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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

About potty training

12 replies

voscar · 05/01/2014 07:48

My son is 17 months old. Goes to nursery two days a week and his grandparents have him two days a week to enable me to work 4 days. His grandparents adore him, he's their only grandchild.

Yesterday his grandma said to him that they were going to start potty next week as he is a big boy. We haven't discussed this, neither have my husband and I. I was a bit stunned so just said I don't think he's ready, he's not self aware of his movements yet and I don't know if we want to use a potty or the toilet yet.

MIL responded that you can tell when he's going (you can) and she would out him on the potty then.

I don't want to fall out with them over this, and I don't want to be unreasonable. They are very good to us, very helpful and excellent with our son. Am I being silly or should I just keep my mouth shut and let them try with him?

OP posts:
TokenGirl1 · 05/01/2014 07:59

Do it when you're ready. They are wrong to force this on you.

It's different than in their day as washable nappies were mainly used and so people got them on the potty quicker to save on all the washing and also the child was more aware as they could feel the wet. I think children get potty trained later now because disposables are so good that the child doesn't sit in a soaking wet cloth nappy. (Not relevant if your lo is in a washable nappy).

A difficult one for you but it's not really their decision to make.

TokenGirl1 · 05/01/2014 08:00

Do it when you're ready. They are wrong to force this on you.

It's different than in their day as washable nappies were mainly used and so people got them on the potty quicker to save on all the washing and also the child was more aware as they could feel the wet. I think children get potty trained later now because disposables are so good that the child doesn't sit in a soaking wet cloth nappy. (Not relevant if your lo is in a washable nappy).

A difficult one for you but it's not really their decision to make.

TokenGirl1 · 05/01/2014 08:01

Apologies, I don't know why this posted twice.

Doobiedoobedoobie · 05/01/2014 08:02

No I don't think YABU though I think it depends on quite how forcefully she is going to do this. Is she just going to pop him on the potty when she sees him weeing/ pooing and see how he goes, or will she go all out and leave him bare bummed and keep reminding him? Will she use bribes/ rewards? How will she cope with any accidents or if he has a fear of the potty? I wouldn't mind particularly the just popping him on but the rest I'd have an issue with at his age.

DD2 potty trained herself (literally) at 16 months, we didn't need to do anything. DD1 we trained the traditional way around her 2nd birthday but DD2 had a fear of the toilet so one day I dug out the old potty thinking I'd just leave it around the room so she'd get used to it over time. The next week while she was at home with her dad she apparently just wandered over and indicated she wanted her nappy off, sat and weed! And that was it, we kept her in nappies for a couple of weeks but they were always dry as she just indicated when she wanted to sit on the potty so then we took them off and left her in pants.

There were no signs whatsoever that she was ready to train tbh, if anything it was the complete opposite hence why I got the potty out to get her used to it as I was hoping to start things moving around her 2nd birthday just like her sister. So you may be surprised, but having said that she was young and there's no chance I'd be pushing it at him age. What does she intent to do it he hadn't picked it up in a month or so say, will she back off or just keep at it? It may be quite stressful for him if he's not physically ready yet (and it is mostly a physical thing, nothing to do with intelligence!)

Doobiedoobedoobie · 05/01/2014 08:03

That's interesting Token as DDs used cloth nappies too.

olivo · 05/01/2014 08:04

Oh my, that would be very early, although not necessarily impossible. You mst do it when it suite him and you. Could you say you have had a chat with nursery and they have advised tp wait, pr hath at they a re not happy to do it just yet, and that it would be best if you all approach it at the same time. Tell them that the summer hte summer would be much less trouble for them.

Good luck, tricky situation.

Andanotherthing123 · 05/01/2014 08:06

I think it crosses over into your territory quite honestly and if you were not thinking of toilet training then you shouldn't do it. It sounds like she wants to whip out a potty each time she can see him 'going' which is different to training a child to initiate using a potty and controlling their own movements. 17 months is very young IMO - my eldest DS was 2 yrs 8 months (waiting till it was summer to cut down on washing) and it took him a week to get it and he never looked back. My sister started training her little girl before she turned 2 and she's had countess 'protest' wees and poos all over the house and her daughter still struggles now at age 3.

That said, all children are different, my 4 year old autistic son is still in nappies so I've had to take a much more relaxed view of this all round!

YANBU to want to wait and to be the one who controls the potty training process.

sparkle101 · 05/01/2014 08:07

I totally agree. Do it on your terms. We are currently going through potty training hell and everyone dd comes into contact with need to be on board with what we're doing.

You will know when yours is ready and concentrate on it then, make sure mil is onside otherwise it'll set you back when you do want to start.

aliciagardner · 05/01/2014 08:10

Yanbu. Not on,y is he far too young (IMO), but it's for you as his parent to decide when to start potty training, not his grandma. I'm sure their intentions are good but this would really, really annoy me (hoe she didn't discuss with you, just told you!). I'd speak to her about that and nicely point out that ultimately it should be your decision.

After that's understood, there's no harm in trying I suppose, but there's a HUGE difference between a potty trained child and catching the wee/poo in a potty.... I've had many a conversation with my friends about this and our parents generation seem obsessed with potty training!

Kaida · 05/01/2014 08:26

Just FYI Tokengirl, modern washable nappies are now so good that a baby won't be sat in a "soaking wet cloth nappy". Modern stay dry linings and fast-absorbing materials plus materials that hold a lot more wee for their bulk mean less wet bums. Yes, damper than a modern sposie but not that much, and DS is certainly not soaking wet at any point.

OP, I agree I'd find out what she means. Previous generations seemed keen on catching wees and poos in potties, not really training at all, just predicting. I'd take umbrage, personally, at being informed by anyone else what was going to happen with my child.

Original poster
voscar · 05/01/2014 08:36

Thanks everyone. I will speak to them today as gently as possible. I kept his nappy off this morning to test his readiness and he's still more interested in putting it on his head than sitting on it.

It's a good point about catching pee rather than conscious decisions.

OP posts:
trinity0097 · 05/01/2014 08:48

Their method obviously worked with your husband, so why not let them do it?

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