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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want them to stay over

19 replies

2Tinsellytocare · 02/01/2014 17:08

On Boxing day my brother assaulted my DM and her DH in a drunken and unprovoked attack. I was staying the night with DH and DC's, by some miracle the DC's slept through the screaming and swearing otherwise I think they'd be traumatised. My brother ran away that night but has now returned as has nowhere else to go. My DM is now asking for the DC's to have a sleepover at hers, I feel awful as she's done nothing wrong and shouldnt be punished but I just cant risk them staying whilst he's still there

OP posts:

Pawprint · 02/01/2014 17:10

No. They can't stay there. It would be wrong. I would just say that you would worry too much.

Sorry about your db - what a horrible thing to happen.

TheWitTank · 02/01/2014 17:10

The brother is at the mums I presume? If this is the case, then no way would my kids be going there, especially not to stay over!

squoosh · 02/01/2014 17:12

No she shouldn't be punished but your children's safety is top of your list of priorities. Definitely don't let them sleep over as long as he's there.

Why is she letting him live in her house? Is he often violent?

yarn33 · 02/01/2014 17:12

I have a similarly temperamental brother living with my parents. We never go to their house full stop, kids come first.

WhoNickedMyName · 02/01/2014 17:15

YANBU.

If your mum chooses to accept that kind of behaviour in her home then she also has to accept that one of the consequences is that your children don't stay over there.

MatryoshkaDoll · 02/01/2014 17:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

2Tinsellytocare · 02/01/2014 17:17

He got diagnosed with bi polar disorder a couple of years ago and is on medication, but I feel like on this occasion I think it was a combination of far too much drink and a terrible temper. He's gone mad in the past and smashed things up but this is a progression. My DH ran out to the halkway when he heard the altercation and restrained brother from anything further so we felt safer than we would had he not been there iyswim? Brother is 20 and has nowhere else

OP posts:

phantomnamechanger · 02/01/2014 17:54

sad though this scenario is, and much as I feel for your DM, you MUST put your kids first. is your brother getting sufficient help?

Original poster

2Tinsellytocare · 02/01/2014 18:06

It is hard to accept but you're right. To me it's a deal breaker and im frustrated they've taken him back especially since he was contrite for all of a day equally though i'm trying to imagine how i'd feel were he my DS. He is for the bi polar but I think he needs anger management too

OP posts:

MsAspreyDiamonds · 02/01/2014 18:20

Is he being seen by a dr or therapist for his condition? If so, can they be contacted for advice regarding this new development in his behaviour? If he has attacked once, he will attack again and you can't risk your children being in the middle of it.

Quoteunquote · 02/01/2014 18:21

What about your mum and dad coming to stay at yours, so they can do all fun grandparents stuff, stress free , so your children and parents don't miss out.

and you get a night away. start looking

I hope your brother gets some profenional support soon.

Preciousbane · 02/01/2014 18:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

2Tinsellytocare · 02/01/2014 18:37

I'll ask DM regarding updating the Dr as it sounds like it's important that they know but as I said I so really think the anger and the alcohol were the real catalyst here

OP posts:

OhCaptainDarling · 02/01/2014 18:43

I can understand your concern and that clearly your Mum shouldn't be punished for your Brothers behaviour. However saying that, how would you feel if your DC's witness any of the behaviour he displayed over Christmas? You said they would be 'traumatised', personally I think you have already answered your own question.

Maybe let the dust settle a bit.

OhCaptainDarling · 02/01/2014 18:47

How old are your DC's? Are your DC's are aware of your brothers health issues, if they where to witness anything how would you explain it?

The last thing I sure you want is for DC's to be scared of they uncle or concerned for his health or scared for your Mum either.

Original poster

2Tinsellytocare · 02/01/2014 18:53

They are only 4 and 6, dont know how I would've explained it

OP posts:

Preciousbane · 02/01/2014 19:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OhCaptainDarling · 02/01/2014 19:49

I think you need to be honest with your Mum, she must understand surely your position surely.

Are you able to explain to your brother that you don't wish for DC's to see him unhappy and have a negative view of him. Completely understand that this might not be possible at the current time.

Maybe a day trip out somewhere fun with Granny

AuntieMaggie · 02/01/2014 19:50

You're supposed to avoid alcohol with a mental health condition especially if you're on medication - this isn't an excuse for the way he acted but rather shows he's not managing his condition and I wouldn't want my DCs around him until he was.

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