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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to not want to spend the afternoon with elderly relatives while my brother is getting married in NZ

22 replies

Allegrogirl · 30/12/2013 09:52

My brother is marrying his fiance in her home town in NZ. My parents are going we can't afford to go. I'm really disappointed but there you go.

My mum's sister who is a real maiden aunt type has invited me, DH and the DDs aged 6 and 3 around for a 'party' on the day of the wedding. There will be a couple of other elderly relatives there who I am not very close to. My aunt is unable to go to the wedding due to ill health.

As I can't be at the wedding I would rather we got on with our usual Saturday activities of gym and swimming etc to take my mind off the fact I am missing the wedding. DD1 knows about the wedding and is disappointed not be going and I think making a big deal of being left behind won't actually be much fun for them.

So, should I support my elderly aunt and have a miserable afternoon, or put my need to keep busy and have a normal day first?

OP posts:

usualsuspect · 30/12/2013 09:53

It's one afternoon out of your life.

Surely you can make the effort.

scaevola · 30/12/2013 09:55

You accept or decline this invitation, like any other invitation, according to whether you can and whether you want to attend. As you don't want to go, decline.

But I hope you're not writing off much of you family according to stereotypes such as "maiden aunt".

NynaevesSister · 30/12/2013 09:57

I would go spend the afternoon with your aunt. It isn't really want you want to do but if she is elderly and in ill health and has no children of her own then your support will be hugely appreciated.

Jengnr · 30/12/2013 09:58

Don't go, it sounds like a really dull afternoon.

BohemianGirl · 30/12/2013 09:58

I would go to the aunts house.

SapphireMoon · 30/12/2013 10:00

I think your Aunt's idea is a lovely one.
Does she live miles away?
If not perhaps you should go.
You may enjoy it....

paxtecum · 30/12/2013 10:00

YABU.
I think your aunt is being very thoughful to go to the trouble of putting on a 'party' for those not going to NZ.

I don't understand why it will be a 'miserable afternoon' at her house.

AnnaBullerby · 30/12/2013 10:01

Go to your aunt's party and make it fun.

Original poster

Allegrogirl · 30/12/2013 10:02

I suppose I will end up going. My aunt just sits around and complains despite inheriting all my GPs money and living in a very nice family home in the good end of town. She retired on a good pension at 50 as her company were desperate to get rid of her. She's unkind to my mum too. However for my mum's sake (mum feels responsible for my aunt) I will go to keep the peace.

It is only one afternoon.

OP posts:

SilverApples · 30/12/2013 10:02

I like the idea, and we wouldn't have found it boring when our children were that age. But then we do inter-generational as a matter of course in our family.
You seem to be convinced you'd be miserable and unwilling to try.

wishful75 · 30/12/2013 10:05

I would go to the Aunt' house, one afternoon is not too much to ask. Selfish not to in my honest opinion.

scaevola · 30/12/2013 10:06

Well, the focus on money in the later post does suggest there are other grudges here too.

Blu · 30/12/2013 10:07

You don't actually have to be miserable at your aunt's!
Get a cheap bridesmaids DS's for your dds take a posy to throw, take champagne to toast the happy couple, make a 'happy wedding day' video or take some photos for them to PhotoShop into one of the official photos, get some of those celebrity masks and include them in the virtual wedding, arrange to Skype your parents.

Goodness, you sound far more of a misery than a 'maiden aunt'!

SilverApples · 30/12/2013 10:07

It might be useful to remember this when your 16 and 13 year old are refusing to join in with family activities, on the grounds of being bored and miserable.

4lovelychildren · 30/12/2013 10:12

If it's the afternoon here it will be the middle of the night there :)

LindyHemming · 30/12/2013 10:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SilverApples · 30/12/2013 10:15

To me, maiden aunts have always been the embodiment of freedom, unconstrained by the need to compromise for a man, or family and societal expectations.
But 'Travels with my Aunt' was a favourite book of mine.

HoHoHopelessAtNamingBabies · 30/12/2013 10:25

So an inheritance grudge at the heart of this really. Always attractive...

Brilliant ideas from Blu - sounds like a good party!

Original poster

Allegrogirl · 30/12/2013 10:32

Not an inheritance grudge at all. My mum would far rather have DCs and DGCs than money. Just hard listen to sometime moan about their life constantly when they've never had a moments real worry.

I totally accept IABU and a complete misery guts . I will smile nicely and toast the happy couple.

No offence meant by the 'maiden aunt'. I would love my DDs to have an unmarried adventurous role model in their lives.

OP posts:

CSIJanner · 30/12/2013 10:39

I like Blu's idea

Also, any chance of Skype to watch the wedding? Someone can run a feed through the video camera and you can watch at your aunts house, dressed up to the nines? Although, saying that, it might not work due to time differences...

Thymeout · 30/12/2013 11:00

Doesn't have to be in real time. NZ is ahead of us, so someone there could have videoed the ceremony and greetings from guests and set it all up ready for you to watch at a convenient time for you.

Agree with pp. Make the most of the occasion. It doesn't have to be boring at all. And doing something nice for other people will make you feel good about yourself.

YellowDinosaur · 30/12/2013 11:11

Loving blu's ideas too.

My sister lives in nz so I understand the upset of missing big events (she married here but has since had 3 children). But you can't go so might as well make the best of it and turn it into fun.

Flip