To want the in laws go treat he children fairly, present wise, next year?

[UnfairlyMary]

For the last 3 years the in laws and uncles and aunts on their fathers side have treated our children significantly unfairly when it comes to presents.

The first year our youngest was just a baby and the aunt and uncle got him nothing 'because he's too young to know'. Then passed DH a present as instead, a model plane for him and eldest DC to make together.

The second year DC2 was toddling, and the present ratio was seriously lacking on his part but again I just thought it was because they would think he was too young to notice.

This Christmas he was old enough to notice. DC1 got 5 times the amount of presents and amount of money spent on him. The difference was ridiculous. I feel guilty when I think of DC2 peeking under the tree wondering where his presents were .

You would never guess, the grandparents aren't the doting type but they like the children and are nice people. Although they don't treat DH the way they treat his brothers, he has missed out on significant things that his brother hasn't, so its within their nature to be unfair with their generosity.

I feel like a prized ungrateful arse 'complaining' on here about this.

But my little DC2 noticed this year and we feel so bad for him.

DH wont say anything, he is already seen as the 'bad one' by his dad (no idea why?? He was in the army, did a degree and has never been out of work, he's an excellent father and nice person).

I know it'll happen next year, I thought of having a few sly presents wrapped up in the car so I could give them to DC2 when he's left out, to even things out. But then I realised that would look as though Im trying to make the grandparents look bad, which I wouldn't want to do at all. I just want the kids to feel even.

How do I handle this so I don't look ungrateful for what they do do?

WWYD?

it sounds like you want to be upset at them rather than get to the knub of the issue and tackle it.

I don't understand how you can keep the number of presents the same. It makes life very complicated - especially as they get older.

To go to extremes, if one of your DC was given a PS4, that is a very big present and they would be unlikely to get anything else.
But if your other DC wanted smaller value things then obviously they would have a greater number to open.

Keep the value the same. How many that turns out to be may well vary (within reason when they're little).

But it really has to be the OP's DH who has to speak up. Although you said DH wont say anything, he is already seen as the 'bad one' by his dad, what has he go therefore to lose?
At the moment he is putting his own feelings before his DC.

My husbands parents have started sending postal orders (£5 each for my kids) and buying my husbands kids presents so we have to add to the money so we can even it up but then my husbands brothers don't buy my kids anything whereas my brothers bought all the kids presents so we will be refusing the money next year and asking them to not bother with the presents either if we have the kids for Christmas because it's totally unfair the way my kids are treated.

Funky I did tell them what they wanted. They just bought DC1 a whole load of other presents on top. And not DC2.

Elf how on earth have you managed to get that out this thread? You havent seen that I feel awful for my son, you havent seen that I dont wang to seem ungrateful or piss them off, instead, somehow from what the above you think this is all about me wanting to stay annoyed with them? . I havent even said they have pissed me off, all I have pressed is that I feel bad for my son. How odd that you should read something that absolutely is not there.

babyicebean DH is the middle child of two boys.

Middle of two men I mean! Two brothers, you know what I mean.

I would be wary about reading too much into it. Can you remember at all what DC1 received when he was the age DC2 is now? I also think of Lego as a sort of family present, it won't wear out or go out of fashion, so DC2 will play with it when he is old enough. If it was things that they would eat or would wear out, that would be different.

My DC1 received almost no presents as a baby, DC2 did as people had got DC1 something, but it was a smaller something for the baby - either way could be considered unfair if you were looking for it.

It sounds like they ask you in advance as well, so just be sure next year to be specific or put it nicely. Better to say it is due to the stage they are at, obsessed with fairness, than drag up the past years.

Ask them to send you the money and tell them you will buy your children presents on their behalf to save them posting them on/having to go shopping/want them for xmas day not boxing day - or other similar excuse.