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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be peeved dh spent 35 quis on an in game addition.

21 replies

highho1 · 30/12/2013 21:34

Was using dh's tablet today and needed to adjust volume. Asked one of the children how to do it and when they handed it back an email popped up confirming purchase.
Aibu to think this is a waste of money and be a little cross he never mentioned it. Although I guess he knew I would think it a waste of money.

OP posts:
Thurlow · 30/12/2013 21:39

Well, possibly. If you are short of money and haven't spent anything on yourself for months then no, you're not. If money isn't tight, gaming is his hobby and you've bought something for yourself recently, then yes you are.

Original poster
highho1 · 30/12/2013 21:45

I rarely spend money on myself apart from supermarket clothes and basic haircut and a colour once per year. Wouldn't say money is tight but he spends much more than I do. He also didn't want me to take out a swim membership for me and dc as we couldn't afford it. Ok it is the same amount per month but no more than the cost of his football season ticket. I can't even mention it as it willnlook like I have been snooping.

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Original poster
highho1 · 30/12/2013 21:45

It is one of 3 hobbies he has thurlow. I only have one and it is free.

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BertieBowtiesAreCool · 30/12/2013 21:47

It's not that bad is it? After all if you bought a console or PC game they cost about that much.

Agree it's not on if you're low on money, but I wouldn't be annoyed about it being on a tablet if it would be reasonable to spend that much on, say a DVD or console game.

BertieBowtiesAreCool · 30/12/2013 21:48

Hmm, well it's not really on if he's saying that you can't spend money on things you want to do - a swimming membership would presumably save you money if you swim regularly anyway.

Original poster
highho1 · 30/12/2013 21:53

I don't swim that regularly at the moment as it is expensive with 4 children. However, with a monthly pass we would save even if we went once a week. I plan to go more than that of course.

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Thurlow · 30/12/2013 21:53

See, what you put in your second post makes more sense Smile

YANBU to be annoyed that he has spent money on a game when he is asking/telling you not to spend money on your and the DCs.

And as so often with AIBU, there's a much bigger picture here, isn't there? Is he the sole earner or anything like that?

Original poster
highho1 · 30/12/2013 21:55

Sorry for dripfeed. He earns the bulk of the funds. My earnings are low and erratic as self employed.

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BertieBowtiesAreCool · 30/12/2013 21:56

True - is it really about the game? How come you have supermarket clothes and a haircut only once a year and he has a football season ticket and moans if you want to buy a swimming pass?

Is there far more to this, because I know it's a snapshot, but based on that information it sounds hugely unbalanced.

BertieBowtiesAreCool · 30/12/2013 21:57

But you're married. What who earns is irrelevant.

mellicauli · 30/12/2013 22:01

It sounds as if you need to negotiate a fair share of spending on yourself - you are a grown up, you shouldn't need permission to live your life.

Thurlow · 30/12/2013 22:01

No need to apologise! Context just helps, that's all.

You should have a family income. It's irrelevant what you earn vs what he earns. If he can afford a season ticket and to spend money on games, then you as a family can afford for you to pay for a decent haircut and take the kids swimming.

Do you have separate bank accounts?

Solongsucker · 30/12/2013 22:05

Can't get worked about this tbh. Maybe if money was tight I might. If husband denied dc and you "treats" then yes HWBU regardless of who earns the most. You look after dc I assume, you are a family, what's his is yours is my view.

Original poster
highho1 · 30/12/2013 22:07

I am quite happy with supermarket clothes tbh. Guess it is the way I was brought up. We never had much money spare but we were fine. I do need to get fit though soswim pass is going to happen.
His family don'help to be honest. I got a cats bum face when I said dh was only getting Christmas gifts from dc as he spent £150 on one of his hobbies.

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iggymama · 30/12/2013 22:09

YANBU seems like he lives like a king while you and the kids live like paupers. I think A Word with him is in order and a fairer share of leisure money for the family.

Original poster
highho1 · 30/12/2013 22:09

We have both joint and sole accounts. Although my sole account has just about eenough to cover dds. Also have business account drawings and access to joint account and joint credit card.

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BertieBowtiesAreCool · 30/12/2013 22:11

But hang on, this is starting to sound unfair. Why does YOUR account cover the children? Surely their costs come from the joint account? And you might be happy with supermarket clothes, nothing wrong with that, but you need to have equal access to money. Are you short of money or are you not? £150 is a hell of a lot to spend on a hobby if you are.

Thurlow · 30/12/2013 22:14

But by the sounds of it, if you both put into a joint account to cover bills (for example) then he is left with more disposable income than you, but you're expected to cover the DC's entertainment too or ask him for handouts? Confused

There have been a lot of threads like this lately, all sad. You are a family. You are supposed to be a team. One parent tends not to work or work as much so they can raise the kids and/or save on childcare. It's not a matter of they 'work' less therefore they don't deserve equal money.

The only reason at the moment he presumably enjoys clean clothes, food bought and made, and happy, well-cared for kids is because you make this happen. You make it possible for him to work, enjoy his hobbies and enjoy his kids. Without any of that his life would be shitter and he'd not be able to work like he does. Point this out to him. Please.

Original poster
highho1 · 30/12/2013 22:14

Sorry that was my direct debits. All dc stuff comes from joint.

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BertieBowtiesAreCool · 30/12/2013 22:30

Oh I see, sorry, I misread to mean "daughters". So to clarify are your direct debits similar to his and include fun stuff (equivalent to the season ticket) or are they all boring stuff like mobile phone, electric bill etc?

Would you be able to go out and spend £150, or, for that matter, £35 in the sales tomorrow if you wanted to?

Original poster
highho1 · 30/12/2013 23:06

Boring stuff. £35 yes. Not so sure about £150 though.

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