to be angry about this.

[highho1]

So I have been away for te weekend on a work conference. I work very part time.
I thought it would be an ideal opportunity for dh to bond with our 3 dc 10 8 and 16 months.
Also for him to see all the hidden work I do. He thinks I sit on my arse all day doing nothing or going out spending his moneyy. (That could be another thread on its own)
Anyway when I came home only very basic upkeep had been done. Ie dishwasher loaded but not unloaded and none of previous load put awzy. Bin overflowing and not emptied etc etc.
I than discovered by chance that dh left children downstairs whilst he played on computer games for 2 hours. 2 hours may not be accurate but you get the idea. Now when I am home I do not hide away from dc. The older 2 are not used as babysitters for the toddler.
Aibu to have lost it with dh over this.
Only found out because he complained that he missed a call from his mum whilst he was upstairs. Also missed a call from me too. Blamed ds who is 10 for not telling him. Wtf?

YANBU.

YANBU. One could perhaps excuse him for not doing EVERYTHING you would have done, if he didn't know you would have done it, sort of thing - but nobody should need to be told to empty the bin and put the clean things away out of the dishwasher.

And yes, going and playing computer games away from the kids seems neglectful. Overall he sounds as if he was being an arse.

YANBU although his hiding away perhaps shows how overwhelming he found it.

Nope YANBU lazy arse man. You need to get away for longer although I appreciate that I would be worried about the children leaving them with him not watching them properly

Has it helped him see it isn't a doddle or does he assume you hide away upstairs missing the kids / important calls too?!

YANBU. When you're both calm sit down together and discuss all the work that goes into running a household so he can understand your contribution and know what he needs to do next time. Also express that you thought this would be a good opportunity for him to bond with the children and suggest activities they could do together next time. Maybe he felt overwhelmed and hopefully this will be a wake up call for him to realise that you do work hard.

Do your children have chores? 10 and 8 is old enough to empty the bin and the dishwasher. Obviously they shouldn't be expected to do more than their dad but if they help out with some of the chores maybe both of you will feel less overwhelmed.

YANBU. When you're both calm sit down together and discuss all the work that goes into running a household so he can understand your contribution and know what he needs to do next time. Also express that you thought this would be a good opportunity for him to bond with the children and suggest activities they could do together next time. Maybe he felt overwhelmed and hopefully this will be a wake up call for him to realise that you do work hard .

Do your children have chores? 10 and 8 is old enough to empty the bin and the dishwasher. Obviously they shouldn't be expected to do more than their dad but if they help out with some of the chores maybe both of you will feel less overwhelmed.

'his money'! Sounds a charmer. Presumably you knew what he was like when you decided to have children with him. I'm not surprised someone who prioritises playing computer games over being with his children hasn't bonded with them in 10 years, so it's hardly likely to happen over a weekend.

I get this,

My DH is a self confessed 'clean freak' yet bins would walk out on their own if i did not nag him, clothes are thrown next to the beg or left wet on the bathroom floor.
Hoe does hovering cleaning on weekends , but i do everything else.
On the rare occasions i do go out, all the pots are left for me to do

YANBU, lazy bugger. You can't just hide away from being a parent

YANBU. WTF indeed.

How long were you away for?

2 hours to himself out of a whole weekend is not a lot of downtime.

Messy house, yes, very annoying.

There should be nothing 'hidden' about your work, unless you're married to a 1950s knuckledragging throwback.

I am the mother of a toddler, also a writer who works from home, and married to someone who currently works long hours six days a week out of the home. He does his fair share of cooking and cleaning and other household chores, does bath and bedtime every night, and we try to arrange Sundays so we both have a break.

What is in it for you in this unequal and fractious-sounding relationship with a lazy, grudging sexist?

My DH has only very recently stepped up to the plate, for more than the "fun" bits of parenting.

He said he'd suddenly realised that you aren't off duty just because you have got home from work. Things like loading the dishwasher or putting clean socks away is part of being a grown-up, he says.

Well quite.

He left a 16 month old to occupy his/herself for two hours?! However responsible siblings are, they are still only 10 and 8 themselves. YANBU and I would be mightily pissed off.

I suspect 2 hours was an exaggeration but even a small amount of time is just not on.

It was 2 days.