To want to hand oh up by the heels until he gets a grip (light hearted)

[Purplepoodle]

OH is feeling blue and making life hellish for me and the kids.

The reason - our house. We have a mortgaged 3 bed (old) terrace ex council house in an estate; its in negative equity by 30k. He works away and says coming home to the house makes him depressed as he doesn't like the house, he didn't want to buy it (he was away - emailed him photos, gave the ok - this was 7 years ago pre kids). At the time it's all we could afford as no one would give him a mortgage so it was my wage only. It was supposed to be our first step home but now we are stuck due to the negative equity.

He wants a new build with more wow factor. I would love this but I still have a grip on reality and realise this is not going to happen. I work pt, we have several children and he doesn't earn great money for hours he has to work. I look at the positives - we have a nice home, great kids, bills we can afford - we live within our means. So I think I need to hang oh up by his heels until he gets a grip and counts his blessings.

If you let it, would the rent cover the mortgage?

We bought at the peak and when our house became unsuitable for us yet we were unable to sell due to negative equity, we moved to a larger, more suitable rented property that we love, and now privately let the house we own.

Best thing we ever did.

Did look at renting ours out to buy another but finically advisor said no. I'm reluctant to move into a rented property as i would worry about being forced to move ect and lack of stability for dc's. Plus we have three double bedrooms, not huge but great sizes so although cozy with 3 dc's not exactly cramped iykwim.

In that case, yeh, a special delivery from the Grip Shop for him then.

If he really wants a home with a wow factor an you can't afford that right now, he has to reassess his career. He's obviously working hard, but there's nothing shitter than working hard for barely any reward. If he wants to afford more, he needs to earn more and stop giving you grief.

My DH is a bit like this sometimes, complaining that our house isn't 'the house', garden not big enough, no character, etc. I have on occasion had to remind him that we are extremely lucky to have a roof over our heads (which is lovely actually) and plenty of green space nearby that makes our small garden irrelevant if he bothered getting off his arse and going for a walk.

However I think your DH saying that coming home to his family makes him feel depressed is a bit disrespectful and I wouldn't stand for it. If he wants to start planning and saving for a new house(even if would take a few years or requires looking for a better paid job) he should take positive steps towards it and not moan.

Whatever you do, when the market picks up don't let him mortgage you up to the eyeballs to get his new build fantasy (by the way, new builds are not all they are cracked up to be, you pay a premium, often for tiny rooms and squished in houses). There's a lot to be said for living within your means.

Exactly right vivi and jingle. Unfortunately his profession there isn't really any chance of much better pay so he is stuck. Saving is the way to go and see what the future holds

Newbuilds are also vulnerable to the negative equity trap, particularly since (a) they are often built in large enough numbers to affect the supply/demand balance of a market, and (b) being built in large numbers, to similar plans, they are very, and very directly, comparable to one another.