Hi - don't really know where to start with this just looking for some impartial advice I guess. DH is military and currently deployed and having to deal with tricky MIL by myself which is sapping my energy. Sitting here fuming / feeling bad about latest conversation when I should be relaxing while DS naps :-(
LOT of background. Always been a bit tricky with us. Opposite ends of spectrum personality wise but two years ago had a big problem as we had a terrible year - move abroad which I did not want then DH got terribly ill then after all that was over I sort of collapsed and got quite severely depressed. MIL was asked to be discreet but told DH's brother and wife and two other people we know of. This resulted in a big blow-up and destroyed DHs trust in his parents. Ended without resolute really as she refused to apologise and had FIL call us more than once to explain how horrible we were being upsetting like this. Decided in end to never tell her anything again and make nice for kids sake. Bumbled along since then but with usual issues we don't see them enough etc - she is very manipulative - plays to make us stay by booking a 'treat' nail appointment or something 3 hours after we said we had to leave. Main issue is safety though - their house is very very cluttered and completely un-baby friendly. Things that I move tend to find their way back etc. Lots of things on the floor including a stone etching just leant on a bookshelf on the floor. I have an active 10 month DS whose hands/feet would be badly hurt by it if they fell on it. House is in some disrepair so doors don't close etc - impossible to get kids to sleep / avoid them being woken. PLus she always insists on having DH's brother and kids there too. There is really not enough room and we all end up tripping over one another. Lastly they are starting an extension (knocking through) in the next week.
We are posted abroad and at home for only 5 weeks. I have already been there to stay between xmas and NY and DD has been to stay on her own and is going again next week. MIL wants us all to go back and is very pissed off that I am refusing to take the baby back. Its just more physical and emotional energy than I have just now. Been on my own with the kids for 4 months and another two to go.
Anyone else have similar problems? Strategies? AIBU? Missing DH's support here although he is very afraid of offending her.