To be scared and overwhelmed about the next few months

[hb1976]

I am currently 35 weeks pregnant with our surprise 2nd child. We had our first child 2 years ago after many years of infertility and miscarriage so I realise how lucky we are. However, I just feel so overwhelmed at the moment.

Our 2 year old has speech delay and is only saying a couple of words at the moment. I have got her into speech therapy early and we go every 2 weeks. I try to do her exercises about 5 times a day but progress is very slow. She also has an upper lip tie which I am trying to get seen by a paediatrician in case it is hindering her speech but the medical professionals so far have been very dismissive of it.

I now have excessive amniotic fluid and am no uncomfortable. Obviously I am worried sick about the baby who is breech. I am also petrified of having a Caesarian. It seems such a big operation with a long recovery. I was scared of my 1st natural birth but coped with good care and an epidural. I am due valentine's day.

To top it all off my much loved grandad was diagnosed with aggressive soft tissue sarcoma in his lower leg on Xmas eve. We are now waiting to see if it has spread to his lungs. Best case scenario is a leg amputation, worst case nothing can be done.

It has just all got too much for me this morning and I've had a bit of a breakdown. My husband will have 2 weeks paternity leave but I'm worried how we will cope without our usual support network (my parents, sister, grandparents) who will all be helping my grandad. My husband will try his best but he's just not very good at 'house stuff' and being a nurse maid if I need it.

Can anyone give me any advice/tips/hope?

Got to Cook or m&s and get lots of yummy ready meals into the freezer. Line up some friends to take DD out for a few hours here and there and to her speech therapy once DH back at work. Can you get a cleaner for a bit to take the pressure off? And don't totally resign yourself to a section, they may offer you ECV which has a decent chance of working. Can you try moxibustion to turn baby?

Day to day, DH can get up early and take baby and toddler for an hour (or two!) whilst you sleep before her goes to work. Get him to make lunch for you and toddler and put it in the fridge so you can just grab and eat.

Good luck, you have loads on your plate and are doing really well x

If you have a section, get your Husband to request unpaid leave, or annual leave if you can.
I am 5 weeks post section and just able to care for DC on my own.
Get a cleaner. Cook or stock freezer with ready meals.
Why does your grandad having an op mean they cant help you too? I am sure they will still be able to support you as well.

So sorry to hear you've got so much going on. Not a lot of advice really except that if your husband is not so good with the "house stuff" is there any way you can afford a cleaner for even a couple of hours a week to keep on top of the essentials? Could your DH take some annual leave to give you a bit more time to recover if you do have a section.
I might also speak to your parents/sister now to see if they can at least help out when you need to take your DD to speech therapy every fortnight. Also could they help with a bit of batch cooking when they are doing their meals at home to get a few meals in the freezer for
you? Wishing you all the best.

X-post!

I can understand you feel panicky. BUT first off, don't be terrified about a possible c-section. I was petrified in advance of mine, but it was a calm and weirdly pleasant experience, with no pain or complications on recovery. I had it mid-morning, and was on my feet by dinner-time that evening, and showering etc. Bar being careful about lifting, and finding it difficult to get up from low seats, I don't remember it hampering my ability to care for my baby, and my husband only had a bare fortnight's leave too. Though unpaid leave is also a good suggestion...

I feel sure your family support network will be able to expand its activities to help you when you need it too, even if your grandfather is still ill in Feb. Your husband has enough time in the interval to get good at 'house stuff' (assuming you mean cooking and cleaning, which do not require massive funds of intelligence or experience!) or hire a cleaner temporarily, and freeze batches of food.

You did the right thing by getting your toddler into speech therapy so early, and I'm sure the progress will happen, even if frustratingly slowly!

Best wishes with it all.

Sorry to hear things are so tough.

First of all, don't be afraid to ask for help. Now is the time to call on your friends and family (although I understand your family is limited in what they can do due yo your Grandad).

Take everyone's suggestions so far, anything to lift the load from you. If you have any friends who are able to help out here are there ask them. I'm sure they would be happy to help. Get your DH to organise a cleaner up until the birth and a few months beyond if you can afford it. Also, ask him to see what can be done regarding some unpaid leave once the baby is born, just in case you do have a CS and need extra help.

Remember, a problem shared is a problem halved! I'm prone to retreating into my shell when I'm under stress and not asking for help. IME it's the worst thing you can do, so don't make that mistake. Everyone gets overwhelmed at some point or another.

Thanks everyone! I have pulled myself together a bit and just organised a cleaner one day a week for the foreseeable future. Next is an online food shop to stock up!