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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To just sew my vagina up now.

7 replies

MrsDrRanj · 04/01/2014 22:51

Because I'm sick of awful sex.

I'm in my early 20s. I used to have a drug problem and was a bit of a mess in general so I went through a period of sleeping around a lot. I've been raped three times, and all the other times I never really wanted to have sex I just ended up giving in.

Please tell me it can get better than this? I appreciate I have had very poor taste in men but the thought of sex doesn't make me feel happy or excited it makes me sad and stressed.

Or do I just call it a day now and buy loads of cats?

OP posts:
FortyDoorsToNowhere · 04/01/2014 22:55

It seems to me you think of sex as a bad thing.

You don't have to have a sex life, but if you do want a sex life in future perhaps you should see a counsellor to work though the negitive way you think of sex.

HowlingTrap · 04/01/2014 22:58

I second counselling,

I think the sex you have experienced is abusive, the sort of people who have sex which vulnerable addicts are either messes themselves or probably enjoy the power element, if you are clean now and making a better life you are probably on the way to meeting better people.

MrsDrRanj · 04/01/2014 22:59

I like the idea of a healthy sex life where both people enjoy it but I've never experienced that, is that uncommon? In my experience men are takers and don't really care how I feel.

OP posts:
Grumpyrealist77 · 04/01/2014 23:00

Find the right man/woman, there's not alot of either out there (especially men).
Relationship sex is WAY better than casual (if not as exciting, but eat more chocolate to compensate).
Cat food is expensive, start saving now!
Rapists will hopefully get their comeuppance.

MincedMuffPies · 04/01/2014 23:02

My ex has raped me, I know how you feel but strangely a few days after I had a really good wank TMI but I felt more in control of my body again.

I have had lots of great amazing sex as well as shit being used and raped sex to so I don't feel like sewing it up but I'm quite happy do a few cobwebs to take root for a while Grin

Sorry if it comes across crude what I've wrote I just can't explain it any other way. PM if you ever want to chat.

FortyDoorsToNowhere · 04/01/2014 23:04

The next time you go out on a date I suggest waiting for a few weeks until you can trust the man.

I don't mean to sound judgemental as I really don't care if people have 1 night stand or stay virgins for the rest of thier lives.

Grumpasaurus · 04/01/2014 23:25

Can I recommend visiting a women's support charity or group, specifically one which offers support to victims of rape?

I have been through some similar experiences; was at a really difficult and low point in my life, and was raped by two men (together...).

I have been through a great deal of counselling and have done more than my fair share of naval gazing and battling some deamons! However, and this sounds completely clicheed, once I healed the things which were making me sleep around, I actually met a lovely man who treats me beautifully and who I have a great sex life with. Say what?

It was a vicious circle for me. I was molested as a child so later in life sought validation through sex. Thought I was being super free and liberall, when in reality, I was just picking a series of cunt fucks who just made me feel worse about myself! Then the cycle would go again- feel shit, look for validation through sex, be treated badly or not be satisfied or feel used, begin cycle again.

The culmination / breaking point was picking an abusive ex, who raped me with a friend when I finally mustered up enough courage to leave.

My advice- keep your legs closed for a bit whilst you spend time loving yourself. Masturbate and figure out what you want an what works for you. Wait to have sex if you meet someone new- and be honest with them about your background. Weeds out the ass holes!

My husband has been super supportive and really has helped me recognise and work through issues. They still rear their ugly heads sometimes but luckily I recognise them now and can put them in their place.

Hope this helps.

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