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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not want anything to do with my parents anymore?

24 replies

BlueEyes48 · 07/01/2014 10:38

Since I was little I have always had a horrendous relationship with my parents, they have always favoured my brother and made that well known quite early on. I'll try and keep it as simple as I can but these are only snippits of things that they have put me through.

I have had a countless amount of silent treatments with my family, I have never had a good relationship with my dad and if we had an argument (over something so silly) no one in the family would talk to me.

I was raped at 16 years old, I told my mum and dad and they didn't believe me, told me that I was looking for some attention. They told the whole family that I was lying and now they all believe that I made it up. I have gone through counselling and CBT to help me live with this.

I was then raped again at 18, I was told that it was my fault as I had drunk too much and so I basically "gave myself away", cue another round of CBT which did help but I'm struggling this time so I have had longer treatments.
My family wouldn't speak to me for a while after that and they refused to believe that I was telling the truth.

From that point on things got worse with myself and my family, I met someone whom I had DS1 with, we moved in together and things finally looked like they were getting better.

I developed PND after a few months with DS1 and my partner found it hard to cope with me and after telling my family about it they told me that "depression is made up by people who seek more attention" they felt sorry for my partner having to live with me, no one helped me during this time, I went myself to the GP who were the only people who cared enough to give me the relevant treatment.

After planning our second child (DS2) and being 5 weeks pregnant my partner left me out of the blue and I had no choice but to move in with my parents.

A year later my dad gets drunk 5/7 nights a week and things came to blows just before Christmas when I asked him not to touch the oven as I was cooking in it, both of them started screaming in my face, my mum hit me and my dad was smashing things in a temper. Screaming that I "fuck up every relationship I have".

I rang social services who are helping me leave with my two children, I spent Christmas eve, day and new years day in my room with my two children and no one has spoken a word to me since.

This is the shortened version as much as I could but I have come to the point in my life where I have had enough and I honestly don't want anything to do with them.
Do you agree?

OP posts:
skydivermcfly · 07/01/2014 10:41

OP I'm sorry you have been through such tough times. I hope you get out of there soon and have nothing more to do with these horrible toxic people.

BlueEyes48 · 07/01/2014 10:48

I should have added that a member of my family came into my room to tell me that I was wrong for keeping my children away from them and this is what made me question myself, I just thought that my children are better off without them in there life and I wanted the opinions of others on this matter.

OP posts:
TeenyW123 · 07/01/2014 10:55

Looks like you need to get on to Relationships and join the thread "But we took you to stately homes". Unfortunately, you'll fit right in with the Golden Child/scapegoat scenario.

Sounds like you should get in touch with Women's Aid too, as your situation sounds abusive. You need to get the kids out of the way of such toxic influences. Hopefully SS will sort you out ASAP, but some support from WA wouldn't go amiss either.

MrsMoon76 · 07/01/2014 10:55

What an awful situation. Your family have been of no help or use to you and have been incapable of showing any kindness, pity or love. The sooner you are away and have no contact the better for you and your children.

Andanotherthing123 · 07/01/2014 10:56

I'm so sorry you've been dealt such a rough hand - hopefully this will be a better year for you and your DC and you will be offered your own place where you can create the happy home you all deserve.

Don't be in in contact with your parents unless they can offer up some better behaviour. They sound like manipulative bullies and you're better off without them.

I really hope 2014 sees you getting the happy, settled life you so deserve.

AnyFucker · 07/01/2014 10:57

Yes, I agree

SquinkiesRule · 07/01/2014 10:59

Your Children are better off with a happy healthy you. Get away from these people and look after yourself and your children.
Can you call Womens Aid and get out sooner. It's an abusive situation even if it isn't a Dh who's doing the abusing.

trashcanjunkie · 07/01/2014 10:59

stay strong, you have made an excellent decision. Sadly nothing you ever do will be right for these people. The best thing you can do right now is get away from them and keep them from your children. Thanks

trashcanjunkie · 07/01/2014 11:00

anyfucker is that really you?

AnyFucker · 07/01/2014 11:05

Yes, hello, TCJ Smile

trashcanjunkie · 07/01/2014 11:10

Grin Grin Grin

redexpat · 07/01/2014 11:11

Frankly I am amazed that you have waited until now. Yes get out. Don't go back. Ever.

TalkativeJim · 07/01/2014 11:15

Get out!

Yes, it is them not you.

Cut contact completely - I wager you will start to heal at last.

And no, it is NOT in your children's interests to have your parents' poison dripped into their ears too. Keep them away from them.

delurking85 · 07/01/2014 11:20

Jesus get away from these people. Whatever biological relationship they may have to you they are in no way 'parents' to you, you owe them nothing. Get out and go no contact with them, they are capable of giving you nothing but pain. Surround yourself and your kids a new family of loving people who truly care for your wellbeing. There is a whole world of us out here!
I'm so sorry you have had to be subjected once again to their hatred at such a vulnerable time in your life. Thanks

Pigsmummy · 07/01/2014 11:25

You need to get away and get some friends. Get more CBT. Good luck. Don't look back, look forwards

weirdthing · 07/01/2014 11:28

My parents are similar. I no longer have anything to do with them and it was the BEST decision ever. Mine favour my brother and the youngest sister. They are appalling people - they sound very like yours. Get away from your parents and stay away and for God's sake keep your kids away from them too.

BlueEyes48 · 07/01/2014 12:22

Thank you for your kind replies.

weirdthing that fills me with confidence to know that you were happy with your decision.

I just think that I am too forgiving, my dad will sometimes come up to me and start calling me "sweetheart" and saying that it shouldn't be like this, I forgive him every time but then I spend the rest of my days extremely nervous waiting for the next silent treatment or for them to scream at me again.

I feel like I've had enough of feeling excluded from my family, nervous and spending my life walking on eggshells now and my children deserve better than them having made me feel this way my whole life.

OP posts:
Gruntfuttock · 07/01/2014 12:29

Go 'no contact' and keep it that way. You need these toxic people completely and permanently out of your life for your own wellbeing and that of your children too.

Topaz25 · 07/01/2014 12:30

This is abuse and you and your children deserve better. Your children are your family now. Leave your parents and never look back. You are doing the right thing, stay strong. Thinking of you x

I agree with the suggestions to contact Women's Aid, here are their details:
PHONE: 0808 2000 247
Email: [email protected]
www.womensaid.org.uk/landing_page.asp?section=000100010018&sectionTitle=Contact+Us

Madamecastafiore · 07/01/2014 12:31

I have no contact with my father and step monster die to issues pretty much like yours and it is liberating to say the least.

I feel free of their fucked up judgement and took the decision that my children are far too precious to have to put up with any of the shit from them I did so they do not see them.

If your parents wanted contact with your kids they should modify their gracious towards you and show you they can be trusted.

Sounds shit though. I hope you realise that their judgement of you is fucked and you are a normal nice person. I spent years trying to change, wondering what was do awful about me until I saw a psychotherapist who made me realise I am a nice person and they are fucked up and abnormal.

Good luck. MCx

kinkyfuckery · 07/01/2014 12:32

YANBU to want nothing to do with them.

I hope you manage to escape soon x

guinnessgirl · 07/01/2014 12:48

OP, YADNBU. You deserve far better than this. I have a friend who has cut contact with his parents due to very real and serious issues, and even though it's hard, he knows he made the right decision, not just for his sake but for his daughter's. Frankly, your situation sounds even worse than his, so I have no doubt that you need to get them out of your life. Good luck Thanks

delurking85 · 07/01/2014 13:31

BlueEyes - funny how your dad is nice to you just often enough to get you to stick around isn't it? Sounds like an effective strategy on his behalf to carry on doing what he really likes best - being abusive. Don't read it as normal, caring behaviour.

Runningtrainers · 11/01/2014 21:17

Oh gosh get out and cut all contact! Horrid parents.

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