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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to decline their offer to stay?

52 replies

VelvetSpoon · 07/01/2014 18:41

Have been invited to a gig in a few weeks. Not an area that's local enough to me to cab it back from, and public transport finishes long beforehand.

2 friends, A and B have each invited me to stay. Very kind of them. However

Friend A's boiler broke a couple of months ago. They have no heating or hot water (none, no immersion or anything). A goes to the gym every day and showers there, and isn't home much so claims not to notice the cold. It is however freezing, and the water in the taps is icy.

Friend B is a chronic hoarder. I could stay there (where there is hot water and some heating) but I'd be sleeping on a tiny sofa as the spare room (and pretty much every available surface including the floor) is covered in 'stuff'.

Much as I'd like to go to the gig, I really can't face a night at either house, lovely though A and B are!

WIBU to say no?

OP posts:
pandarific · 07/01/2014 21:17

YANBU - check for a cheap room on airbnb.com, it's great!

deste · 07/01/2014 22:14

I don't like the cold but being a professional de-clutterer and organiser I would stay at A's because I would worry about things like carpet beetles which are quite common in a hoarders house. It would be easy to transport them to your home in your bag or clothes.

CooEeeEldridge · 07/01/2014 22:19

Go to a's and take a hot water bottle and warm pjs, you'll be fine! Also just ask about the boiler but in a genuine way 'as you need to know what bed stuff to bring'. Enjoy the gig!

Dinnaeknowshitfromclay · 07/01/2014 22:23

Beetles and bugs at Bs. I hadn't thought of beetles and bugs! Eeek you are right, thermals, double sleeping bad, HWB at A's no question.

whois · 07/01/2014 22:24

If you want to go to the gig then stay at A's and take thermals and a decent sleeping bag and you'll be fine. No need to have a shower or wash for only one night - or take wet wipes for a wipe-wash rather than use the freezing water.

FourArms · 07/01/2014 22:34

I camped Easter before last in snow!

Elec blanket, thermals, hat and sleeping bag. Don't remove thermals - on in loo after gig, off when home the next way.

You'll be fine!

FourArms · 07/01/2014 22:35

*day not way

flipchart · 07/01/2014 22:58

What gig is it?

RosebudTheCat · 07/01/2014 23:25

Go to A's. Shower late afternoon before the gig. Wear thermals. Just change your knickers/socks in the morning and brush your teeth and wash your face. Yes I have been to Glastonbury and other festivals many times and I am still alive...

Original poster
VelvetSpoon · 07/01/2014 23:55

Bloody hell I had no idea about the beetles! May have to tell B and see if it scares her into having a clear out (suspect it will fall on deaf ears, but anyway...!)

Breakfast is a bit hit and miss at both, tbh. And no hot water bottle, A doesn't have a kettle. Unless I heat a pan on the cooker!

I'm sure to people who camp this is all fine, I'm just no good at roughing it, I like my comforts too much Grin

OP posts:
ThereIsNoEleventeen · 08/01/2014 07:56

No kettle?! I expect even FourArms had a kettle camping in the snow at Easter.

maddy68 · 08/01/2014 08:35

You actually don't sound like much of a friend. Just take a bloody onsie You won't be there much. You'll be in bed! Take a hot water bottle

maddy68 · 08/01/2014 08:36

No kettle, just heat a pan? I would be too pissed after a gig to notice heat

BlueStonesBells · 08/01/2014 08:42

I'd much prefer to stay in a hotel; neither of those options sounds very comfortable. You are not obligated to stay with friends; I'd get an IBIS (often do anyway as it avoids the awkwardness of who-will-you-stay-with).

CooEeeEldridge · 08/01/2014 10:35

Microwave hot water bottle thing?

horsetowater · 08/01/2014 10:41

Am I the only person hoping that friend A and friend B both read this thread? Sorry OP but if you're really their friend you would tell them why you don't want to stay with them.

BlueStonesBells · 08/01/2014 10:55

Meh, my friend always prefers to stay in a hotel than my cramped flat. Doesn't bother me.

DIYapprentice · 08/01/2014 11:02

YANBU, I wouldn't stay! I like being warm far too much. The idea of going back to a freezing cold house would suck the enjoyment of the concert right out for me I'm afraid. It takes me ages to warm up once I've gotten really cold. And no kettle? Pfft to that.

But I do think you need to tell them why you won't stay with them, as nicely as possible.

Iwillneverusethisnameforpostin · 08/01/2014 11:15

But I do think you need to tell them why you won't stay with them, as nicely as possible.

Why??????

Iwillneverusethisnameforpostin · 08/01/2014 11:16

When I say why, I don't mean why as nicely as possible, just why does she need to tell them at all?

It's not the OP's place to tell them how to organise their lives...all she needs to do is react accordingly!

scarletandblack · 08/01/2014 11:28

The whole thing is fraught with difficulty, OP.

Tbh What would be worrying me even more than trying to reconcile myself to a night of discomfort with one of them, is what I would say to the other one, to explain not choosing them!

It's the kind of dilemma that would have me staying at home in front of the telly, I think!

Iwillneverusethisnameforpostin · 08/01/2014 11:35

Tbh What would be worrying me even more than trying to reconcile myself to a night of discomfort with one of them, is what I would say to the other one, to explain not choosing them!

Well that's easy enough...she can just say A/B offered first

It's the kind of dilemma that would have me staying at home in front of the telly, I think!

Always my preferred option anyway!

clarinetV2 · 08/01/2014 11:39

If it were me I wouldn't go. I value my sleep too much. It doesn't sound as if you'd get much sleep in either place, and that would make me really grumpy. If you can survive without a night's sleep then it wouldn't matter as much. Only you will know that. Also, if it were me, I wouldn't enjoy the gig because I'd be fretting about the uncomfortable night ahead. Again, that's a personal thing, and may not affect you in the same way. So I definitely wouldn't go, and I'd thank both friends very much for their offers, but I'd decided not to go to the gig as I'm feeling rather tired what with a hectic (and expensive) Christmas and New Year. Or something like that.

Crowler · 08/01/2014 11:42

I would not go, and there are a universe of excuses available to you other than the fact that you can't face a night at their flat.

Crowler · 08/01/2014 11:42

And, you're not being precious.