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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to wait until my toddler is old enough to reason with about her own bed?

70 replies

jinglemel · 05/01/2014 14:51

My dd is 19 months old. She bfs and co-sleeps at night, as did my now 6 year old who stopped feeding of her own accord at 2.5 and moved to her own bed a few months later without any fuss. I'm getting to the stage where I'd like my bed back and dd is beginning to understand laying down, being quiet etc when asked so I don't think she's too far off being able to reason with about sleeping in her own bed. Dp, however, wants her to move out now. Her being there doesn't affect him at all (she doesn't kick etc) and he isn't volunteering to try anything to get her in her own bed. Aibu to wait a few months and do it at dds pace?

OP posts:

ilovesmurfs · 05/01/2014 21:22

We have co-slept won't all five of ours, youngest is just three and still in our bed. We have a toddler bed in our room for her to go into but she isn't interested in it yet.

Our elder ones all co-slept then moved into their own beds and own rooms age 2-3ish no problems.

Am sure dd will as well but we have no reason to make her, we have a big bed, dp and I are both happy to have her in our bed, they are only little for such a short time.

Of your dh was prepared to actually get up in the night and deal with her then I would say try it, but as he is leaving it all up to you then do what is easiest for you.

Ime they grow out of needing to cosleep and yes as her understandign grows it will be easier to talk to her about it.

ManualSpaniel · 05/01/2014 21:33

OP do whatever gets you the most sleep.

Your DP has a say in the matter, but when there's a difference of opinion in this regard I think your view holds most weight. You're the one getting up, resettling, etc.

If he wants to do the night settling and try it - then hand the reins over. You can get some peaceful nights sleep

If it was me and my DP was being affected by cosleeping, I'd suggest he slept elsewhere for a short time. The time they are in bed with you is short in comparison to the length of a relationship.

We've compromised here. DD goes down for the first half of the night in her own room and on first proper waking (usually about 2am) she gets in with us.

harriet247 · 05/01/2014 21:35

How do you have sex with a toddler in your bed?seriously?

ilovesmurfs · 05/01/2014 21:38

Dont know about the op but toddler sleep and you can have sex in places other than a bed...

Annunziata · 05/01/2014 21:39

Can your DH sleep somewhere else? Spare room?

I know you are saying she doesn't kick, but she is still an extra person in bed, there is extra heat, and he might just feel uncomfortable with her being there.

Either you sort out a new place for him to sleep, or your DD goes into her own bed. I also think you are mad to try and 'reason' with a toddler.

Ham69 · 05/01/2014 21:40

Haven't read other replies but I say go with your gut instinct OP. My DD co slept with me until about 2 as far as I can remember and weaned herself off bf. She now sleeps all the way through every night in her own bed and is very secure and confident. I think what you're doing is great and believe you're setting her up to be a well balanced and confident individual.

harriet247 · 05/01/2014 21:40

I feel a but sorry for the dp

Annunziata · 05/01/2014 21:41

So do I harriet.

ilovesmurfs · 05/01/2014 21:44

Oh yes the poor dp who gets sex every night despite them havign2 a toddler and doesnt deal with any of thr nigth wakings, thst must be really hard...

oadcb · 05/01/2014 21:46

Cosleeping is normal! Except in western society it would seem.

OP you are doing a great job! Get a single bed for her room. Sounds like you'll get more space in bed.... Your DP can sleep in her room if he's so bothered

jacks365 · 05/01/2014 21:46

Jingelmel you mentioned that your dd cries in between you turning the light off and getting into bed so can I assume she goes to bed at the same time as you in which case when do you get any time for you?

I had to stop co-sleeping with my dd and move her into her own room because having someone near her was more distracting and since going in her own room she's slept a good 12hours a night or more whereas before she was waking up and wanting to play.

Annunziata · 05/01/2014 21:47

Doesn't or can't? I am guessing that if she is still breastfeeding, she'll want her mum at night.

oadcb · 05/01/2014 21:48

Ffs sex doesn't have to just happen in bed!

harriet247 · 05/01/2014 21:48

No in that it should be a family decision not a mother/child one

harriet247 · 05/01/2014 21:49

And I wasnt trying to be an arsehole with the sex comment, it was genuine astonishment

TheFabulousIdiot · 05/01/2014 21:54

Ds is three and doesn't even have his own room yet. I think you are perfectly normal. I would like DS to have his own room though, and have plans underway to create one.

PeggyUndercrackers' post made me roll my eyes.

Also there's nothing more annoying than another person telling you something should be done a certain way without wanting to get actively nvolved in making it happen and so for that reason your DH is an arse ;)

ManualSpaniel · 05/01/2014 21:56

Harriet I agree it should be a family decision, but, if you both disagree on a way forward someones opinion has to hold the most weight.

In this case - it's whoever is actually doing the night wakings IMO.

harriet247 · 05/01/2014 22:00

Indeed manual

Original poster

jinglemel · 05/01/2014 22:09

Thank you ilovesmurfs that's how I feel. Friends of his haven't had sex for months/years despite doing their share of night wakings, IMO he gets the best of both worlds. He wants her in her own room rather than just own bed in our room so we can have more sex without the risk of waking her. And we don't currently have sex in our bed for whoever asked, there are plenty more rooms in the house! I don't go to bed at the same time as dd either. I lay down to feed her to sleep at around 8.30 then am downstairs with dp til dd wakes at around 11 p.m when I'm ready for bed anyway.

OP posts:

mercibucket · 06/01/2014 09:26

he prob wants lazy bedtime sex instead of make an effort sex.

we were the same. about that age or a bit older we got her a bed and did up her bedroom, then she slept there and came into our bed around midnight by herself

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