birthday party

[kalms1971]

My friend has handed out invitations in the school yard for her son's birthday party in front of me. Not invited my son. We had arranged to go for a coffee and then had to hear all about the party plans whilst sat together. AIBU to be disappointed?

This is very very weird. Are they the same age, in same class?

Children same age/class?

Well, it depends on whether your son is friends with her son. Just because she is your friend does not mean her kid has to invite yours to his party. How good a friends are they? If they are best buds then yes of course you are hurt, if they are just casual friends then you have to man up and get over it - maybe spaces were limited and he had to choose .

perhaps her DS chose who to invite, and didnt chose your DS. quite simple really.

YANBU to feel a bit disappointed.
However, are they in the same class at school? Do they play together out of school? If not, then often people just invite classmates/same age children and even though you are disappointed there may be no malice involved in no invitation. May be worth mentioning to her but you will need to get past it to remain friends and YWBU to bear a grudge if she has a valid reason (normally numbers).
I've seen this cause massive offence between a set of neighbours (who still don't speak) as one neighbour invited 10 classmates to a home party and not the other neighbour's child who was older and not in the same school (and several other neighbours' children didn't go). The reason was purely numbers based but this one mum has never forgiven her. It is ridiculous.

Is your son friends with her child?

It is a bit weird. Is your DS in his friendship group though? I have a friend who's son is in the same class (reception) as DS who is not someone who DS plays with at all (although I did invite her DS to DS's party nevertheless, but they didn't play together at all).

Same age, same class (Y3)Invited him in Year 1 but since Year 2, just his 10 close friends invited. As a good friend I am puzzled

I can understand your hurt, but like others have said, just because you are friends does not mean your sons are!

Really odd maybe she's assuming that you would know that you're a given and already invited. I would say something like 'what time does shall we get there for' and see how she reacts

Does seem a bit off if they are in the same class and you are good friends. Perhaps the child picked the invite list though and didn't pick your son if they don't really play together at school? Otherwise, I am out of ideas
I can see why you feel disappointed though. Are you happy enough to ask her about it?

It's a minefield. I was surprised when I found out my DS wasn't invited to a party as I am friendly with the mum but I assume that her DD selected the guests.

I do think in this instance the other mum was a bit insensitive to discuss it with you. Are you going to take the moral low ground now and not invite her DS to your party like I am really tempted to do.

I think it's fine from her point of view. Her DS hasn't excluded your DS as such, just invited his closest 10 friends. There must be quite a few boys in his class that aren't invited?

Once a child gets beyond about 5ish, I think it's important they invite their own friends rather than the children of their parents friends.

And I think the fact that she's discussing it with you so openly clearly means she thinks it is absolutely not an issue. No embarrassment in the slightest.

Maybe she would find it odd that you are offended by it, if she knows your DSes aren't particular friends.

Like Bowlersarm said she may not even register that you would be offended. That is what happened with my neighbours as I mention above, the one who had the party didn't give it a second thought as her child had picked classmates not neighbours, and the mum whose child didn't get invited basically took the stand that she'd scarred her child for life. Just a slight massive overreaction there I feel.
Mention it to her, but brush it off as not mattering if she says it was closest 10 friends. MN can listen to you vent should you need to afterwards

I'd be annoyed I think, how many boys are in the class? I understand you can invite everyone but Inviting say 10 out of 14/15 boys is bad I think. Invite half or less is the rule in our area.

The issue I would have us her discussing discussing it totally disregarding you and your feelings. Not sensitive at all!

It's a tricky one. Once my DS got to about 8 we scaled parties right down, and DS chose to take 5 good friends on a Go Ape type of thing.

A good friend got the hump with me because her DS wasn't included in the 5 and that a lot of other good friends' sons were. I hadn't really thought about it as our DS's rarely played together and he is a very timid non-sporty type who would have hated it.

Anyway said friend voiced her opinion to a mutual friend who assured her no malice, and we talked it through and all was fine and still is!

If she wasn't going to invite your child then a more discrete method such as invites in school bag by teacher would have been more appropriate. Very insensitive of her to have discussed the plans with you as well.

If the children dont play together why would your child be invited?

It is the childs party not your friends. The child should get to pick who goes.

My school aged DS's are 7 and 5 and our friends don't match up. I'm good friends with a mum at school but her DD and my DS1 aren't good friends although they do get on. They have never been to each others parties and it's fine. Another good friend has school age and younger DC like me. The older ones don't really socialise together as they are old enough to chose their own friends. But my younger DC and hers go to toddler groups together and to play at each others houses because at their ages their "friends" are the DC of their mums friends.

Kalms
So your son did not invite him to his birthday last year or year before?

Oh I see, the friend just invited his 10 closest friends.

Are you helping at the party OP?

I think this is a case of her son having to choose just 10 and your son isn't of his main friends at the mo. Children are so fickle about their friendships. In 3 months time it would be a different 10 probably.

My best mate's youngest and my youngest DDs never really hit it off. Only 6 months apart in age, but very different cricle of friends at school. Sometimes i think it was a blessing, actually, as my friend's DD was sooo quick to run to her mum about friendship stuff and my friend was soooo fierce and protective about her DD always being right - we'd have probably fallen out if our DDs had been school mates