to try and make present giving fairer?

[jessikaka]

I never previously swapped birthday / Christmas presents with friends, just family. Recently since having dc have given a few dc friends presents.

I asked a uni friend to be godparent for dc and since then she has given both dc loads of presents - birthday, Christmas and just random visiting presents. All a bit embarrassing. Especially as I don't buy her anything!

Not sure what to do - shall I just start buying for her Christmas etc or tell her not to get my dc so much or just leave it. I don't want to feel that I take advantage of her. She can well afford it but that is not the point - I asked her to be godparent as she is my good friend - not to get presents off her! (btw, she didn't give presents before being asked to be godmother so is def related and worried she sees it as a "duty") Also she is single and so kids for her probably not on the horizon for quite a few years if ever.

If it was me I'd leave it. We have a few sets of friends who give DD presents but I don't feel I need to give them something as they don't give me or DH a present. I had DD before most of my friends so I haven't had it the other way around but I will/do reciprocate when/if they have DCs (and will be doing it longer as presumably they will stop once DD gets older, in fact I'm already doing double as a lot of them are on second babies).

As for the godparent bit I am so thrilled to be a godparent to my friend's DS and take it to mean that I have more of a relationship than if we were 'just' his parents friends so I buy him more presents than I did previously. It's not that I feel it's my duty to do so it's because I want to, because I want to honour and express that relationship, although there's lots of other ways I do that as well. It may be your friend feels like that too, especially if she doesn't have children of her own, like an honorary aunt.

IMHO anyway.

If you've never swapped presents before then she doesn't want your presents - she just enjoys buying gifts for your children. A friend of mine had a baby recently. We don't give each other presents and I have seen her about 5 times in the last 10 years, but we were close at school and I think she's a lovely person and I just want to buy her child gifts. So I will now she has one -on birthday and Christmases. I have 3 other school friends who I will do the same for if/when they have children. I most certainly do not expect, or want, any presents in return.

She is thrilled to be a godparent obv. It's great! I would definitely give her presents like calendars made by the kids or of photos of them through the year, pictures they have drawn, or if they are old enough get them to buy her a little something. They'll probably pick something weird but touchingly showing how they think of her.

I give all the children in my life presents. I love to buy them and it gives me pleasure. I often buy stuff in the sales and stash it so can give very expensive stuff (eg. white co. bedlinen for not much outlay - only mentioning this one as it caused the recipients parents a lot of heartache unnecessarily).

I don't expect anything in return although I have noticed that a few friends make more of an effort for my birthday (I don't have kids). When I raised it with them they said it was their way of saying thanks.

TBH the best thanks I get is a good relationship with their children. There are things I like to do where you really need a small child as cover eg. day trip to the Emirates airline (cable car over the Thames) - I've have looked daft on my own so the borrowed 7yo was the perfect decoy!