To be furious with dd for 'lending' her friend expensive clothes which I paid for!

[wowzah]

Namely a Jack Wills hoody I treated her to recently, I suspect that it isn't even a 'lend' more likely a swap, yes it was hers to give however this item in particulair was a special and somewhat extravagant treat and one which I won't be repeating!

Sorry, we didn't have any spare money when we were growing up, my mum expected things to be looked after and in our wardrobe when needed.

Although I can afford to replace everyday stuff, it doesn't sit well with me and I hope DD2 doesn't do it.

DD1 won't non of her three DF's are her size.

Especially with clothes I buy for my dc, they're a bit younger so haven't got into a loan situation yet (unless I ask other parents of friends when I need an item ds1 doesn't have for a nativity play/house colour tshirt at short notice/etc). But when I buy nice things it's with the expectation that as I have 2 ds, stuff from the elder will be passed down to the younger one. Ok so it might not be pristine when ds1 finishes with it but most of his stuff he grows out of before it gets badly worn. And there's plenty of life left in it - so the things that I buy for ds1 I've really bought for both ds if that makes sense, and so they're not really his to swap!

We did this as teenagers, all the time.

One of my friends had particularly trendy (and expensive) clothes that we all wanted to borrow. Her mum had a rule that if one of us wanted to borrow something we had to take it to the mum, tell her we were borrowing the item & then she would check that it was back within a couple of days. I think this was quite a good system actually! She was a lovely mum that I still keep in touch with today.

Yanbu. Not when it's expensive or designer stuff.

That's got nothing to do with being a snob. I'm not the kind if person who spends a fortune on this stuff so if I were to buy something more expensive, I've most likely saved up so my dd has something that's nice and good quality and will last. And it would be a treat.

I'd be really pissed off if the one designer item I'd been able to afford got lent out or swapped.

Yanbu. She'll learn the hard way. I was a complete doormat and used to let my so-called friends take lend my clothes left right and centre. My dad used to work away and bring me back some really cool stuff. Used to get them back in some right states, the lightbulb moment was when a designer hoody came back with a fag burn in it. My mum stepped in and put a stop to it then.

I really would check that she's getting it back and also make sure it comes back in a reasonable condition. When you are backed into a corner by friends, you lose sight of how much the item cost your parents and the sacrifices they made to buy it for you. I would spell that out to her.

I must have had a shit wardrobe & my daughter must now-no borrowing here.

Never heard of it tbh!

As someone said-they don't do it when they pay.

I only have little DS's but I know when I was a teenager like many others on here we shared clothes all the time. I can understand your frustration because of the cost of it but please don't make a massive deal out of it to your daughter, it's so important to pick your battles with teens and not take all of their actions personally - what friends and society think of them really does outweigh what parents think of them with most teenagers (It doesn't last forever!)
Just tell her to go and get it back & she won't be getting anything other nice new clothes until she does.

I'd find this annoying if it was an expensive item. I'd make it quite clear to your DD this is absoluletely not accepable. And say she must get it back. I think I would avoid ringing the Mother if at all possible. Teenagers like to think they can sort out their own problems.

isn't that what teenagers do?

I wouldn't be happy either. Ask for it back.

'Lending' is one thing but a) is the item ever going to come back and b) is the borrower taking the piss
and acquiring a new designer wardrobe at other people's expense.

I would be livid too! Although I do borrow my sons jack wills hoodies

Me and my friend swapped some shoes a few years ago...well they were to borrow and we were laughing at it the other day that we genuinely forgot about them. If you're that upset just make her get it back

It's ok as a swap, not ok if she can't get it back. Teen girls do borrow each other's clothes, and though I only have a son I treat him to Hollister/Superdry at Christmas and birthdays and would be mightily pissed off if he gave them away.

Yanbu. I'd be furious.
All those here who view this as fine has made me consider whether or not I am being unreasonable...but no...I can only go with how I feel about it. I do not pay megabucks for clothes only for them to end up with some random.

My daughter is now 20, and one of her friends is still wearing an Abercrombie and fitch hoodie that I gave DD when she was 14, and she loaned out about a month later, it never came back. It used to annoy me but now Im sort of pleased someone has had the wear of it!!

Teen girls all lend clothes. My DNs wardrobes are like revolving doors. Sometimes someone fucks up and then they are cast out of the lending circle.

She should be allowed to lend her things, however this should serve as a lesson to her on only giving what you can afford and happy to lose. I used to lend and share clothes all the time and became very aware of those two mantra.

Something is hers or it's yours. Remind her she can lend it, but if it never comes back you won't be replacing it.

When i was at boarding school (relevant) one of the more junior kids leant me a jacket for university interviews.

When I looked closely at it it was couture chanel! A cast off from her Mother apparently.

I most certainly did not lend anything of equivalent value back.

Sorry she lent me.

She did not lean against me wearing a jacket.

My dd (14) is always swapping clothes and quite often doesn't get things back. I've said to her let that be a lesson and don't lend to that person again.
She also cuts up clothes, tops to make into something different.
Complete waste but she buys most things with her own money so I just leave her to it.

She just needs to learn the value of what she has in terms of money, and that it was a special gift from you (and special gifts don't need to be expensive).

Simply explain the difference normal everyday clothes that can be swapped and leant, and the things that are just for her.

Its disrespectful & unkind to give away items bought for you by a parent. I wouldn't put up with my DD doing this. In fact not even lending. Tough if they don't like it. DCs can give away all the clothes they like - when they're paying for them.

Slightly different situation here. DS came in for his tea without his cardigan and coat on Saturday. We had been out for the afternoon and he was dressed really smartly. Got back home and he had 10 minutes playing on the front with his friends. I asked him where his stuff was and he said 'I lent it to James as they had no goal posts'.

I nearly went grey over-night, as the cardigan was Armani and the coat DKNY.

I have never seen him shift so fast to go and get his stuff.

(He does not normally play out in very smart clothes - it's normally jogging bottoms and a football shirt)

YANBU I'd be upset too. And yes the fact It's an expensive treat makes a difference.
If she's loaned it, she can get it back. I think she'll understand you as she gets older.

I remember when I was young (abt 15) my Mother went nuts 'cause she came to see me and my friend somewhere and my friend was wearing a new far-from-cheap T shirt that my Mother had bought me and I was wearing a scratty old top I'd had for ages. I totally didn't get it at the time, but I do now!