Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

to think my friend was mean doing this?

18 replies

mummytowillow · 04/01/2014 16:46

My daughter has been with her dad for over a week now. Everyone knows I miss her and feel like a spare part without her so I try to keep myself busy.

I've worked all week and I did some overtime. I had nothing to do today so arranged with a supposedly close friend to pop to hers for a catch up this afternoon, she said this would be ok but to text first to check she was in as she might pop out for a bit of shopping.

So this morning I went for long walk with another friend and text other friend when I got in early afternoon to see if she was ok for a visit.

It took her two hours to reply with this 'we'll have to leave it as I've got to get xxx (her teenage daughter) from work and then were going out for tea and the cinema'

So I've wasted an afternoon sitting waiting for her like a fool and she's just dropped me again.

To be honest I don't know why I bother as she is not interested in me and very rarely makes an effort it's all one sided.

So, is it me being over sensitive and should I just give up on this friendship?

OP posts:

YellowDinosaur · 04/01/2014 16:49

To be fair it doesn't really sound like she made a definite arrangement. If someone said to me to check first I would take as possible only not definite. So unless there is a massive back story yabu sorry. Although I can understand you being disappointed

fryingpantoface · 04/01/2014 16:50

I think that maybe its a bit of both, you're a little sensitive because you don't like being alone, but she had already agreed to get together.

next time make a formal plan to get together, with an actual time. I have to do it with one of my friends now

LindyHemming · 04/01/2014 16:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Jinty64 · 04/01/2014 16:57

To be honest I don't know why I bother as she is not interested in me and very rarely makes an effort it's all one sided.

Stop bothering. She is not a good friend.

OldBagWantsNewBag · 04/01/2014 16:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CoffeeTea103 · 04/01/2014 17:00

Yabu, she did let you know at the beginning to text her first as she knew she had other things to do. She didn't confirm plans with you and then drop you.
You had a free day so you can't expect someone else to have free time as well. She text you with details of why she couldn't make it so not as though she said no outright.

Bowlersarm · 04/01/2014 17:03

Yabu!

It wasn't a firm arrangement. She wasn't bring mean. She was just busy. You are sensitive to it because you are feeling lonely.

Pancakeflipper · 04/01/2014 17:04

If a one off then sensitive as nothing was really set/formalized. If it's always like this then yanbu

Justforlaughs · 04/01/2014 17:13

What Pancake said. If it's a regular occurrance and you don't think she's interested in you then you need to make some new friends. If you feel let down and it's a one off then it sounds like you are being over-sensitive, from what you said it wasn't a definite arrangement and something cropped up. I'm sorry that you are missing your DD, she'll be home soon and no doubt has missed you as well.

Farrowandbawlbauls · 04/01/2014 17:18

she said this would be ok but to text first to check she was in

and

It took her two hours to reply with this 'we'll have to leave it as I've got to get xxx (her teenage daughter) from work and then were going out for tea and the cinema'

She said text later to see if Im still in, you did. She was busy, so what if she didnt answer her phone straight away - she wasn't to know you were sat waiting. She may have had the phone on silent, switched off, or assumed you'd be doing something else in the meantime, since when did people have to answer phones and texts the second they get them?

By the time she replied she was already busy and had plans.

You are blowing this way out of proportion because you are feeling lonely - it's not your friends fault.

Bodypopper · 04/01/2014 17:24

farrowandbawbaulbs yes agree with that post.

ilovesooty · 04/01/2014 17:34

Yes, so do I. You didn't have a firm arrangement so I don't really think your friend did any thing wrong. I think perhaps you need to look at some new strategies for using these times when you're on your own which place less dependence on others.

Farrowandbawlbauls · 04/01/2014 17:37

Did your friend know you are feeling lonely or did you just assume she should have guessed?

If you had said that you were feeling a little lonely, I have no doubt she would have met up with you.

The way you have described it - it's just a quick catch up over coffee while you don't have your DD with you...not exactly high on the urgency list.

If you want attention you have to come out and say it otherwise people are just going to carrry on as they are because they will think that you are doing just fine.

musicboxwoundbyakey · 04/01/2014 17:41

YANBU.

Yes there was not a definite plan but you were doing as she asked - checking. She should have replied sooner.

I would stop making the effort. I did with friends like this but feel a hell of a lot better for it.

Farrowandbawlbauls · 04/01/2014 17:46

What makes everyone think she even heard the text message arrive? FFS.

Those who expect messages and calls to be answered straight away are usually too much hard work to start with.

Ullapull · 04/01/2014 17:51

That's sad, YANBU to feel disappointed. Don't bother arranging stuff with her again, leave it for her to contact you. Hope you had a good afternoon anyway.

LittlePlasticCastles · 04/01/2014 17:54

YANBU to feel upset. She sounds a bit flaky tbh.

WooWooOwl · 04/01/2014 17:57

It sounds like it was a very loose arrangement that you took as being a definite (even thought she asked you to check first) and she took as a maybe depending on how the day goes.

I don't think she's done anything wrong and you are way over reacting by calling her mean.

My friends and I make loose arrangements like that all the time when it's just a quick cup of coffee and a catch up. Sometimes it happens and sometimes it doesn't depending on whether anything more pressing gets in the way or not. It's not a big deal.

Flip