I probably am.

[allthingsfluffy]

A person I know has told her entire family and friendship circle on facebook that her and her partner don't want any visitors whatsoever for three weeks after their baby is born. The baby is due in June.

I am all for women asserting themselves in the period following the birth, and that visitors can be overwhelming to some, but three weeks? And announcing it on FB?

This is precious and really takes the pleasure out of the whole thing for all their family and friends.

With dc1, people paraded through like Piccadilly Circus, it really affected me, I ended up crying under the bed sheet with a room full, and they did not get it....all dh's mate piled through. I propelled me into a nasty case of Pnd.

Dc2.....total ban. Only my mum, dc1' DH. People got very frigged off, especially when I extended the ban at home. Result, no Pnd.

I made no apologies.

We didn't make them exactly welcome!

DH said they could stay long enough for a cup of tea and then they had to go. I didn't even let them hold DS2, he was asleep and settled, so we left him in the carrycot!

It was 17 years ago, but it still pisses me off!

I wish I had done that.

:o @ that blog!

She seemed like an ok person until she was pregnant. Everyone knew from day one, she announced it at a family gathering which was celebrating a big milestone for another couple, and basically stole their thunder. Every conversation is pulled back round to the baby or how hard it is being pregnant.

I found being pregnant horrible. But I moaned to DH and my mum. Not the whole world, and not on facebook.

Even if she had said close family only. But a blanket ban seems harsh.

We had no visitors for the first two weeks. Lovely it was.

Each to their own. DC1 is due next month and I don't plan on allowing visitors for a couple of weeks except my parents.
I wouldn't announce it on facebook though.

Wait till she cant get out of bed because of stitches/ exhaustion etc & she will be putting up a fb request begging for someone to come & make her tea!

At that point be very busy & say that you have a free
15 min slot in 3 months time & can pencil her in then.

Precious cow.

MsAsprey I couldn't walk for stitches etc. however the first two weeks were still ace with no visitors.

Every visitor comes over and expects to be waited on. They want to hold the baby. They don't come to look after you!

This time round I am having no visitors in the hospital and no visitors at home for three weeks.

My reasons that are with ds, he was only with me for two hours before he was whisked away to scbu and we nearly lost him. In those two hours, my father and PIL were there and insisted on holding him. If he'd have died, I wouldn't have had held him properly before he did. I would never have forgiven them.

I got horrific PND and (ex)PIL insisted on coming to visit the day we c home three weeks later. I never had time or space to bond.

So this time I am protecting myself and I couldn't give a shit abou what anyone else thinks.

Some people (even family) come round to "visit" and expect the hospitality that would normally be afforded to guests. Even if the hosts have recently had a new baby.

I can well understand why, if her family is of that sort she wouldn't be arsed about having people round.

Unless I was sure I could do something productive or help in any way, I wouldn't invite myself to see the new baby until the family was ready and asked me to.

Its best to get these things clear from he start. I think, good for her.

Leave them to it. If it's her first pregnancy you might well find she changes her mind. I wanted to show off my little girl to anyone who would look If she doesn't, well it's her choice.

I don't think I would get away with that and I wouldn't like it either. In my culture, we're very family orientated and a baby is such a huge celebration of love and coming together. Heck, my mum and aunt bathed me. In my culture you don't lift a finger for 40 days. Mother and baby are left to bond but it's made sure that mother eats and sleeps well. All this is done by extended family. You don't even pay bills. They do it all.

You don't even pay bills. They do it all. oooh and what culture might this be puddings, just out of interest you see....

Hahaha. I realise it does sound twatty but it's true. The idea is that mother should have around 40 days to heal/relax/bond with baby. There will always be close relatives by who do the day to day stuff for new mother such as the cooking, cleaning, paying bills etc. After 40 days, there is a small prayer if mother wishes for it. The support is very much on-going but the first 40 days is significant in my family.

I don't see a problem?

Just because it's announced on Facebook doesn't mean it's set in stone. It also doesn't mean she won't have spoken to the people closest to her that matter most to explain that all visits must be prearranged.

I didn't have Facebook back in the day but everybody was told that when we were ready, we'd invite people round so to wait to hear from us. Didn't cause any issues.

Also had a massive sign on the door telling people (and I'll paraphrase here) to fuck right if unless they were expected visitors as there was a new baby in the house and we'd kill anyone who unexpectedly knocked on the door and woke any of us up!

How do you know LittleDoris? They might seem considerate to you but how do you really know?

We will be doing the 2 week thing. Parents and PILs welcome to pop and meet their Grandchild briefly but then we want total privacy and non interference and time to bond etc.