to think that sometimes the NRP shouldn't have parental responsibility

[MsColour]

I am fully expecting to get flamed for this and my view is very much clouded by my own experience.

But sometimes I think that it would be better if when parents separate only one of them have parental responsibility to prevent children being used as pawns.

I get very nervous about broaching things like schooling with my ex as I know he can override my decisions and tends to disagree with me for the sake of disagreeing. There are many occasions where he has made my life difficult just because he can.

The children currently do not know whether or not they are getting on a plane to NI tomorrow as their father is exercising his 'rights' and not telling me whether or not he is taking them. I cannot promise them that I will speak to them as I don't know whether or not I will.

Well in my experience it would be an extremely bad idea, but that's because I am married to a man with 2 sons from a former relationship who has had to sort out a number of medical issues, he needs PR to be able to do this.

I can understand why you feel the way you do, leaving kids unsure of what's happening is horrible, and very difficult for them to understand.

So YANBU in certain circumstances.

I am also bitter from experience and so see where you're coming from. What about equal care arrangements though?

Yanbu. I think it would be hard to sort though. How would anyone know if the NRP was one of the good ones or one of the bad ones? People like my ex deserve no parental responsibility but then so and so's ex might be an amazing parent and deserve a say.

From the other POV what about RP's that use their children also as pawns? Deciding at the last minute that they can't spend time at the NRP's this is also devastating. I think this is a coin that flips both ways unfortunately.

My dp has a shared care arrangement with his ex. They are adults and have conversations about stuff. Appointments etc. made with consultation. We would like his ds to change schools but his ex is against it. In theory he could go ahead and make arrangements to change schools but would never do so as it would put his ds in the middle of a massive row.

Buffy - you are right of course. There is no way of distinguishing the bitter ones who like to throw their weight around from those who are being cut out of their children's lives.

NRPs cannot simply override decisions. They are equal parents with equal responsibility, but they can't just do whatever they want.

The problem you are having isn't because of automatic PR, the problem is your ex.

Automatic PR as long as the parent is named on the birth certificate is a good thing

yes. the problem is my ex. I wish there was a way of stopping him doing stuff just because he can.