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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU or is DP? car seat discussion... s

27 replies

IRCL · 01/01/2014 20:54

So I was looking for a new seat for my four old daughter and mentioned to DP that the one his mum has isn't really the greatest (was not really criticising as was going to purchase a similar one myself?. I joined which? And had a look through and came across a britax one which was one of their best buys.

He went really funny and said that I look too much in to things? He says it has stopped us from doing things but he can't give me an example.

He thinks I research things too much, I think knowledge is power and like to be informed.

AIBU in wanting the best safety protection for the children or is it a case of it's in the shop it has passed the test?

Got out of hand and now we're not talking..well I am, he isn't.

OP posts:
BooBudolphMeowson · 01/01/2014 21:04

yanbu, but probably like my DH he gets a bit tired of when I am in an evangelical mood over something he doesn't think is important.

In my head car seats = very important. In his head - every car seat on the market is suitable or they wouldn't be allowed to sell them.

IRCL · 01/01/2014 21:10

Boo that is exactly right.

I happen to think car safety is very important and something to be informed about.

Apparently though thats stopping us from doing things...Hmm

OP posts:
BooBudolphMeowson · 01/01/2014 21:14

Just stop talking to him about it and when he wants to talk to you all about something that gets him all worked up tell him you have better things to do, sit down and open a magazine Grin

MyNameIsKenAdams · 01/01/2014 21:14

I wouldnt have known about ERF without researchong, so its always good to look at what is out there.

Your dh is being daft for saying you should just "get the one X has" - you want to look into ot so do so. However Id just not talk about it - "DH Ive seen this one which I prefer so am going to get it today"

SugarHut · 01/01/2014 21:16

I think he's not meaning this as a particular example. In this instance, good research is well deserved. My ex used to despair with me: "DP our toaster has broken" "Ok, get a new one" Cue the morning on the internet, scouring Which reports, looking up every colour it comes in. Looking for the cheapest place to buy....

It crazed him. I still do it. I have to know I'm buying the best item suited to me as it winds me up incredibly to see a better item later.

IRCL · 01/01/2014 21:18

Boo - I have no magazine, just mumsnet fortunately!

Myname, you're right, why didn't I bloody do that?!

Will keep my geeky research to myself in future I think. Grin

OP posts:
BrownPaint · 01/01/2014 21:19

Sounds like the discussion I had with DP. I wanted maximum safety for her age/size...he wanted to go for a cheap booster cushion. I wasn't suggesting that we paid over the odds...I just wanted a seat that I thought so would be safer...I know I'm PFB, so I thought it was just me...

sykadelic15 · 01/01/2014 21:45

I research all the time too :) Glad to see I'm not alone! I figure if I'm going to spend good money I should buy the best thing for my money or spend a little more for extra features etc etc.

My husband knows all about my researching and he thinks it's funny (thankfully :P). I don't involve him in the majority of discussions but will ask for a preference before I start looking.

Perfect example - we're talking about TTC so I like to research items and got on a bit of a "best diaper/nappy bag" kick. I asked DH about it and he said he would only carry it if it was backpack type so that's the style I'm looking at. He has no other requirements aside from that so I can work with that :)

Cantthinkofafrigginname · 01/01/2014 21:51

This is me, my research driVes my Oh mental....

Sykadelic - to be very annoying back pack type carriers aren't great........ If he won't read the evidence/info show him the difference and borrow some decent songs from a sling library.

My other annoying habit is preaching after all my research........... ;-)

Cantthinkofafrigginname · 01/01/2014 21:52

And also reading thins wrong!! Sorry! Read it as back pack carrier not nappy bag back pack!!! Doh!!!

Just buy a rucksack!

Sorry!

Xx

MsVestibule · 01/01/2014 21:57

Ha, my DH is like this! Any major (and even some minor) purchases are researched to death which occasionally drives me nuts. However, WRT to car seats, why would you scrimp on something as important? We've got the Britax ISOFIX ones and the DCs would stay in them until they're 20 if I had my way Grin.

Regarding 'your research is stopping us from doing things', is it possible that you spend a bit too much time on Trip Advisor (for example) before you'll go anywhere, and he'd like you to be a bit more spontaneous? Ask him to tell you next time it causes a problem, so at least you'll know where the perceived problem is.

MsVestibule · 01/01/2014 22:08

syk you're only at the 'talking about TTC' stage and you're already researching the best nappy bags Shock???

IRCL · 01/01/2014 22:09

Nice to know I'm not alone in my need to research. Admittedly I probably am a bit obsessive.

Good point mrsv, I could be more spontaneous, well not about safety but in other areas.

OP posts:
ouryve · 01/01/2014 22:12

YANBU.

Does he routinely belittle you for using your noggin?

IRCL · 01/01/2014 22:47

Not really ouryvey, first he's said anything, normally laughs at how much I look in to things.

OP posts:
RonaldVilliers · 01/01/2014 22:57

is it a case of it's in the shop it has passed the test

Sometimes the tests aren't as good as you would believe. I was talked into getting a cheap car seat from asda baby event to keep in DH's car to save swapping the britax one over all the time. A few months later this report came out which revealed that the testing standard is very basic, we replaced the cheap seat with a second britax.

Tableforfour · 02/01/2014 09:39

Plenty of kite marked seats are scarily poor on the Which tests, not to mention that basically the guidelines don't even address the issue of extended family

Tableforfour · 02/01/2014 09:42

Bloody phone! Meant to say that until the guidelines explicitly state that rear facing is safer until 4, they are so out of date as to be meaningless and anyone who has done five minutes research would realise this.

FunkyBoldRibena · 02/01/2014 09:43

Why have all the research tools to hand and not use them? I make my OH research everything before he gets it otherwise we end up feeling like we have made a dodgy decision.

Whathaveiforgottentoday · 02/01/2014 10:13

This is like my DH (role reversal in this house). He won't buy something unless hes been heavily recommended generally by which. Sometimes its great and sometimes its a pain in the arse.
I need to take my xmas present back as he bought the 'best' when I just want a cheap portable version. He's slightly offended as he spent a lot of money, but I tell him that I really wanted something to take into work and down the garden, and what he's bought is too good to take into work etc. He just doesn't like something unless its been recommended. Same goes for TV and films - drives me crazy.
Car seats need researching and we have the britax ones (stage 2/3) and would recommend them. Car seat safety is one area where the research needs doing.

lottiegarbanzo · 02/01/2014 10:38

Yes, just do the research quietly, then buy the thing. If he opens a discussion you'll be able to say 'I'd prefer this one because...'

The argument against research is when it becomes disproportionate to the value and importance of the product, saps your time, your ability to be spontaneous and, potentially, becomes a crutch you rely upon to avoid anxiety and maintain tight control on every aspect of your life - which would suggests you had deeper problems.

I think the time issue is very real. Do you never have something better to do with your time than spending a morning or evening researching a product and doing this regularly? If you didn't need to make so much space for this sort of activity in your life, might you have learnt another language / read a lot of books / become very fit / played more with your children or planned more wonderful activities for them, by now?

I suppose I think the question is, if there was something else really important and pressing to do, perhaps chronically, how would you cope with decision-making? Would you be able to use short-cuts like brand, price, reputation and shop-assistant advice? Could you shorten your research process to look straight at the best buys? If you can do that when needed and live with the result, then perhaps you could save a lot of time whenever you choose to.

I suspect there's an 80/20 sort of pattern - the first 20% of research time reveals 80% of useful information, gaining a further 20% of info, mostly detail not critical to the decision in the end, takes 80% of the time.

Just try, as an exercse, going for 'gut feeling' in the face of many options, a few times. Then compare that result to your thoroughly researched one. I bet you've trained yourself well enough already that your 'gut' response is actually a very good one.

firesidechat · 02/01/2014 10:44

I'm just like you OP. I will look up reviews online for most purchases and for me a car seat would definitely need more research than just about anything else.

Fortunately my husband is the same, so no conflict there.

lottiegarbanzo · 02/01/2014 10:45

Oh yes and when you can't decide to see a film unless someone else has recommended it, rather than because it might suit you or surprise you, you have to question your belief in your own critical thinking skills - some people are just scared of thinking and of articulating or being held to account for their own opinions.

Whathaveiforgottentoday · 02/01/2014 11:07

I can't get DH to see a film unless its been recommended by Mark Kermode. I think Mark Kermode is fantastic and do value his reviews but I do have independent thought and opinions and can like something even if its not been recommended. Drives me nuts

HungryHorace · 02/01/2014 11:08

My DH is utterly obsessed with car seats and has spent hours and hours researching and reading!

Which means we have an ERF seat for DD, which is fantastic and I'm glad he did the research for us.

I agree that with something like car seat safety researching the best options is certainly not time wasted.

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