeing it as a viable option but doesn't want to let it go, it's pretty hard to get accepted.

I don't think it's that much of a deal tbh, though I would want to be kept informed from here on.

ICanTuckMyBoobsInMyPockets · 08/01/2014 22:03

I think you've been tricked, but think you're wrong about how.

Sounds to me like he's keeping his options open so in a year if he's had enough he can 'join the army'.

Or make you feel guilty because he didn't go as you didn't want him to.

jacks365 · 08/01/2014 22:05

Someone I know was deferred for a year but it wasn't at his choice ie he couldn't request to defer any longer, the army ended up calling him up before the year was up and he had to go.

sparklysilversequins · 08/01/2014 22:06

I joined the army and deferred a few times, it was a massive decision and I wasn't sure about it so was procrastinating basically. Not as an officer though. In the end they put their foot down and said go now or not at all. I went.

WilsonFrickett · 08/01/2014 22:10

Isn't it really hard to get in as an officer? Why would someone go through all that and then defer, unless they were very young and planning to go through uni or something first?

Sorry op, not helpful but it doesn't sound right to me..

LessMissAbs · 08/01/2014 22:12

I can see why you feel insecure, but surely theres no guarantee with any human being that they will stick around for the rest of their lives?

DoYouNeedAWahhmbulance · 08/01/2014 22:14

I think he was really out of order not to tell you, when you're building a future with someone then that kind of information should absolutely be shared

I would not choose to have a relationship with someone in the forces and I would resent that kind of thing being sprung on me when I was already committed to someone

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