AIBU to judge someone by the company they keep

[CustardLover]

Or more specifically by something their fiancé said on FB?

I'm recruiting a nanny at the moment, down to two excellent candidates. I slightly prefer one, DH slightly prefers the other. Did a search for my preferred candidate and went down a Facebook rabbithole that led me to her fiance's page (all totally open) on which he makes quite a few angry statements about various things (immigrants and gay people for instance) totally at odds to my own values. It has made me question my preference for this candidate but AIBU?

Why is it stupid Alisvolatropiis? Is it discriminatory, legally I mean?

I don't know. A lot of my friends are homophobic or racists. I am the total opposite they can't help bring totally stupid i would go with your gut.

Your children are unlikely to even meet this person. I would tell her though about the Facebook thing
If it was 9on her page then fair enough but don't judge someone by someone else's opinions

If you can't judge people by who they choose to share their lives with then what can you judge them on?

Sinister

I think it could potentially be considered discrimination, a prospective employee is meant to selected/rejected on their ability/qualifications relating to the job.

Ah, ty.

Hey, op.

Did you manage to look on the other candidates facebook page?

I say this because there could be questionable views on hers too, just that you can't see them.

YABU. If she's an excellent candidate you should judge her on that rather than something someone she knows said on Facebook. Her personal life has nothing to with her work.

IMO YANBU.

No one can control any one else's views. In the case of family and old friends with which you have a long-established, supportive history, you may choose to agree to steer clear of certain topics and ignore a certain level of bigotry.

I have one or two old friends who would fall into this category. However, I have structured my life in such a way that I cannot become tainted by association with their views (e.g. limited contact, no facebook access, etc). This matters to me because I will never allow myself to be associated with racism, sexism, xenophobia or any other form of bigotry. The company you keep - or rather the type of relationship you have with the people you keep company with (whether regular or occasional) is IMO reflective of your own views.

Being capable of putting up with that level of bigotry from a fiancé implies either an stupendous lack of judgement or a sympathy with his views, neither of which are desirable qualities in someone charged with the responsibility of caring for the next generation. Not to mention the lunacy of having an open facebook page.

But at least she has the sense to hide them. Gives her the edge, anyway.

Normally I'd agree Topaz but a nanny is different. She is going to influence OP's kids, not just enter data on a spreadsheet or whatever.

Thanks all for your responses, they've been useful. A few answers to questions I think I was asked (and excuse typos / brevity - doing thumb-typing on the app while dreamfeeding)...

He's definitely her fiancé.

I searched for her (on the web, not specifically FB, but that was the top result and totally open) - this is standard practise though right? I feel no sheepishness about searching for her digital footprint - I would also always search for someone I was interviewing at work, let alone when that person is going to be in my home and in sole charge of my children.

I didn't search for him but he's tagged all over her profile and I clicked through, hence my rabbithole comment.

No, I searched for other candidate afterwards (who I also really really like and who DH always preferred) but couldn't find her - I get the point about what I can't see still might exist but as I can't see it I can't know.

I guess either DH or I were always going to have to slightly compromise and it looks like he 'wins' (although, like I say, there was just a hair's breath in it).

Oh and on a second look I can see she has liked and commented (usually with a 'haha' type statement) on a number of his rants so I feel on firmer ground assuming we're not culturally compatible.

I'm surprised though. I really liked her. But I really like the other one too so lucky me.

Fair enough OP. I'm just glad my stepfather doesn't have facebook, otherwise I'd be unemployable!

You can't choose your parents/siblings, you do choose your fiancé. I would not employ her and wouldn't tell her why. She's not the best candidate.