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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to ask their grandfather?

25 replies

macdoodle · 03/01/2014 18:55

I have 2DD's age 12 and 6. I am divorced from their father (he is an arse). His father lives round the corner from us, my relationship with him is frosty, but he adores my girls.
XH works away and doesnt see them much, but XFIL loves to see them. DD1 often walks round their after school and they see him most alternate sundays (XH supposed contact).
In a few weeks I have to do a course for a weekend. Childcare certainly for DD2 is going to be tricky. I will be out early and home late Sat and Sun.
I asked XH and he shrugged and said he would probably be away (no surprise).
I am stuck, my Dsis who would normally help cant that weekend (work and her DD birthday), and my mother cant.
WIBU to ask their grandfather to have them all weekend, from Sat morning, overnight until I finish on Sunday (about 5). He has not had them overnight since his wife died. But he has the room and he is capable, and they are both good girls who dont need "looking after". They would love it??
Is it cheeky to ask him?

OP posts:

HappyMummyOfOne · 03/01/2014 19:04

Its a big ask, depends on if you do him favours and are still in contact with him.

waltermittymissus · 03/01/2014 19:05

I don't see why no. He's their grandfather! He can say no if he wants to but if he's capable (ie no health problems etc.) then he'd probably love it!

steff13 · 03/01/2014 19:06

I don't think it would hurt to ask.

Original poster

macdoodle · 03/01/2014 19:08

We don't really speak, we pass waves and smiles when I drop the girls or pick them up.
I will get bits for the girls to take him ie pies I know he likes from a certain shop if I am there, specific sweets he likes, I always buy cards and pressies from them for his birthday/xmas etc.
But I know its a big ask, and wouldnt consider it if I wasnt desperate. We could leave off the overnight and I could pick them up and drop them off, it will mean a rushed weekend all round, and getting them up early on sunday.
I even offered to pay my normal babysitter to do it but she cant.

OP posts:

Alwayscheerful · 03/01/2014 19:08

How old is he and is he in good health?

Original poster

macdoodle · 03/01/2014 19:10

He's early 70's, good for his age, nothing major I'm aware of.

OP posts:

KingRollo · 03/01/2014 19:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BackforGood · 03/01/2014 19:14

Of course YANBU. If he feels he can't, then I'm sure he will say. How lovely that you encourage this relationship with their Grandfather

TippiShagpile · 03/01/2014 19:15

Ask, definitely. He will be pleased you have asked him and they will be thrilled.

It's a win-win. :)

smilingthroughgrittedteeth · 03/01/2014 19:16

I don't think it's cheeky, he is their grandfather and has regular contact with them, it's not like he hardly sees them.

I'd ask, the worst that can happen is he says no

Original poster

macdoodle · 03/01/2014 19:19

Well no sadly, the worst that can happen is he can complain to XH and XH will kick off and we will take 10 steps backwards. For the first time in years, he is being halfway civil to me.

OP posts:

smilingthroughgrittedteeth · 03/01/2014 19:27

how about being a bit sneaky and getting your girls to ask grandad if they can have a sleepover, if he says yes you can suggest that weekend if he says no then you won't have said anything.

waltermittymissus · 03/01/2014 19:34

Well I would say then that if you're worried about negative reprucussions then perhaps look at alternatives but you've given xh the opportunity. He said no.

There's nothing wrong with asking.

ChippingInLovesChristmasLights · 03/01/2014 19:36

Would the girls be happy going? Happy enough to say to him that they would love to stay overnight and mean it? If so, then I would say they have been asking for a while and if he would like them to stay he could really help you out by having them that weekend.

Onesleeptillwembley · 03/01/2014 19:37

Your second post makes your relationship positively wonderful compared to some . I'd ask - but offer to send round a shepherds pie or something for Saturday. Yes, a sort if bribe, but as a thank you as well.

sykadelic15 · 03/01/2014 19:38

Agree with it not being unreasonable to ask. You could word it like: "I have a course on X and will be looking for someone to look after the kids for a couple of hours. EH said he was probably going to be away so I wanted to ask you first whether you wanted to have them overnight from Saturday morning at X to Sunday night at X. If you can't of course that's fine, but I wanted to offer it to you first. They're old enough now they shouldn't be too much trouble."

It'd also open the door for them staying over at other times if he likes/is able.

mameulah · 03/01/2014 19:41

He would love it I am sure. Ask! And if it goes well he can surely do it again and give you a well deserved break.

Alwayscheerful · 03/01/2014 19:43

Skye put it very well and the shepherds pie and/or a casserole would be a great idea.

Original poster

macdoodle · 03/01/2014 19:45

Oooh food what an excellent suggestion. I could do a cottage pie/spat hol for sat night and get a big one of his pies for them all on Sunday, and maybe some sausages. Brill that makes it more palatable to me, as I hate asking favours. Why didn't I think of that. Thank you :)

OP posts:

nostress · 03/01/2014 19:46

Ask! He'll be chuffed I'm sure. My dad had my kids for a weekend when they were 2&7. It was fine... In fact he took them to legoland on his own and didnt loose them! He did ring me at one point because my two year old had asked for water in a cafe and he wanted to check that it was ok!

Lambzig · 03/01/2014 19:56

I think you should ask, but be prepared not to take offence if he says no.

My Father and stepmother love the grandchildren and always want us to visit or to come here (when I say us, I don't usually get a hello until ten minutes in), but when I asked if they would consider having them for an overnight for our tenth wedding anniversary, Dad said he thought it would be too much for them. They are in their early 70s and was quite surprised they felt like that, but glad they were honest (while being slightly miffed that DH and I never, ever get time to ourselves, sigh).

I think if you go in with the view that it is ok for him to say no, then there should be no problem.

Mim78 · 03/01/2014 19:59

You can ask. He might say yes, he might say no.

As long as you make it clear that you are prepared for him to say no and he doesn't feel pressured it is fine. He might be really chuffed as others have said.

The food idea is a good one.

zebdee · 03/01/2014 20:10

I'd ask him but make it sound like your asking him because you want to not because your desperate

Middleagedmotheroftwo · 03/01/2014 20:11

There's nothing wrong with asking GF, and the three of them will have a great time. But if you're not comfortable, why don't you arrange for them to stay with friends? My friends and I were always hosting each others' DCs at weekends so we could have nights out and weekends away. You could offer to return the favour sometime (they don't both have to stay with the same family).

WaitMonkey · 03/01/2014 20:32

Ask. I bet he and your dc would have a great time.

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