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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

i am worried thanks to a woman in a shop

53 replies

technicallychallenged · 06/01/2014 21:37

Background: I was putting the Xmas decorations away in the attic the other day. Usually DH does it because he is taller and he can see were to put things. But he was complaining so he held the ladder and I did it. But as I pushed the tree up the box slid down and DH panicked and dropped the ladder. The ladder fell sideways and I went with it. I hit the side of the wooden cupboard with my head and I now have a bruise and a black eye.

So today I was out shopping with the DCs and DH and a woman who lives a few doors away from me and I sort of know to wave at, walked up to me and asked what happened I explained and she said said that my DH must have done it. DH was around the corner with the DCs. He heard me talking so came to see who it was. She saw he and started say here he is the wife beater. I told her she was wrong and to mind her own business and walked out the shop.

But now I am worried that everyone is going to think that. I have to do the school run etc tomorrow and it hadn't occurred to me that someone would think that DH has hit me even after I explained to them. The woman has a DC at the school and I am worried she is going to tell everyone he has been hitting me, or she may tell the school and try and get SS involved.

So WWYD do I tell the school in advance in case she does go to them. We had a pretty shit 2013 and I was really hoping to make this year a happier one.

OP posts:

MmeLindor · 06/01/2014 22:37

While it is distressing for both you and your DH, don't worry about it.

If she approaches you again and says anything, say loudly 'I don't know where you get this ridiculous idea from, but it is absolutely not true', then walk away.

Don't engage, and don't try to talk to her.

Nerfmother · 06/01/2014 22:37

Okay, just feel like the door should always be opened iyswim? Horrible woman in any case. Either silly cow making jokes or completely inappropriate way of asking - how would it help to ask on front of your dh anyway?
As for school, no don't go and explain, that will look a bit weird.

BalloonSlayer · 06/01/2014 22:47

In an attempt to redress the male/female imbalance: About 20 years ago my stepfather had chest pains and called the Doctor out. The Dr found a bruise on his chest which was causing the pain.

The Doctor asked whether my Mum had done it! She was outraged. I think it turned out stepdad had fallen on the stairs and forgotten about it [pissed].

edamsavestheday · 06/01/2014 22:56

Don't let the idiot worry you.

I had a beautiful black eye after having a fit and hitting the floor. Not sure exactly what happened but my glasses were pushed into my face on one side (probably saved my eyesight). Made sure I told everyone on the school run the next day 'ooh, how daft am I, falling over like that' just in case anyone started to worry!

WellThatsLife · 06/01/2014 23:31

Gave myself a shiner while opening the car once, somehow managed to get my head in the way, still not sure how I managed it.

Another time ran into a chain across a path in the dark, fell backwards and ended up with a wonderful selection of bruises including ones on both lower arms that looked like somebody had grabbed me, I wore long sleeves til they faded

sashh · 07/01/2014 08:52

My carer is male and people often think we are a couple.

A few years ago I was getting in to the car, there was a rogue gust of wind and the corner of the car door hit me on my cheek bone.

I had a black eye the following day and my carer got all sorts of filthy looks.

There seems to be a perception that women can only get black eyes by a man hitting them.

Nancy66 · 07/01/2014 09:27

yep, sadly that's the conclusion people jump to.

I sustained some terrible facial injuries after tripping over a branch while out running and ended up just staying in until they healed as I couldn't stand the interrogation

EirikurNoromaour · 07/01/2014 09:32

In times past people looked away from obvious signs of DV. Now they ask questions. Why is that 'sad' or the behaviour of a 'dick'?

skinoncustard · 07/01/2014 09:43

My DH broke some bones in his hand bowling, it was a Saturday night , everyone in A@E assumed he had been in a fight. Tell unbelievers to mind their own business!! Some people are only interested in 'juicy' gossip not the truth.

struggling100 · 07/01/2014 09:43

A male friend of mine once had this happen - his partner fell and got a black eye, and he got suspicious stares until it healed! He said it was awful, but he just had to ignore it and get on with life.

On the other hand, in 2012 1.2 million women suffered domestic abuse, over 400,000 women were sexually assaulted, 70,000 women were raped and thousands more were stalked.

So in a way, I'd rather live in a world where women did take the time to check that others were OK than in a world where no-one cared about domestic violence. I completely understand that it's horrible for men to be personally accused, but on the other hand, it's easily refuted and a lot less bad than actually being a victim. Perhaps they could take it in the spirit of awareness-raising about the prevalence of these crimes against women, and the need to get involved in the campaigns to end it.

Topaz25 · 07/01/2014 12:48

If the woman in the shop really cared about the OP or had any intention other than causing drama, surely she wouldn't have started pointing and shouting at the OP's DH, which would only exacerbate a DV situation. Having a discreet word with OP to check everything is OK is one thing, starting a witch hunt is another.

SPsFifthConyoIsTheBestConyo · 07/01/2014 12:56

I punched my self in the face once. I was pulling at bed covers and hand slipped punched myself

I went round with a bruise on my cheek. A few strangers did actually ask if my partner did it. One woman was lovely and said she would help me if I needed it. I explained I single and what I did. She laughed.

My mum had the same response when my brother head gutted her (he's 2). Her work colleagues thought it was step dad that had done it

Topaz25 · 07/01/2014 13:02

I've hit myself in the face more than once when I was pulling up a bra strap and my hand slipped, luckily not hard enough to leave a bruise! I remember when I was a teenager I got a mark on my forehead the first time I dyed my hair black and tried to scrub it off, which just made it look worse! My tutor asked me if everything was OK at home!

Littlegreyauditor · 07/01/2014 13:12

I managed to give myself the most ridiculous and unlikely sounding facial injury a while back. I was leading a young horse and she stomped on my boot catching the toe. I fell and landed on my side, she reared up and came down on my cheekbone with her front hoof (thankfully no shoes on). Cue black eye and scratched, puffy mess and not one person believed my "story". I have also slammed myself in a car door when I was in a temper, my clumsiness knows no bounds.

In fairness though I am grateful that people are concerned enough to ask now, rather than sweeping stuff under the carpet.

IneedAsockamnesty · 07/01/2014 13:14

I was in quite a nasty car accident once and my face smashed against the car door leaving it black and blue, I looked like I had don't 10 rounds with Tyson.

Nobody but nobody believed me.

Even when asked I was adding on that yes my car was so badly smashed up it had been written off and the other car involved was as well.

It's just one of those things that higher awareness of an issue combined with acceptance that its wrong leads to. Not a bad thing on the great scale of life

IneedAsockamnesty · 07/01/2014 13:16

littlegrey

A horse jumped on your face? Bloody hell I knew there was a good reason for me to be frightened of them

KirstyJC · 07/01/2014 13:22

Friend at work fell off her bike and hit her nose, not broken thankfully. The next day she turned up for work with 2 magnificent black eyes! She had to work with them for a whole week until they went, but loads of people (inc me) asked her what happened and how she got them. We did believe her though! It is good that people ask, not just ignore them.

I would just tell the truth to anyone who asks. It sounds exactly like the sort of daft accident that would cause a black eye. Poor you! Hope you've got DH to make it up to you!

DuchessFanny · 07/01/2014 13:44

I once fainted going up the stairs (!!) and ended up battering my chin, forehead and getting a black eye. Felt fine the next day and went into work - nobody said a thing !
At the end of the day the girl sat next to me finally asked what had happened, when I told her she laughed and said 'oh ! We all though DP had hit you ' i soon cleared that one up.
DM is epileptic and often bruises like a peach when she's had a fall, she immediately tells everyone she comes across 'it wasn't DP !!!' Makes it look more suspicious I think.

TheWitTank · 07/01/2014 14:16

Don't worry about it, she sounds a bit potty.
I've always covered in bruises and bumps and have had black eyes a number of times. Nothing to do with OH, all to do with sports, horse riding/horses and being bloody clumsy! Nobody I know (or whose opinion I gave a shit about!) even considered it to be OH. Everyone else who saw and thought otherwise, so what? I don't care about random people's speculations/gossip. People will believe what they want, if you tell the truth and they choose to make up their own version of events then so be it. Nothing will come of it.

mrspremise · 07/01/2014 19:13

My DH gave me a black eye once when we were shagging. I did get quite a few on the school run, but if anyone asked, I told them and they were then and simultaneously. Just be honest with them; your DH is a muppet, it was an accident and he feels bad about it. Go ang have a or even better a and try not to worry

voiceofnoreason · 07/01/2014 19:55

It could be worse. DH's ex wife once told all of her colleagues that he had thumped her and given her a black eye when in fact it was down to falling off her horse tipsy!!! He was mortified and outraged - especially as it took another one of her colleagues who was with her at the time to correct her!!

ImperialBlether · 07/01/2014 20:08

OP, do you and your husband normally get on well? I just wondered whether this woman knew you weren't getting along (ie had heard you and he shouting or saw you 'not speaking' to each other before.

litdog · 07/01/2014 20:52

Mrs Premise I am trying to work out how you get a black eye from shagging!

Either we are boring in bed or you are athletic - pls can you enlighten me!

KarinMurphy · 07/01/2014 21:09

I was Mumsnetting in bed and managed to drop the iPad on my face. It cut my cheekbone and eyebrow and gave me a spectacular black eye. I told everyone and they all laughed but I did notice a couple of people giving DH a speculative look.

LuciusMalfoyisSmokingHot · 07/01/2014 21:55

It amazing how people just dont have stupid accidents anymore, everything bad that happens is the fault of malicious person.

But seriously, ignore the nosy cow, how dare she say that to your DH even after you explained.

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