My heart is breaking

[Hazardous125]

I had our first child 6 weeks ago. Much loved and wanted child. However the relationship between me and my boyfriend is breaking down. He has became very rude to me. I could outline what's happened, etc... But I can't change the circumstances. Worst was on New Year's Eve. We didn't even wish each other, no physical contact either. Today I went to bed for a nap, he took our baby to his parents. I have rarely spent time with him. I need to be more confident in myself... But his behaviour is breaking me down. I did try to speak to him. But it ends in arguments.

New babies place enormous strain on relationships. Don't rush into any decisions. Take things a day at a time and both try and help each other get some rest. Sleep deprivation can be horrendous! And your body is still recovering. Slowly slowly, go easy.. Hopefully things will get better.

Poor you, you sound so sad. If you are to have any kind of relationship and not affect your innocent little child, then you two are going to have to learn to communicate. If you cannot, hard as it sounds you may have to consider parting. Have a chat with him.

I feel so heartbroken.

As pp said the arrival of a baby can badly affect even the strongest of relationships. We have 2 under twos and the strain has been horrific but at the end of the day we love each other and both want it to work longterm. You really need to tell your boyfriend how you feel and talk about how he feels too. Chin up, this is a hard time for most new mums

Is there a mutual friend or family member you could confide in and could then bring up the subject with him?

Why not write him a letter or email expressing your feelings?

Sending you a virtual hug. The early days of babyhood are utterly exhausting and take a huge toll on both parents. Be kind to yourself and as kind as you can be to each other. Things will get easier. Hope you feel better soon xx

Did he take the baby without telling you?

Also you may have postnatal depression which is very common and understandable when you are so exhausted. You really need a lot of support at this time. What about giving your man a big long hug when he gets home and ask him to talk things out with you?

He probably feels just as confused and awful as you.

What bicycles said - a letter is a good idea. Just getting it all down on paper so it can't be misinterpreted is good.

If you do it so that you lay out why you love him, what is getting you down, then what you would like to see change, then how you want your (joint) future to be, he can be privy to your real thoughts and feelings (nothing is lost in translation IYSWIM).

Like others have already said, however much wanted and loved a baby is, it is still a hugely stressful and trying time for loads of couples - keep talking to each other and don't quietly simmer.

Sorry, upcycled not bicycles (spelling thing changed it!)

First baby, six weeks,

This is normal to feel excused and detached.

Give yourselves lots of time, sleep and be kind to yourselves.

and when you can talk.

I felt desperately low after my births, for months. Don't do anything drastic with your relationship - try to be positive. It is extremely hard to maintain a relationship with a young baby. Don't think too hard about things, take each day at a time, and look for the good. In my experience, men don't like to talk about things. Get some regular babysitting slots and slowly and quietly try to find something to smile about together. Look after yourself, it is a very difficult time, but gets easier.