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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be actually crying over this.

53 replies

FortyDoorsToNowhere · 07/01/2014 20:50

My parents have decided to move, The house they live in atm is my childhood home. My parent moved in when i was 6 weeks old.

The house is far to big for them since all of their children have moved out and my rational brain know this is the best for them.

I have not stopped crying since they broke the news to us all.

The thought of another family living there is making me feel even worse.

Is this normal.

OP posts:
Orangeychoc · 07/01/2014 20:51

No

CunningAtBothEnds · 07/01/2014 20:51

ohh i think thats understandable. Its where all your memories start

JanePurdy · 07/01/2014 20:52

Seems like a strong reaction to me & a bit unusual but then I lived in 4 houses as a child, & both my grandparents & parents in law have stayed on in houses too big for them which has practical/logistical challenges as they age.

TheGreatHunt · 07/01/2014 20:53

Your memories are with your family. You still have them! If they weren't there, the house would mean nothing.

ISeeYouShiverWithAntici · 07/01/2014 20:54

I have read it often so yes, i think lots of people are like you.

But a house is just bricks. Its a shell. It is the people that matter. You could have lived anywhere. Your memories will still be the same whether your parents live in that house or not.

Take some pictures of it if you feel you need to see them to jog memories of growing up.

MoreSkyThanWeNeed · 07/01/2014 20:55

It probably doesn't help, but a new family will live there and love it as much as you clearly do.

KenDoddsDadsDog · 07/01/2014 20:55

I would feel the same if my parents moved as well ! Have never lived anywhere else.

Joysmum · 07/01/2014 20:55

Of course you're going to be upset but you need to remember that the good times you had aren't because of the house, it's because of your family. Your family just happened to live in that house.

Iworrymyselftosleep · 07/01/2014 20:57

I think it's more a reflection of how you view your past. You seem to attribute your stability to the house when it's your family that have given you that.

Fwiw my parents moved into a big Victorian house before I was born and I grew up there. It's now a wreck. Roof. Electrics. Plumbing. Structural movement. The full money pit. In all honestly we've discussed whether its enter to demolish it. I'm betting your childhood home isn't like that.

Nice house. Nice memories?

EllenJanesthickerknickers · 07/01/2014 20:58

My mum has just had to move out of the house I was born in. She's lived there for 51 years, most of them with my dad and the last 10 on her own as a widow. I feel a bit sad, but I would have been devastated 15/20 years ago. But my DC were born in my house and it's home now.

Weeantwee · 07/01/2014 20:59

Well my DH and his sister feel this way about the family home. Nobody lives in it permanently anymore but my in-laws won't sell it either. It just sits there, empty, no longer full of memories. I think it would be much better if a new family could make the most of the house and enjoy it.

scottishmummy · 07/01/2014 20:59

Completely Normal reaction,given its place of significance to you

KeemaNaanAndCurryOn · 07/01/2014 21:00

I think its easier if you've lived in a lot of different places, you tend not to get tied to one place.

You can move, but your memories will not.

Notsurehowthathappened · 07/01/2014 21:00

Yes if your childhood was happy and your family home has special memories.

However, life has a way of cushioning the blow.

When we sold my parents home after their death it was bought by my best friend from senior school.

She only remembered when looking around why it seemed so familiar and it has meant that we are now seeing each other regularly after losing touch 25 years ago !!

She has changed the house, but I have no issue with that. She loves her new home and I love that she and her family are so happy there !!

BrownPaint · 07/01/2014 21:01

We lived all over the place (forces) but I'm sure I would feel like you do if we'd always lived in the same house...

justtoomessy · 07/01/2014 21:01

Yes normal if your parents have only lived in one house I think. My mum moved into her house in 1975 when I was 3 and I would hate it if she moved.

JeanSeberg · 07/01/2014 21:02

I love your way of phrasing that 'life cushioning the blow'.

redrubyindigo · 07/01/2014 21:08

I left home very young and when I went to see my parents I would say I was 'going home'. They moved when I was in my twenties and I found it strange the first time to say I was going to 'visit' my parents.

Understand OP.

Original poster
FortyDoorsToNowhere · 07/01/2014 21:16

Thanks for the replys, I never thought the day would come.

reruby, i always say im going home to see my parents but i guess your right i will be visiting them in future.

I just hope my mum and dad will be happy in their new home.

OP posts:
kukeslala · 07/01/2014 21:19

When my Grampy would not move (despite it having a serious impact on his mental and physical health), because the house was where he lived with my Gran since he was 25ish and where they brought up their children.

A Dr asked him if he thought about things which had happened there and in his life when he was on holiday? Away from home visiting etc.
His answer was a baffled yes of course.
The Dr asked why that was.
He replied because his memories were in his head.
The Dr said, well you have just sorted out your reason for not wanting to move!
We started the process of his move that afternoon.

Be happy your parents are making the right move for them.

Original poster
FortyDoorsToNowhere · 07/01/2014 21:20

We have hundreds of photo albums full of pictures.

I think I will have to take a lot more in the next few weeks.

OP posts:
wigglesrock · 07/01/2014 21:22

If it's any comfort, my inlaws lived in the same house all their married life, it was where all their kids were brought home to, they all went to school round the corner, my mils mum lived with them when my husband was a child. They lived in the same house for 44 years.

They moved 3 years ago & haven't looked back since. The "old house" was becoming too much work for them. They love where they are now. I know my brother in law (the eldest) found it difficult when they moved, but my pils are so happy they made the move.

Cheesyslice · 07/01/2014 21:23

This happened to me recently. Had lived in a beautiful old house since I was 12. We lost my brother and my mum while we were living there. I was very, very attached to that old house. It was my comfort blanket.

Dad and stepmum sold it and moved to the sticks. I was heartbroken when they told me their plans but it's the best thing they've ever done. They are so much happier. I had a lump in my throat when I said goodbye to the old place but I got over it.

It was also very woo and I am bloody convinced that the new people who live there will be haunted. MWAHAHAHAHAHOR.

leezl · 07/01/2014 21:30

I felt exactly the same way when my grandmother's house was sold. I even considered buying it, though my DH refused quite sensibly. It took me a long time to stop feeling devastated - it was like another loss after the loss of my grandmother. I still feel sad but I realise now that it was something that needed to be done and was for the benefit of all involved.

Now my mother is preparing to sell my childhood home, and I feel a little better prepared to deal with the loss now. I am still pretty gutted because it's "my" home (even though I haven't lived there in around eight years). But rationally I have to remember that it is a house and it has served it's purpose for our family, and now it needs to serve another family who will make better use of it than we can. Can you ask your parents to involve you a little in the choosing of their new home? It might help you to feel more at 'home' when they eventually move. Best wishes to you.

WeAreSix · 07/01/2014 21:31

My parents lived in my childhood home until recently.

I felt a bit like you do, it was sad saying goodbye to the house. It was a bit strange at first visiting my parents in their home instead of our home but it's not that bad.

Hope it all goes smoothly for you too.

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