AIBU here or is there a solution?
This is long but hopefully it's clear why.
I have a friend who I've known on and off since school (20-odd years).
She has always led a very sheltered life, her mum and dad are very old fashioned, they never let her out as a teenager and she has one older sister and a niece she is very close to.
My friend was briefly married (it was a rebellion thing) but she was divorced within about three years and has no kids. This all happened about 15 years ago, so her being single isn't a new thing.
My problem is, she leads quite a simple, lonely life and doesn't really understand that other people's lives are more complicated.
I have friends and relatives all over the place, kids, work, seven nephews and nieces and other people who I like to spend time with, and my life is, generally, chaos.
She's very kind and generous but literally has no concept of personal space.
For example, last night me and my OH went to a friend's birthday at a local pub, and my friend was there. She asked if I was in between 3 and 5 today as she has bought me and my DD Xmas presents and she wants to come round so my DD can play with it.
We don't exchange presents and she expects nothing in return, but obviously it makes it harder to say "Go away!"
I said we wouldn't be in -OH is working and I am planning on going to the cinema with my mum - I've been promising to take DD all holiday and she's been ill.
I have no car or money at the mo so it's a Granny treat. I'm back at work Thursday so it's our last chance of the holidays.
She said "Great, I'll come with you. What time shall I pick you up? What are we seeing?" Then spent ALL evening saying how much she's looking forward to going.
But I don't particularly want her to come. I definitely didn't invite her. It's my mum's treat, and family time. We had a pretty rubbish Christmas with bugs and things and this is literally the only thing I have planned with my DD.
Also, once she comes, she just doesn't leave.
She popped round for a coffee at 1pm once - at 6, she was still there (she doesn't say much, so literally sitting there). I had to say "Sorry, I need to go now, I'm babysitting for my niece."
Out of the blue she said: "Oh, I was planning to get a takeaway and stay the night." This was the first we'd heard, we don't even have a spare room! Then she offered to come with me, despite never having met my brother - I had to say he didn't like strangers in his house just to get her to stop following me.
She doesn't take hints, and even a straight out "I'm sorry, no" falls on deaf ears.
I have tried arranging things with a set time span but she just doesn't get that people are busy.
She turns up randomly with board games and thinks that people have time to drop everything to play bloody Monopoly for example, on a Sunday afternoon, despite the fact they may be cleaning or cooking or whatever.
My OH works shifts, I work ft, our DD is at school, so we value our family time.
Another time, I accidentally asked her on a trip to the zoo, because I thought she might like to come - she picked us up at 9am, dropped us home at 6pm, then came in, and at midnight, we had to ask her to leave.
Having said that, when she has other things on, or a new man, I don't hear from her for months, and other friends have distanced themselves from her because she's so full on.
When she was married, I literally never saw her in three years, she was always too busy, whenever I tried to arrange something.
And one friend who was having lots of health issues fell out with her because the full-on friend accused her of making up hospital appointments in a bid to avoid seeing her, when in fact she was seriously ill.
But when I said, about today, "Can you come earlier as 3isn't convenient?" she said no, as she has to go shopping then see her mum till exactly 3. After 5 isn't an option as she will literally stay for hours. So it's fine for me to fit around her schedule, just not the other way round.
Last time, she hung around downstairs while I fed, bathed and put my DD to bed, despite only having "popped in for five minutes" several hours before, which was just weird, TBH.
But I feel guilty and end up making excuses all the time then giving up entire weekends (my other half only gets one off a month) to see her so I don't feel bad.
I do feel sorry for her because she is obviously lonely but she also drives me insane. What would others do to try and escape, or am I just a horrible person? It's at the stage where the reason she's lonely is because people avoid spending time with her, so it's a vicious circle. Any suggestions, please?