WIBU to just tell them to go have their NYE without me?

[matildamatilda]

Thanks to anyone who read this:
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/a1949992-AIBU-having-plans-made-for-me

I thought it was resolved but now there's new information which makes me just not want to go. It turns out that there will be several people staying at the flat up in Nature Area as well. The owner will be there. We'll probably be sleeping on a settee in the lounge.

The flat owner is someone I know and like. The flat owner said she has plans to go to some of her own friends for NYE and now we're coming she'll bring us along as well. She says it'll probably be fine but we'll need to bring more food since there are so many of us. So now I feel like we're descending on strangers.

The weather will be crap. I quite like walking/running in the rain and mud but it's awkward when you're staying with someone and you have to find space to dry your things, then pack up muddy trousers in the car, etc. And for a one-night trip?

I stopped into work today got some stuff done, I have to read a file before 2nd Jan but that's it. Have an important appointment starting at 8AM on 2nd Jan though, so have to be in early.

I've had this internal whine all day: I don't wanna GOOOO!

I'm picking Friend A up at train station tonight and she's staying over, then we'll all drive up tomorrow. Husband will be at bridge tonight so I was just sort of informed that I would be picking her up and entertaining her until he gets back.

I have half a mind to tell them, "Hey, not up to the trip, you guys have fun and I'll ring you at midnight to say Happy New year." No hard feelings, just don't feel up to it.

On the other hand, I could just convince myself it will be FUN, right? New years! People! Husband who wants to be sociable! Those are all good things, right?

Given your previous thread, I'd be inclined to not go.

Not seen your previous thread but reading this one I wouldn't want to go either.

I would hate to go to a strangers party without them specifically asking me or inviting me through a mutual friend.

Sofa sleeping - maybe you could manage but it sounds as though you have work commitments so need proper sleep.

No I don't blame you - make your excuses if you wish and stay home doing things you want to do.

FWIW I don't like NYE at all and never have right from being a young teenager. No idea why really - nothing bad has ever happened but I just don't like it.

Thankfully my DH isn't fussed either so we usually stay home, have nice food and a drink and bring it in together.

Enjoy whatever you decide x

I remember your previous thread and to be honest, I wouldn't go either. You're in need of a break and it sounds a lot of hassle when you're working early on the 2nd.

If only you didn't have this early start on the 2nd you'd probably really enjoy it. (I did read your previous thread). But I think you're going to have to use this as an opportunity to remind DH that although he may have retired - you haven't yet!

How about a strategic dodgy tummy? Better off not going, right?

Don't go, but don't crow, either, when it turns out to have been crap!

... and I won't moan if I find out they all had an excellent time!

I often come into contact with friends and colleagues of my husband, I do him the courtesy of assuming he would only want to socialise with nice people. Yes it's hard for me to meet lots of people I don't know but it's enough for me that my husband wants to do it so I do my best.

That's goes both ways as I have many friends through my hobby that he had nothing in common with but who are nice people.

So sad that you've reached the stage where you don't think your husband is respecting your needs so you don't want to respect his.

I spend time with my husband's friends at least once a week. Several times over the holidays.

I do feel torn--like if I were a better partner I would just suck it up. But then, the hectic overnight last-minute trip seems like a step too far.

Unfortunately he could tell I was feeling grumpy at him today and he was like, "If you don't want to go, just let us know."

So that's where I'm at now. It's not a drama thing, I'll just stay home and do some prep for work, tell them to have a good time.

Would this be the first time for you to say no to one of these jaunts? It might surprise him to come home to a happy, unstressed you, thus proving your point!

If you don't want to go, and your DH said "just let us know" which sounds fairly unstroppy, then just don't go.

It doesn't sound like you would enjoy it, and would possibly come back more stressed.

The only thing I would disagree with is the staying home to do some work prep. You sound like you need a break, so do some work stuff if necessary, but other than that, relax, have some fun, however you choose to do it

I stayed in and watched The Godfather whilst snuggling with cats, had an excellent long run up on the moors this morning.

Husband had a good time up in Nature Area with friends, lots of bustling around to various people's homes and then midnight out in the town square. We spoke on the phone at midnight.

He got home later than he expected because there was a lot of palaver around people needing rides and expecting buses when there were no buses and then there was talk of stopping at Argos to buy someone a tablet, lol.

I think we should do this every New Year.

Thanks again for your responses!

Sounds like a very "Happy New Year" for both of you!

• something special/treat time
• still being in touch
• a good rest
• coming back together, pleased to see one another, rather than scarcely talking.

Glad it worked out