dp's wx has withdrawn contact AGAIN wibu?

[NachoAddict]

Dp is out of work, has been since end of Nov. This means that I am covering all of the expenses including his car finance, insurance, fuel etc and all expenses related to dsd including her hobbies, which we also take her to, her Christmas gifts and feeding and clothing her. However I can't afford to cover the maintenance to his ex nor do I think I should. We have dsd a lot anyway she went back Saturday night after 11 days with us.

While he is not working dp is covering the morning childcare to save money on breakfast club and he is picking us up from school to save bus/taxi fares or walking in the cold. I don't drive.

Dps ex has decided that since he is nit in work dp should collect their dd from school and deliver her home to her mum. So not extra contact, literally just a taxi service. On Monday when she asked, thinking it was a one off he asked his mum to collect her then he picked her up from his mums and dropped her home.

Yesterday he explained he couldn't pick her up from school but he would go and pick her up from ex straight after for her hobby. Usually ex drops her off with me after school so I can take her to the hobby which I pay for. Needless to say she wasn't allowed to come.

today she text me saying tell dp that he is picking dd up from school since he is not working.

I replied saying sorry but dp is picking me up so he wont be available.

She then demanded that if he wouldn't pick her up he needs to pay the maintenance.

I replied again saying that he is not working so has no income to pay maintenance and we don't get working tax credits so he doesn't have to pay with those either.

She said well he doesn't have to see her then either does he.

WIBU to insist dp pick us up from school? We are already cutting it fine financially with one wage so putting petrol in for dp to collect dsd and us still getting a bus/taxi is not an option. Dps ex drives and doesn't work. Her partner works full time on a good wage and she is claiming as a single parent so they cant be that skint surely?

Before he lost his job he paid all the time and never reduced the rate due to living with my children or due to the amount of time we had her which legally he would be entitled to do so its not like he has shirked his responsibilities.

I'm confused. So he doesn't normally do pick ups but other times he's been out of work, he has done? Doesn't that mean she's just asked for something she normally gets when he's out of work and doesn't pay maintenance? But this time he can't because it doesn't fit your needs. I can see why she would be annoyed because it does seem unfair but she is still being unreasonable to cut contact.

Sorry that wasn't clear. He never picks up from school which is what she is requesting this time. He would usually pick her up after school from her mums house if he is not working. If he is working his ex drops her off straight from school either with me or mil.

Surely his ex will be worse off if she stops contact? If you usually have her 3 to 4 nights a week and she stops that then she will have that much extra food, clothing, childcare to cover herself?

nicky no problem I only just learnt that info so your post is very helpful because I bet others don't know either.

5foit5 mil will have her instead. They are very close and mil would jump at the chance for extra contact.

That is a whole other thread!

"Her income has no relevance whatsoever to your partner's responsibility to meet his half of the costs of feeding and clothing her. Sorry."

So presumably you think a non working PWC always has to work and contribute half as well, including when they have no partner.

Ooh I think I get it now! Definitely her being unreasonable then I think!

YANBU, and I feel your pain.

She is obviously being unreasonable. Do you have proof that DSD stays with you so frequently? I'm wondering if you could threaten to get the contact agreement formalised but then that might take some time.

How old is DSD?

YANBU Unless there is any danger to the child - one parent should never get to decide whether contact continues with the other parent. They don't have any right to decide this. As it has been said many times, the child isn't pay-per-view. Your DP could be an arse with money (I don't think he is btw) but still should be 'allowed' to see his own child in a regular routine.

I have texts going back a few months confirming where dp should pick dsd up from every Friday (exs or mils) and what time we should drop her off on Sunday. (always to suit ex).

I have kept them and make a point of sending those texts because this is not the first time she has withdrawn contact and I wanted to prove that we have her often and there is no reason for it to change.

Dsd is 5.

Hmm - I'm not sure of how the best way to go about contact issues is, and engaging a solicitor is not what you want if you're broke, but I wonder if a formal solicitors letter stating there is a history of contact and you will go to court for formalised access would make her see sense?

The danger of course is that she becomes more entrenched and then you might end up needing to take an expensive time consuming route.

Could you explain in a non confrontational way that you have a record of the contact and you'd like to keep the contact as it has been for the benefit of your DSD and to avoid her being hurt? It depends how reasonable she is capable of being I guess but it's a tricky situation as your DSD is too young to understand. What about mediation?

Chasedbybees Thanks for the advice, it is helpful.

dp is going to give her until the weekend to calm down. He thinks she just got herself into a rage because she is used to getting her own way. However if she has not changed her mind I will suggest he takes your advice.