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Original poster

To be worried about bonding with another baby

18 replies

HarvestSquirrel · 04/01/2014 10:39

I am sure a lot of people go through this but I am so genuinely anxious about how I am going to bond with my second baby, due any day

For me, a big part of bonding with my daughter was/is watching all her milestones. Her first smile and now, when she picks up a phrase that she's heard me or DH say, she is like a parrot and it's so adorable. I just worry that with the next child we will have seen everything before and it won't seem quite so magical. Feel sorry for the poor thing! I'm not saying that's the only reason I love my child, but watching her grow and develop fills me with love and pride.

So what's it like? Does the second child still manage to fill you with awe and amazement? Or is it different?

OP posts:
C3P0 · 04/01/2014 10:45

Evolution will ensure you bond just fine. In fact you grow a whole bunch of new brain cells around birth to help this process. If parents didn't bond with second children, they'd forever be leaving them places by accident, or forgetting to feed them. That doesn't happen!

aderynlas · 04/01/2014 10:59

I worried about this too harvestsquirrel. Once my second child arrived there was never a problem. Loved her as much as my first. Good luck and congratulations.

onedev · 04/01/2014 11:05

I also worried but when my 2nd was born (& then 3rd) I felt the exact overwhelming love each time as I had with my first. It happens naturally, so try not to worry if you can.

All the best with the new arrival!

RedHelenB · 04/01/2014 11:07

You will love them , but in a different way to your first.

Timeforabiscuit · 04/01/2014 12:06

This was from another poster but it touched me,

Love is like a cake, when another person enters your family , you don't cut your cake in half - you gain another cake!

but then food metaphors work for me Grin

tilliebob · 04/01/2014 12:10

The miracle of ever increasing love is about to hit you. I couldn't comprehend how I could ever love another child the way I loved my firstborn. The worry seriously blighted my second pregnancy. However, DD was born and I didn't even have to think about it. She was here, she was ours, and I loved her. I have 3 dcs now and love them all equally. 1 or 101, ever increasing love will do its thing!

DoYouNeedAWahhmbulance · 04/01/2014 12:29

My sixth child still fills me with awe and amazement! They are all so different and each first and milestone is still so special

I think the candle explaination is quite lovely.You light a candle and it represents you and your love and then each dc has an unlit candle. As you light the first one you say this is you dc1 and when you were born I gave you all of my love, then you go onto dc2 and say that when they were born you gave them all of your love and so on. The flames show that even though each of them has been given so much love there is enough to go around. I've probably explained that badly but hopefully you get the gist!

FriendlyLadybird · 04/01/2014 12:31

One of the reasons for the largeish age gap between our two DCs is that my DH was reluctant to try for no 2, believing that he could never love another child as much as our DS. And then, in the delivery room, I watched him fall immediately and completely in love with our DD -- in the same, yet also in an entirely different way from the way he loved our DS.

puntasticusername · 04/01/2014 13:31

I'm sitting here with DS2 (two weeks old) snoring on my chest.

Like everyone, I did and do love my pfb to distraction. Hasn't stopped me loving DS2 just as much. For his own sweet self, of course, and also because he reminds me of things I'd forgotten about DS1's babyhood. How very satisfying it is to get a huge burp out of a baby; the "unique" but not wholly unpleasant smell of baby poo; the way DS1, when latching on to feed, used to give a few huge sucks then hunch his little shoulders right up so he looked dead shifty, as if he thought he was stealing the milk or something.

Am looking forward to lots more of this as DS2 grows. I agree with the cake analogy further up the thread - it feels quite overwhelming having this much good stuff in my life. Keep having to restrain myself from posting soppy statuses to fb about feeling blessed Smile

Tl;dr - don't worry, it'll happen and it'll be amazing! All the best with your new arrival.

Andanotherthing123 · 04/01/2014 14:16

It's terrible really, as having second child just means you go from awash with love, to having to surrender to such intense adoration it's hard to join the real world ever again! I'm about to have DC3 as I'm so excited to experience falling in love all over again with another baby. Less excited about the sleepless nights though...

CunningAtBothEnds · 04/01/2014 15:12

I had the same fear, right up until I saw DS2s face. then the fear slipped away. like that! its crazy, its like your love doubles and takes ona new meaning.. I love DS1 as a big brother as well as all the other ways.. Also Ive found DS2 More enjoyable, as he develops so differently from DS1, and I worry less which makes the whole parenting thing so much nicer in itself. I would like DC3, have no worries about the amount of Love to go around, more the amount of sleep!! Grin

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 04/01/2014 15:22

I think you can't 'imagine' until they are physically there.
Like , before DC1 was born you have an idea that your life will change but NOTHING prepares you.
Then they are real and here, and have their own personality.

The physical ache you get when you're not near them, it's still there with DC2.
It's just you're wiser and more knackered organised Grin

TarkaTheOtter · 04/01/2014 15:22

I have actually found it easier to bond with dc2 from the start.

TwinkleSparkleBling · 04/01/2014 15:52

I was the same. I can remember sobbing on DH at the later stages of second pregnancy because I was so worried Blush

Now DD2 is coming up to 2. She is unique and I love her as much as DD1 but differently because she is different iyswim.

Just enjoy your pregnancy and the new baby muses possibility of DC3 enviously

FortyDoorsToNowhere · 04/01/2014 16:00

I found it more enjoyable the 2nd time around, a lot of the worries was gone and i felt more confident the 2nd time.

Original poster
HarvestSquirrel · 04/01/2014 16:25

Oh thank you- really hope it'll be the same for me. Just don't know how things can be as amazing the second time around!

OP posts:
Crowler · 04/01/2014 16:30

I think the way you're feeling is totally normal, I was convinced that the love that I felt for my firstborn could not be repeated with another baby - but it was. My favorite silly platitude: love multiplies.

puzzleduck · 04/01/2014 16:33

We all feel like this. Please dont worry you will ADORE your next child just as much as the first for different reasons.

I am so jealous I want that lovely feeling of seeing your new baby for the first time. Its the BEST feeling in the world.

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