about doors and MIL (I suppose I am a bit U)

[gettingabitirrational]

I know IABU but in my defense MIL is two weeks into a stay (length of which still unconfirmed)

We live overseas and it is very very hot at the moment.

My house is not a traditional UK layout, three floors (entry via the middle floor, which has living room and two bedrooms, down to "basement" where we have the kitchen, dining room and a big patio onto the garden and two more bedrooms on the top floor.

Even if we are in the living room in the evening, we leave the patio door open downstairs because it cools the house down, and less need for aircon (and horrific electric bills) It is perfectly safe to do so.

MIL doesn't want the patio door left open.

(this is the woman who locks all her doors and windows and draws the curtains by 4.30pm winter and summer) - I remember we stayed with her for two nights last year (in UK) and sweltered in her living room with the curtains closed on two of the most glorious summer's evenings of the year.

She keeps coming up and downstairs from the living room to the basement and back again, asking if she should close the door, dh says no mum, leave it. OK, she says, sits down for 5 minutes, lather, wash repeat.

There is loads of other stuff going on, but the doors thing is making me very stabby.

Is she scared of something? Do you live in downtown Detroit? (I appreciate I may have watched too many American cop shows and Detroit may be perfectly lovely).

I would keep repeating and asking her to leave the door open, when she moves out of her chair. If I was feeling polite. But after a couple of days I would probably end up shouting at her to leave the FUCKING DOOR open as I don't want to sit in a sweaty/stuffy room like she does. And if she doesn't like she can go and sit in her bedroom with all the doors and windows shut.

Or telling her if she touches the door one more time she will be on the next plane home and her next visit will be sometime never.

Whilst I totally get why you're annoyed it sounds like your MiL is really struggling. My mum is somewhat similar - very into locking doors for fear of intruders and would totally stress out in the situation you describe. It's not really a logical thing, more akin to a phobia.

Given that she's with you for a while, could you find a third way, like door chains, so doors can be open whilst still secure?

I think you need a date for her to go home,.
pmsl @ stabby and detroit

Op, I hear you, I hear you! Yanbu. My in laws go round closing my doors all the time throughout the house, even though I am constantly pointing out that they keep trapping the cats in various rooms. I keep wanting to shout "LEAVE THE FUCKING DOORS ALONE" too. Arrrgh.

Tbf she's probably worried about intruders. Where I live in London you couldn't leave your doors open unfortunately!

I also think that she is just scared.

When I was recovering from pneumonia and very run down, I felt very vulnerable and changed how I behaved. I think of aging as something similar, my Mum says that she cannot cope with arguments etc around her, because she doesn't have any self defence ability, anymore.

I would speak to her, go through her worries and reassure her.

I also live in a part of Liverpool that you would be attacked/robbed if you left a door (or window) open. It is a hard habit to get out of.

My ex used to try to undermine me when we were parked and I wanted the car doors locked and the windows up.

I have been attacked/robbed/mugged and raped in the past though.

Where does she sleep, OP? I was wondering if she's worried about burglars getting at her valuables, and if she might calm down a bit of you locked away stuff for her, so she could know her money/passport whatever were safe...

My parents visited us from my home country recently - we live in a tiny village with zero burglary (literally, the last burglary according to the stats acquired by the PC was in 2002, and that was the only one that year) - and my mother kept taking scooters and toys that live outside under a porch and bringing them into the house, because she couldn't feel they were safe outside, because they wouldn't be safe outside where my parents live...

Is she scared of something? Do you live in downtown Detroit? (I appreciate I may have watched too many American cop shows and Detroit may be perfectly lovely).

Parts of the Detroit area are lovely, but Detroit also has four of the top five most dangerous neighborhoods in the United States, so your impression is not inaccurate.

I live in a very safe neighborhood; my husband has accidentally left our garage door open overnight on several occasions, and even though our cars (with keys in them!), my purse, etc., were there for the taking nothing has ever been touched. But I still wouldn't feel safe leaving a door open overnight. In fact, I think it would make me feel very unsettled, so I can understand where she's coming from. On top of that, I have OCD, and a door left open would probably drive me crazy until I closed it.

From the OP, it doesn't sound like you've discussed with her what her issue is with the open door. I think your husband needs to address exactly what is bothering her, and then address it from there.

But I still wouldn't feel safe leaving a door open overnight. OP isn't leaning the door open over night. She talking leaving the door open while everyone up and getting a cool breeze through the house.

It's one of those little idiosyncrasies that seem ok until about day three of the stay, by which time the most danger is from the people they are winding up within the house rather than from outside it Sounds like you need the leaving date agreed. (Otoh I am a very ameniable guest who wouldn't say a word about the patio door situation and am hugely of your lovely hot weather...)

Is she worried blowies will come in or plain house flies ?

She's just gotta get used to that

Have you sat down together and talked about why shes so anxious about it?
maybe you can reassure her that it's not dangerous?

YANBU. If she can't respect your rules, it's time to go home. My MIL is a fretter. Her current issue is that we have a pond and a baby. The fact it's January and we have plans to fill in the pond is irrelevant. Maybe she thinks he'll get out through the cat flap and crawl to an untimely death.

Would it be possible to sit in the evenings on the patio, or in the basement, so that she can see for herself that there are no intruders?