To end friendship

[MsLT]

I have a daughter who has been friends with another girl for 6 years. They are 11 years old and throughout this time I have been friends with her mother.
They have attended the same clubs over the years, always travelled together to/from and have always been paired up when they are there. They have been to each others homes many times and I have socialised with her Mum.
My daughter has started resisting seeing this girl and after some probing, she has admitted to me that she goes along with it all because she wants to keep the peace, that this girl won't let her talk to others at the clubs and if she does, she will sulk and say horrible things to my DD.
My DD is tired if being at the mercy of this girl's moods and on occasion I have seen this myself.
I have quite a superficial relationship with the mother despite time spent together.
Would I BU to distance ourselves even though I know it will end badly? Mother won't take it kindly.

We encountered something similar. My DD distanced herself. We made far fewer plans and had a "year off". They are actually now friends again after the other girl grew up a bit and realised she couldn't have my DD all to herself and had to make some other friends too.

Why not mention it to the mother? She may be aware her daughter is like this sometimes and be keen to address it. It doesn't sound like either you or dd want the friendship to continue as it is so you have little to lose.

Are they moving schools in sept? This could be the break you need. A lot of close friendships either change or fold as they move to high schools.

YANBU. Tell your dd to socialise with whomever she wants to and just ignore this girl's bad behaviour.

hamletsSister, same thing happened with my DD. Her friend didn't want to 'share' her. My DD drifted off and made new friends, and now, six years later they are back friends again but not besties (but friend has grown up a lot now and is much more laid back). OP, don't make an issue of it with the parent, just loosen ties and let your DD work things out herself.

I sympathize M as I had an almost identical issue with dd.
luckily the other girls mum was as happy as me to just let the girls get on with the friendship (or not). Our friendship is a seperate issue. I felt I had known her and the whole family actually, (not closely) but well enough to say, I'm worried about the girls because.....
I dont know if this will help, but it worked out on for me even though our dd don't really speak anymore. They are both 14 and met aged 3. I do to go out of my way to see the other mum but I'm always pleasant when our paths cross as I'm always mindful that the girls could rekindle their friendship in the future. Children can be very fickle creatures IMO.
Good luck

• I mean I DONT go out of my way Not I do.

Similar situation here. DS tends to drift away from his best mate quite regularly because of possessiveness/moody issues. I don't know how it'll pan out eventually, particularly because I don't know if they're going to end up at the same senior school in September. But I would endorse those who've said to let your DD sort it out, but support her in drifting away, as it were.

Yes my dd has also had this experience and is the same age.
We have been particularly good to this child. Her mum is often a little "uncaring" such as sending her to me for a lift to a party with no card or present (I gave her one to take) I have her to stay often despite he never even having my dd to her house.

I dress her up at Halloween when she is sent with no costume.

One day when her mum forgot to collect her I took her in and gave her fresh clothes a hot chocolate and a cuddle.

So last weekend this girl got nasty on the internet as she was with another friend (always the case) but this time she was nasty about me even though dd was upset as I was in hospital.

It's been the final straw for dd. she has told this girl that she will never be friends with her again.

Everyone has their limits. Your dd may do the same eventually.

Thanks so much for the replies.
I think DD's patience has been tested and she has had enough.
This girl's mother is very protective of her DD and the child is a little princess at home. She has had many friendship 'issues' at school ( DD goes to a different school) and according to her Mum, she is always the victim.
I know that she is not as innocent as her mother seems to think and I have been made aware that she has been unpleasant and posessive to others.
She has been spiteful and nasty on many occasions. DD has let it go but has now had enough.
I feel that if we cut ties, we will be accused of being unpleasant ourselves and they will play the victim.
The truth is I think the friendship between all of us has run it's course but I think it will go badly.

I am kinda on the other side.

My dd can get quite clingy. She makes a friend and then clings to them. I have tried changing this by explaining to my dd that it is good to have a wide group of people to play with, what if the friend is off sick etc.

She is slowly getting better but it is a struggle.

nickname Does your DD try to control who they talk to by sulking? I understand why it's done and I think it comes from lack of confidence but the result is, others feel controlled and put down. You seem to recognise that there is a problem which is really good. I don't think DD's friend's Mum will be the same. She will play the victim :(

From what i have seen no my dd doesnt control who her friend speaks to. I would be mortified if she was.

I think lack of confidence could be an issue with my dd.