I didn't call my mum back.

[orangepudding]

My mum is in hospital at the moment, had an operation yesterday. My mum should be going home tomorrow.

I visited last night. This morning I called her by phoning the ward (she doesn't have a mobile). My mum sounded fine, my mum cut off the phone when she was mid sentence.
She has done this when in hospital before when a Dr has arrived at the bed, just put the phone down no warning.
I didn't call back as I thought she had done the above and would call me back later.

A.couple of hours later dm called me to ask if I had tried calling. When I said no she got really angry,she had accidentally pressed the emergency button while we were talking and assumed I had heard the commotion. The bedside phone must cut.off when.it's pressed meaning I heard nothing. dm didn't give me a chance to explain this just told me to go to Hell!

Was IBU not to call her straight back?

I don't think so and I'm sure she'll calm down after realising one you have had a chance to explain x

Well given that she's done it before, I don't think that you wbu to assume that she had just put the phone down.

That seems very rude to me-it only takes a moment to say "Drs here gt to go"!

She's probably anxious, in pain and lonely-but telling someone to go to hell after a genuine misunderstanding is awful imo.

I'm afraid I'd be keeping away as I'd be so pissed off.

Thanks.

My husband was about to leave his office to visit when I told him what had happened. I called again to ask if she needed anything, she refused to talk to me or accept the visit from my husband.

I do feel guilty because she has no one else at all, but.there's nothing I can do if she won't listen!

Yanbu.

Give her some time to calm the f down and then explain to her that if she will randomly put the phone down as a regular thing you will not take it as a cue somethings wrong. Your psychic abilities don't stretch to it.

If something had happened, ringing back would have had no effect anyway and as she was in hospital you would have heard soon enough if you needed to know.

I would cut her a little bit of slack because even the best op's can knock us for six and put our emotions all over the place.

I would carry on with any plans you had to visit/call/take her home rather than give her any more reason to play the 'poor me' card. Even if you have to sit there and be ignored.

If she won't take your calls, give the ward a quick ring, check she's ok and ask the nurse to let her know you've called but she's in a strop with you so won't answer the phone. Double check they've your number as well.

I think the whole ward knows she's not talking to me she was so loud.

Will call the ward in the evening to see how she is.

is she on lots of drugs coz of the op? my mum had pancreatitis recently and the drugs made her really stroppy and unreasonable, just call the ward later and unless she brings it up carry on as if she hadn't got in a strop with you.

YANBU

If she has a habit of hanging up on you, without saying goodbye, simply because a Dr or someone else turns up, then it's ridiculous to think you should call her back when she does it. It's not your fault you didn't hear the noise and if she doesn't want to listen to what you have to say - then leave her to it.

Just to give you some perspective, my Mum would never, ever tell me to 'go to hell' even if I had done, what your mother is accusing you of, let alone think the worst of me irrespective of common sense or an explanation. It is also incredibly rude of her to treat your husband like that. She should be ashamed of her behaviour, but I suspect she is used to treating you like this and getting her own way - maybe it's time to stop that now?!

My own mother was so unreasonable when in hospital I vowed never to speak to her again. But she was off her head on pain and meds and fear.

Cut her some slack, if you can. But don't inflame the situation by calling her right back. Either send your husband in or call the ward tonight. Hope she is better soon.

"she refused to talk to me or accept the visit from my husband."-that is ridiculously rude!

"I do feel guilty because she has no one else at all, but.there's nothing I can do if she won't listen!"- I suppose that's the thing-you'll keep caring/phoning/visiting no matter how she treats you.

How does she treat you when not in hospital-perhaps that's the question?

diddl She doesn't treat me like that when she's not in hospital.

DM does however tend to jump to conclusions and speculate. This results in her getting upset/angry and me having to talk her down.

"diddl She doesn't treat me like that when she's not in hospital."

Perhaps that's all that matters then.

At some point maybe you could tell her that you heard nothing & that she has done it before so you weren't concerned when the phone cut off-it's not that you don't care, which I suppose is how she saw it.

People are often unreasonable when in hospital. My brother is in at the moment and he's been a nightmare! Always calling and texting me to ask me to do things for him...I put up with it...he'll be out soon too. I hope your Mum's exit goes well tomorrow!xxx

what a drama queen - sounds pretty toxic to me. is she like this when she's healthy?

Since she does it when not ill it sounds like she choices to treat you appallingly and is an attention seeker making you talk her down. Time for a serious talk I think.

I was in hospital once, and I went ballistic at my mom, told her I never wanted to speak to her again and hung up.
When she rang back I picked the phone up sobbing my heart out. Although I was in for something reasonably routine to the outside world, I was worried to death and just not myself.
What I'm saying is, if she's not usually like this then let it go. Visit her whenever you were planning on before the argument, and put it down to hospital nerves.
YANBU, but it isn't worth falling out over.