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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to not want to have to go and pick DD up late tonight.

50 replies

bigTillyMintspie · 01/01/2014 19:11

DH neither.

What time would you say was the latest reasonable to tell DD that one of us will pick her up?
She is 14 and has gone to her lovely friends where they are having a small family party.

OP posts:

LineRunner · 01/01/2014 19:43

Just gave my teenage DD twenty quid towards taxis for today. It seems worth it.

Original poster

bigTillyMintspie · 01/01/2014 19:46

LineRunner, how old is your DD? And when did she start getting cabs?

OP posts:

ZenNudist · 01/01/2014 19:48

Not a parent of a teen but wouldn't let myself be dictated to. 10pm sounds reasonable for 14yo. 11pm generous. 11.30 - you're a mug!!

Like the idea of knocking 10 mins off for shouting.

I also think if she wants to get bus then you insist she is home by 11. Unless you want to be kept up worrying.

My parents didn't give lifts, certainly not past (oh I can't remember) probably no later than 11.

ToffeeOwnsTheSausage · 01/01/2014 19:48

I would give her a bit later, minus 10 minutes for being a stroppy madam with the shouting. If she moans again, knock another 20 minutes off.

With mine, if they do same offence in the same day I do double the time punishment. is if DS2 loses 10 minutes off his bed time for doing X and then does it again he loses another 20 minutes. We don't get to 40 .

LineRunner · 01/01/2014 20:10

She's 17, OP. She started getting cabs on her own at 14. I would get her to phone me on route, and would wait for her to get out. The first few times I paid the driver, and then she started to do that herself when she built up confidence.

Original poster

bigTillyMintspie · 01/01/2014 20:13

Thats helpful Linerunner - wll try to work on her

DH is now snoozing so maybe he will go...

OP posts:

BackforGood · 01/01/2014 20:17

See, I dont mind picking my dc up now and then. I just consider it part of being a parent in the same way all those things you did for them when they were little is just part of the job. When they are on their own in the car with me like that is often when we have our best chats. Really cant see the point in paying out £££ for a taxi if its a short drive away.

LineRunner · 01/01/2014 20:18

I haven't got a car!

Twas just making the point that cabs can work.

DoYouLikeMyBaubles · 01/01/2014 20:19

If it's only a one off I'd just wait and get her when she needed me.

As it's a one off, you can afford to be flexible.

I was very lucky my dad would gladly pick me up whatever he classed his 'bedtime as', without be asking.

Original poster

bigTillyMintspie · 01/01/2014 20:26

I agree, it is something you have to do as a parent to a teen (or pay for cabs!) Am just hoping she wants/is OK with being picked up asap!

OP posts:

Dollydishus · 01/01/2014 20:57

YY, nice 1-1 chats in the car are a bonus. I am a right worrier so I'd rather pick up and know they are safe and home easily, rather than worry about cabs (also ££££, which I haven't got!)

It doesn't happen too often...round here most parents take a turn with transporting a group of them around, so it's not always me turning out. They do appreciate it, even if they don't say so!

verytellytubby · 01/01/2014 21:09

Can't she sleepover? If not 11pm

BohemianGirl · 01/01/2014 21:18

I am judging - I am so thankful my Father loved me and always picked me up and I am again grateful that DH or I do the same for all of our boys. Doesnt matter if its 9pm or 4am or anywhere in between, their safety is paramount.

Original poster

bigTillyMintspie · 01/01/2014 21:32

One of us will go for her. I was just trying to get an idea of what would be a reasonable time. This is not a special, planned in advance big "do", only said she was going after they came back from shopping at 5

OP posts:

LaurieFairyCake · 01/01/2014 21:35

Judge away.

Nothing to do with 'safety' in this house - bedtime for teenagers is before ours so that means they'd have to be home by 10 anyway.

Very happy to pick them up. It remains like that until they're responsible and can drive, so no one in this house is out after 10.

BackforGood · 01/01/2014 22:07

I think that's harsh and unfair though Laurie.
What if they want to go to the theatre ?
An evening sports fixture?
A 'do' that has a more formal timetable?
Something like my SiL's Christmas do which was on a barge, so everyone arrived back together?
There are any number of activities that older teens will want to do that mean they won't necessarily be in by 10pm. I'm glad my parents were prepared to consider each evening on it's merits and not impose such a draconian curfew, regardless of the activity. I'm extending the same trust and consideration towards my dc too.

Original poster

bigTillyMintspie · 01/01/2014 22:22

Well, she text me at 10.05, ready to be picked up. All home now and I can go to bed! Fingers crossed those pesky boys will be quiet!

OP posts:

DoYouLikeMyBaubles · 01/01/2014 22:29

Same back. Just seems like being rigid for the sake of it. Surely you'd just weigh up at the point of them asking you what was acceptable? Because it would be dependant on where, who with, what time it starts, the weather...

DoYouLikeMyBaubles · 01/01/2014 22:32

A question to parents who have curfews on picking them up, how would you feel if they had an older friend who drove, would you mind them bringing them home?

It's just I know people who refuse to pick their teens up past a certain time, but don't want them getting into car with people.

MrsReacher · 01/01/2014 22:37

Onion rings - Thank you. One of my pet hates is going to pick up one of the girls at an agreed time and then having to wait while they mess about getting their things together. I'm going to go out and buy some kind of animal onsie and threaten to knock on the door. I suspect this will reduce my waiting time considerably

Dollydishus · 01/01/2014 22:52

Agree with not being too rigid. Encourages rebellion and stropping IMHO. If you want your DCs to be reasonable and thoughtful you have to model that to them.

LaurieFairyCake · 01/01/2014 22:55

Obviously it doesn't apply if we're all out together at the theatre !

But in general dc's social life doesn't come before sleep if we're up for work. They're up for school too.

Children that stay here aren't allowed in cars with other teenagers, older adults yes.

LaurieFairyCake · 01/01/2014 22:57

In case you're not aware I look after older teenagers (foster carer).

This means I need to know where they are at ALL times. And having them in bed before you is pretty important. Unless you can absolutely 100% guarantee where they are - obviously a sleepover where you know where they are you can guarantee it.

Dollydishus · 01/01/2014 23:32

Sorry Laurie didn't know about the foster care aspect. Yes I can see that you totally have a different level of responsibility.

(I am probably expressing that badly, but yes of course,I can see that fostered children need safeguarding in a different way.)

ILoveOnionRings · 02/01/2014 13:02

MrsReacher don't forget the fluffy slippers, it works a treat especially if you send the next text of 'they have 1 min to be out the door or you will be ringing the doorbell'.

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