Snooping is worse than being two-faced?

[Lunaria]

My two best mates have fallen out because Friend1 went out of her way to find Friend2 on social sites and she found something unpleasant that had been said about her.

It was all anonymous but Friend2 was identifiable by her situation and location etc. Only someone who already knew her intimately would be able to find her.

Actually Friend1 has "accidentally" found Friend2 before but the first time she just came clean.

This second time, however, she looked through the post history and found that Friend2 had made an anonymous reference to her that came across as really bitchy.

Now they aren't friends and I feel like I need to take sides to resolve it.

I'm feeling like Friend2 has a right to voice her inner opinions privately and what is important is that she is supportive to Friend1s face. Plus the typed word is subject to interpretation.

Friend1 deliberately and unnecessarily invaded Friend2s privacy which seems much less forgivable to me.

I was just wondering what other people thought?

You're not much of a friend IMO if you are saying unpleasant things about someone behind their back. If I (say) disagreed with something a friend was doing, I would not be supportive to their face and then bitch about them behind their back (I might say that I disagreed with their decision but then support them to the best of my ability, but I think that's different).

If you post something on a social media site it is not private. Particularly if enough details are posted to make the people identifiable (if you are say, looking for advice about particular situations, you can always change sufficient details to make it not obvious who you are talking about.

Stalking someone like that is very creepy.

I've said things about DH on here when letting off steam, for example, that aren't great, but are me anonymously getting things off my chest.

You can bet that if she's stalked your friend, she's stalked you too.

Why do you need to take sides?

If both are friendships which you value, just keep out of it. They are not children and can respect the fact you have a friend ship with the other, and not involve you.

I agree friends have a right to opinions, however would find a friend who said one thing to my face and then gossiped about the situation and slagged me off unforgivable.
You say it was anonymous, but the friend had already found her once, it would not been so unbelievable for another person to also realise who friend was talking about.

It is between them and they are both at fault. It is not your business. Keep out of it.

Checking out somebody on social media is not stalking - it's a public social platform unless one is bright enough to set proper security settings and even then how private it is remains in doubt.

Friend2 was in the wrong here.

But no, as you're all adults you don't have to take sides and can carry on as you were. If they don't speak, that's up to them.

Now they aren't friends and I feel like I need to take sides to resolve it

I don't see how taking sides can resolve it. FWIW I think Friend2 is in the wrong.

Two of my friends fell out with each other a few years back and they both complained about each other to me but I didn't take sides and have remained friends with them both. They have never repaired their friendship though.

Just be the best friend you can to each of them without getting involved in their business.

you do not need to take sides you are a grown but quite frankly stalking somebody on mumsnet the internet is creepy f1 is entitled to be on any soicial networking sites for they like without fear of creepy nasty friend looking for them

friend 2 i meant

I agree people have the right to say what they want about anyone else privately. But social media is accessible to anyone, there for not private.

I think you should stay out of it.

No good ever comes your way when you insert yourself between two people having a row!

They will (probably) make up but they won't forget you took sides. They may even decide you were stirring.

It's not down to you to 'resolve it'. You aren't their mum.

As an aside -social media is not private and anyone who thinks it is is a nit. It's out there for the whole world to see. It's about as opposite of private as it's possible to get!

I'd say Friend1 went looking because she thought Friend2 was being back-stabby... and it turns out she was.

F1 caused her own problem by LOOKING for bad stuff but F2 was being back-stabby. Sometimes though you want to vent about stuff that's making you feel bad or has you concerned but you don't want to ruin a friendship over it.

I wouldn't take sides personally. I can see both people's sides.

I can see both sides. I have vented on here and said negative things I would not necessarily want people to see in real life, sometimes venting is a way of working through feelings in a supportive environment so they don't threaten the relationship.

OTOH Friend2 does have to understand it's not voicing her opinions privately if she puts them online and she shouldn't be "bitchy" anyway.

Luckily you don't have to pick sides, it's not a playground.

Truthfully I think the following

Friend 1 - To put anything on a public forum is to risk it being seen by someone who you may not want to see it. She should have been more careful about who and what she wrote about.

Friend 2 - Bit stalkerish but you know what, it was written about her so why shouldn't she be a bit annoyed at what she saw. However she needs to recognise that if you go digging you may find something you don't like.

You - Stay the hell out of it. It is between your two friends not you and personally I wouldn't be fighting someone's else's battle for them.

Have fun :-)