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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if anyone is a paid member on plenty of fish to do me a favour?

29 replies

exmrs · 30/12/2013 15:53

Basically found my lying cheating separated husbands profile on there, what sickens me under children he has put none and he is divorced and he is a honest down to earth guy ( guess he not counting his 2 affairs and one with his best friends girlfriend then !)
I want to see when he made his profile if you can and when he was last online but to do that you have to be full member to see if he did this when we were together. Is anyone a member please ?

OP posts:
ilovesprouts · 30/12/2013 15:55

im on there but not a full member sorry .. but could look for u if u want to pm me ?

Original poster
exmrs · 30/12/2013 15:59

Thanks for reply you have to be paid member to see when he last online, I'm not even sure it will tell you when he created profile, I've tried searching for males my area and searching under newest users and last online but he doesn't show up on that kind of search meaning he has had the profile a long time.

OP posts:
ephemeralfairy · 30/12/2013 16:02

Try posting on the dating thread in Relationships, might be a few paid up members there?

Writerwannabe83 · 30/12/2013 16:03

I thought POF was free to join??

MightyMagnificentScarfaceClaw · 30/12/2013 16:05

Wow OP that must be awful, have you just found out? I don't think you should focus on when he did this - it's betrayal whatever the timescale. From what you say he has form for this, are you kicking him out? You will get excellent support both practical and emotional if you post on Relationships. Good luck.

sooperdooper · 30/12/2013 16:07

I thought POF was totally free?

Original poster
exmrs · 30/12/2013 16:07

Oh no it's not new news he already left me for other woman, it's just me wondering if he did this before her with me or he planning to cheat.
Plenty of fish is free for basic stuff not for all features

OP posts:
MightyMagnificentScarfaceClaw · 30/12/2013 16:07

Just realised you are separated. Forget where he is looking for his next shag, stop looking for his profiles. Concentrate on yourself and DCs.

sooperdooper · 30/12/2013 16:08

But if you're already separated I'm not sure what you're looking to proove? You're not together anyway so it seems to me you should just leave it and be glad you're rid of him

Original poster
exmrs · 30/12/2013 16:09

Also it's significant for me to find out when he classed himself as having no son as he messed my son around for ages with contact then decided he didn't want to see him, so I want to know if he signed up when we just split and he planning on erasing son from his life

OP posts:
Original poster
exmrs · 30/12/2013 16:11

I wasn't searching specifically for his profile I was actually searching for men in my area and he popped up in the list , it was just a shock

OP posts:
grumpydwarf · 30/12/2013 16:14

My exh did this. Registered on a satin site and listed himself as no children shortly after we split! It did piss me off at the time but to be honest it has little effect on me or my son in real life. Let him live his fantasy and ignore it. Easier said than done I know but it's worth it to not care what they are up to just be grateful I've had a lucky escape!!

knockedgymnast · 30/12/2013 16:17

What a total arse.

My ex-partner did the same thing when I was with him...he also described himself as 'loving, affectionate,caring'...five affairs,, trying to strangle me, etc

Unfortunately, some poor bugger will fall for it.

I feel for you, op, but no good will come of finding out exact dates; although, I do agree that there are numerous degrees of TWAT.

Don't waste your energy, it'll eat you up and you don't deserve to feel like that.

X

Original poster
exmrs · 30/12/2013 16:21

I know I shouldn't care but it's the fact he tells people it's my fault he doesn't see our son because I was fed up of him no showing and told him to be a dad or don't so he took his get out of responsibility card and blames me but if he was planning on cutting him out of his life early on that just hurts

OP posts:
knockedgymnast · 30/12/2013 16:22

Op, POF will not give you the answers you are looking for (lawd knows, it hasn't given me any - just more questions about the male race Grin

If he is erasing his own son just to get more potential shags, then he really cannot stoop lower than that.

gobbynorthernbird · 30/12/2013 16:30

Sorry, but you just need to let him get on with being a twat and do your best to protect your son. Getting worked up will not help you or your DS.

BuffyxSummers · 30/12/2013 16:38

I wouldn't assume anything about his attitude to your son by him not including him on a dating profile. Plenty of people don't mention their children for all sorts of reasons. Finding similar or different dates won't mean anything and could just cause you more stress.

knockedgymnast · 30/12/2013 16:41

But Buffy, there should be reason to not say that you have a child :(

musicismylife · 30/12/2013 16:42

Like

knockedgymnast · 30/12/2013 16:42

But Buffy, there should be reason to not say that you have a child :(

BuffyxSummers · 30/12/2013 16:46

Do you mean no reason? I can think of a several. Safeguarding, casual relationships that don't require mention of children, not wanting to be targeted by people who want to play happy families are a few.

Original poster
exmrs · 30/12/2013 16:53

Buffy, but to state no children starts off a relationship on lies, what if a proper relationship developed how would he eventually say actually I have a son, you wouldn't be best pleased to have been lied to all that time

OP posts:
BuffyxSummers · 30/12/2013 16:58

It doesn't start a relationship off on lies. It's a brief profile on a very public page. It's probably common sense to keep a few parts of it to yourself until you know someone a bit better. There are men and women out there who target people specifically to get to their children whether it's for sexual reasons or just because they want an instant family to be part of. Someone could easily explain about why they did not include their child in a dating profile and a reasonable person would understand safety issues.

HissymasJumper · 30/12/2013 16:59

My love, he's no longer your look out, it doesn't matter what mess he gets into, he's done all he can do to you, and if he's denying your son, then he'll live to regret that.

Focus on YOU, your ds and being the very best you can be. This ex is not worth your tears.

musicismylife · 30/12/2013 18:09

oubt he's doing it for safety issues, given the way he has treated his son.

Op, did he put 'no' or did he put 'prefer not to say'