To have almost never listened to my children read?

[Vidaloca]

Children are 8,10 and 14 and I have never really listened to any of them read, because it hasn't seem necessary and because neither they nor I enjoy it. (when I say 'never' I'm exaggerating. I mean it's not something I'd do for more than five minutes every couple of weeks or so, but sometimes not for weeks or months at a time). What I have done (don't still do this with my oldest as she is past this point now) is read TO them for at least 20 minutes every night. I chose books I think they'll like (or they choose them) and I work really hard to read them in an engaging way so that the dc's become totally absorbed in the story. None of my children have struggled to decode text (although ds2 was a slow starter), they enjoy reading alone and now all have reading ages well above their actual ages. However, I feel that their teachers don't approve and wonder whether I'm seen as neglectful by the school staff because I don't listen to them read and I'm honest about it.

Am I alone in almost never listening to them read, and am I mistaken in thinking that for some children not having to read aloud doesn't seem to make much difference to their progress as readers?

DS didn't like me reading to him.

Even as a baby he'd take the book off me and babble it to himself.

I knew when I wasn't needed!!

I did it as little as possible. I found it really boring. But also I read some research that suggested that reading in front of them (to yourself) and having books in the house were as likely to turn them into keen readers as listening to them ploughing through school reading books.

I always encouraged reading but to themselves where possible rather than me having to hear them.

They are all good keen readers (now aged 9-13), they read widely and enthusiastically, and do well on reading tests, so this bit of parental slackness doesn't seem to have been a problem.

I wish I could stop listening to DD read her school books. They are so dull and increasingly long, I often fall nod off half way through (I'm pregnant so it doesn't take much atm).

But I always feel obliged as I have to fill in the reading diary, even though I always write "well read" or something else similarly vague. I could lie in the diary but feel bad doing this.

TBH I don't think it makes much difference at this stage - so YANBU.

It's probably quite important in reception when they're just starting though....

I don't think YABU to not listen to them now that they are older, but I do think it's wrong to not bother when they are still at the stage where they are learning to read.

I work in early years and KS1, and it is very noticeable when parents don't hear their children read, and it usually holds them back.

I never listen to dd read one either. She's 7. Has a reading age of 10 and loves reading....

Listened a little when they started school. Didn't read myself that much in front of them but always bought them loads of books, library etc. Did read at night to them but not religiously. The 11 yr old is an avid reader and gives me his books to read now, the younger one still likes me to read to him at night but is reads a lot on his own now.

I do every night then I read to them.
If he struggles I can see where and come up with ways to help him decode it.

Everyone's different though.

I think your children are probably past the critical age when practising reading is important.

I know for my two girls, they needed to practise reading nearly every night when they were first learning to read, and with dd2 aged 8, she still reads to me nearly every night.

I also help them with their homework most nights. We are in Belgium and the standard of education is very high. If your child doesn't keep up, they are quickly held back a year.

I've always been of the opinion that the way to get children to read is to make them want to read, and you won't do that until they learn to love stories.

I absolutely love audio books myself, and almost every spare penny I have goes on them. Being able to listen to a book being read on headphones while I go about my chores at home has hugely upped the number of novels I'm able to get through in a month.

I listen to mine read every day so I can help them. But I don't suppose it matters anymore if your children are older.

How do you know how they're coming on if you don't listen to them though?

Also my ds loves showing me how good he's getting at it.

Granted when he first started it was torture, still is when I'm tired sometimes, but I do think it's important.

Like MaddAddam, I've focused on modelling good reading behaviour

It seems to have worked.

But Kelda, if practicing reading is important in the early days, how did my children end up as skilled readers without doing it? DS1 has the highest reading age in his class, and he's the one I listened to least. DD left primary at the age of 10 with a reading age of 15. DS2 is the least able reader of my three, but he's got ASD and still has a reading age 3 years above his actual age.

Mine have loved having me read to them, so much that they didn't want to learn to read themselves - why have a dog and bark yourself approach. I now make their stories contingent on them reading to me first (for the older ones).

"How do you know how they're coming on if you don't listen to them though?"

I ask their teacher and read their reports.

Vidaloca well good for you and your children then.

"but I do think it's wrong to not bother when they are still at the stage where they are learning to read"

But why do you need to do it if neither of you enjoy it and your children are making good progress as readers?

I do both, I listen to them read nightly and read to them at bedtime each night. I am reading Gangsta Granny with ds1 (8), mostly me reading it with him reading bits here and there. I also encourage him to read books/comics to himself as he has been a slow starter and only just really reading fluently. Ds2 (5) is an even slower starter and needs all the help he can get from school and home.

I work in early years and KS1, and it is very noticeable when parents don't hear their children read, and it usually holds them back.

This ^^

Obviously there are always exceptions to the rule and I presume yours fit this, but if they struggle parent input is vital.

Reading to them is also very important and I think it's really sad when some children would say that there were no books in the house and they never had a story read to them.

My children always saw me reading and the house was filled with books. One reads sporadically and the other isn't bothered.

DS1 does not really enjoy reading to me, he reads at least 4 yrs above his actual age and prefers to get engrossed in a book on his own. We have read to him from a tiny baby and listened to him read lots when he was little and learning to read. He doesn't really want us to read to him either now but reads about 200 pages a night to himself so I have no concerns.

I do check his reading diary and he writes stuff like 'i read this with ease' in it

"I work in early years and KS1, and it is very noticeable when parents don't hear their children read, and it usually holds them back."

Is there any good evidence that it holds back the children who are being read to regularly and whose parents are keen readers themselves? Or is it that most children who are not being listened to reading, are also not being read to?

I think that's quite an important question!

He is 7 btw.

I was the same, didn't really listen to them reading once they were past reception. Seemed pointless as all 4 could read well.
I gave up totally when I heard the youngest who was 5 at the time reading the newspaper out loud to his brother.
I sometimes read to them though. All 4 read loads now, youngest loves books, and is on a level 5b in year 4.
I think most get there in the end, some take longer than others.

nanny - are you disappointed? I'm surprised my kids love reading so much and am delighted as they never really saw me read a lot and I don't feel I encouraged them overly. I was a voracious reader as a child though so it means a lot to me to see their love of reading now.

I read to my infant school aged /toddler aged kids most nights for about 30 or 45 mins. I also listen to my infant school aged kids read for 20 mins most days. My kids have always loved books and enjoy reading. The older ones went on to read to themselves when alone a lot. I'm pretty sure all that reading has pushed sats levels up and more importantly helped them be as comfortably literate as possible.

I had very little support at home in the 70's and I think my parents let me down with their approach.