I feel a bit miffed about presents for the children.

[Pascha]

I am unreasonable, I think, because I should just consider myself lucky that our families can afford and want to buy them presents. I'm having trouble snapping myself out of it though.

Nutshell is that both sets of grandparents asked what to get DS1 (3) and DS2 (11 months) for christmas, and DS2's birthday on 5th Jan. Both were given some ideas to suit various family members who might ask them. Nothing was demanded, the options made for a nice variety of toys.

MIL hinted about getting a fort for DS1 which he would love. Mum mentioned an activity cube for DS2's birthday. Great. Lovely toys, lots of unrestricted play options there. What they ended up with is cars, more cars, vehicles, etc. They have a mountain of cars already, more than half don't get played with. I really wanted to break out of it a bit this year.

I found out yesterday that DS2's present from mum and dad isn't an activity cube, other similar thing. Its a sodding garage. They have a garage. Its not played with much right now. We have nowhere to keep a second garage.

Is this how it goes now? Lots of tat, none of it really wanted, that we have to keep about the house for visits and find a home for in between.

I just feel that they could have had a lovely variety of toys but they've ended up with a pile of unrequested samey stuff.

Bah.

Every year I get asked what DS wants/needs, I have a think, then come up with a few suggestions, find the articles online so I can say exactly where and how much etc.

Every year DS receives a cheaper version of the item I've taken time to choose, plus something huge (and usually noisy/irritating) that I really don't have room for in the house and spend the rest of Christmas Day working out how it could get broken. At first glance you think, "Great, they're getting more for their money", but really they're spending the same amount on something DS needs, but a lower quality version, plus something I'm plotting the demise of!

Why bother asking me in the first place?

4 wooden castles in my house - and all played with incessantly for years by 2 DSs. 1 car garage that got played with for a year by another DS and a second garage that I bought because I loved it never got touched. Kids are different and like different things. My advice would be to see as setting the precedent for the future. Your DCs are small and you have many years of getting the wrong gifts for them, if you don't make a stand now. I wish someone had told me this, years ago!

I feel your pain op...I have ds's, 3 and 5.

For the past 5 Christmas's, my parents buy the same type gifts, over and over. Garages, cars, trucks and various remote control cars, helicopters and trucks. We are drowning in the bloody things.

This year I gave a list of things that would be good for the ds's and match their interests. Any sort of puzzle/board game/card game for ds1 who is very 'into' puzzles and games ATM. For ds2, role play things - a Drs set/ pretend shop etc.

What did we get? A mound of remote control cars and tracks. I think it's mainly my dad, because he has 3 girls and is determined to be able to buy a load of boys toys.

The mound of cars is sitting in a corner. Dc1 has spent the last week playing checkers (a board set I bought for £3.99).

Grrr! Early November, my PiL asked for ideas for the children. I spent time I didn't have putting ideas together. When DH spoke to them 10 days later, they had already got bored and done their Christmas shopping. They had never even mentioned a date they were going and I didn't think I was too tardy in getting back to them, bearing in mind all that was going on with the DCs and the fact it wasn't even Advent yet.

Then, they bought DD1 some books we had specifically said we didn't think suitable because older DNeph1 has read them and PiLs spend much more time with them and think they're wonderful, told us they had a certain annual for DS1, so we took back the identical one we already had, only for the presents to be opened Christmas Day and for it to be a story treasury, not an annual, so we are trying to source it again. They always comment on how much "stuff" the DCs have, but they don't buy what they actually want and, instead of "a" gift, they buy several, smaller gifts muliplying the junk. When they do get it right, they often get a duplicate ........ It's like they care, but not quite enough.

And breathe!

My Family either buy from a list or, if not, are happy to return stuff. Causes different complications like being nagged for ideas from September onwards by my DB but they do get what they are after!

My dad spent years going overboard at Christmas on totally unsuitable presents, eg a robot with a remote control more complicated than the sky tv remote for ds with severe learning difficulties. I'd feel duty bound to keep them for at least a couple of years before bunging them on ebay as I'd feel ungrateful otherwise.
This year he gave dcs money but said in front of them that he couldn't be bothered to go shopping, so I'm not sure which is worse. After all this was after dd struggled into town during a fierce storm to buy her grandad a gift out of her paper round money . Of course I feel relief that there isn't more unwanted tat this year but also sad that my dad couldn't put himself out a little bit for his only grandchildren.

funky that's exactly what I did. And dm and dsis still got something else.

That's just plain rude. I'd be having words like 'we didn't get it because you were - what is that all about"'

Having said that - when my OH's daughter got stuff she hated we would devise ways of it getting 'broken'. It was a private in-joke for us.

DS has been bought 7 winter coats this year

1 from us at the end of summer
1 from DM which I asked for as it's an all in one
1 from FIL - fine I can use it as a spare
1 from family friend A
1 from family friend A from last year which fits DS this year
1 from friend A
1 from friend B

Thank goodness M&S and Debenhams have let us exchange the coats for some trousers and long sleeved t-shirts which DS needs.

I feel terrible for exchanging the coats but there's just no way DS needs that many.

It's very sweet of people to spend a lot of money on DS, but if they asked I could make sure they spend it on something he needs. Very awkward!

Surely when someone asks for ideas for gifts, they're only asking for ideas, and it's equally fine to choose something else they think your DC would like.

I think asking "what's your budget?" is impolite.

I feel terrible chucking stuff that was gifts - DM in particular loves large noisy plastic toys that my DC aren't very interested in. BUT I take the view that if I was the giver, I would HATE it if my gift left the receiver feeling stifled but guilty - I would tell them to dump it like a shot. So ditch/exchange and let go of the guilt :)

I get the frustration. Sil askede what we had got for ds 2 and I told her a ride on toy. Therefore he didn't need another but guess what she went and bought!!! Yep another ride on toy! I just don't understand why people ask what to get them buy complete opposite ?? Why ask?

Gosh - that's awkward. I always liaise with my daughter and my daughter in law about presents for the grandkids - they discreetly sound out the kids to find out what they're after.

Your boys would love a fort, by the way. When my children were small (now in their mid-forties), I got a fort in a charity shop and it was played with for years.

My parents used to be horrible for buying huge toys. If it can't be tided away in a basket or bin I DO NOT WANT IT.

YANBU to feel slightly miffed since they did ask.

But I find this really hard to deal with since it is important to be a role-model for being gracious even when you are given a duplicate or inappropriate present.

My bug-bear is the in-laws who have moral objections to what they see as 'girly' toys. DD loves dolls, animals, toys for her dolls house, Sylvanian Families etc. And they insist on getting her toolkits and train sets. I find this sexist but haven't had the nerve to point this out yet.

Fortunately she is too little to be disappointed, she is gracious, and toys that won't get played with are appropriated to be passed on as birthday presents for her male friends and I top up her present fund with my money.